


Alvin's Revenge

by spookyawards_archivist



Category: Alvin and the Chipmunks (Cartoon), Mork & Mindy, The X-Files
Genre: Crossover, Humor, Novel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-10-13
Updated: 2003-10-13
Packaged: 2019-04-27 05:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 71,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14418774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyawards_archivist/pseuds/spookyawards_archivist
Summary: By Ailaurosaur, Harrahgirl, BJ1952, TNO13, KAM1978, Spookyshari, Wiz. Just another weekend at the Doggett House. Or so he thought.





	Alvin's Revenge

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Spooky Awards](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Spooky_Awards), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [SpookyAwards' collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/spookyawards/profile).

 

Alvin's Revenge

## Alvin's Revenge

### by Harrahgirl, BJ1952, TNO13, KAM1978, Spookyshari, Wiz, and Ailaurosaur
    
    
         Title:  Alvin's Revenge
         Authors: Harrahgirl, BJ1952, TNO13, KAM1978, Spookyshari,
         Wiz, and Ailaurosaur.
         Category:  Humorous/Crossover
         Rating: PG-13 ... Language, unexplicit sex, comedy and lots
         of animals.
         Disclaimers:  All TXF characters belong to Fox/1013, etc.
         Alvin and Dave Seville belong to Hanna Barbara. Mork from
         Ork belongs to Garry Marshall and ABC-TV and the creative
         mind of Robin Williams. We were just having fun with all of
         them.
         This was a group add-a-fic that started on the TXF-OS and
         kind of grew.
         Special Thanks to:  The following Wenches who agreed to
         appear in this story:  TeeJay, Ta2Betty, GoScully, Amaus,
         Mary/NewFileFan, and Poochespup.
    

* * *

**PART 1**

It is Saturday Morning at the Doggett House. 

As was usual for a Saturday morning, Special Agent John Doggett lay sprawled out on his stomach in bed, sleeping off the effects of a Friday night beer session at Lulu's Bar and Grille. As the late morning sunlight filtered into the room, he began to stir. 

As he rolled onto his back he took a deep breath. All of a sudden his eyes began to water and his face contorted ... his entire body grew taut as he struggled to fight the uncontrollable force that had taken hold of him, but to no avail. His eyes closed, his head fell back ... and then he let loose with a violent sneeze! 

"Damn, I KNEW I should have closed that freakin' window last night! Friggin allergies!" 

Eyes closed tightly against the bright sunshine, he reached over for a tissue from the box on the bedside table (knocking aside the radio alarm and a glass of water in the process). But then he felt something unexpected, instead of the soft, lotion-kissed paper he expected. This was soft, but it felt warm and ... furry! 

He opened his eyes and stared into the warm brown eyes of a big-cheeked chipmunk, who stared inquisitively right back! 

"Now what the hell are you doing here?" Doggett asked the chipmunk, who promptly squeaked right back at him. 

At that moment his cell phone rang. Doggett swore as he reached over and picked up the cell phone, "Doggett," he answered shortly. 

"Well that's a fine way to say hello," the voice of his partner, Agent Monica Reyes, came sweetly through the speaker. 

"Oh hell, Monica, don't tell me there's a new case this morning," Doggett moaned, keeping a close eye on the chipmunk who was scampering around the bedroom and had just knocked over the wastebasket. 

"No, I just thought I'd call and see if you wanted to do something today," Reyes replied. 

"Monica, I told you I had plans for today," Doggett replied with a sigh. "I've got plans for the entire weekend." 

"I know, but I thought maybe you could change those plans so we could do something together," Reyes answered sweetly. "There's this great exhibition of ancient Egyptian artifacts and I thought ..." 

Doggett rolled his eyes as his partner's voice continued to drone on through the telephone, but then he began to giggle as as the chipmunk began to climb up his leg, tickling him as he went. His giggle changed however to a yelp of sheer agony as the chipmunk found settled on his lap, found something evidently to his liking and bit down ... HARD!!! 

"Damn #x.sre*@% frickin' b!tchin' rat ba@tard!" Doggett exclaimed as he howled in pain. 

Well you don't have to talk to me that way, John," he could hear Reyes' screeching shrilly through his pain. "All you had to do was say no, you son of a b*tch!" 

Doggett heard her slam the phone down so hard it nearly broke his eardrum. So now our hero sits in the kitchen with a ringing ear, watery eyes, runny nose and an enormous pain in a very sensitive area. 

As Doggett retired to the bathroom to survey the damage (so to speak) the furry little chipmunk hopped onto the windowsill in the bedroom and chucked out a little signal. Too bad Doggett had not closed the window ... moments later the room was filled with chipmunks who were eagerly charging through the bedroom destroying everything in their path. When Doggett emerged from his bathroom, he found that his bedroom was filled with scampering, furry chipmunks. 

"Sh*t!" he yelled in a voice that would have woken the neighbors. Moments later the doorbell rang. 

Cursing under his breath and wrapping a towel around his middle (not too tightly since he didn't want to aggravate his injury), Doggett made his way down the stairs and opened the front door to look into the face of his best friend ... Agent Fox Mulder. 

"Hey buddy, not dressed yet?" Mulder asked. "You'd better shake a leg if we're going to get to the racetrack early." 

"There's been a little problem ..."Doggett squeaked ... then stopped as the sound of his now squeaky voice reached his ears. 

"Come on, what's with the voice," Mulder asked as he stepped inside. "You been sucking helium or something?" 

"No ... I" 

Then the sound of a loud CRASH!!!!! could be heard from the loft bedroom above. 

Doggett and Mulder ran quickly up the stairs to Doggett's bedroom. Both men stopped and gasped as the scene unfolded before them. 

"Oh my ..." Doggett whispered. 

"HOLY CRAP" Mulder shrieked. 

500 chipmunks were lined up around Doggett's bed, their eyes glowing blue as they chanted in what sounded like Latin. 

"Dude, you have way too many hamsters," Mulder muttered. 

Suddenly the chipmunks all turned on the men. "YOU MUST DIE IN THE NAME OF ZYBLOR, MORTAL SCUM!" their leader, the first chipmunk, exclaimed in a demonic voice. 

Mulder and Doggett's squeals were muffled as an army of chipmunks swarmed them. 

Just at that moment, Assistant Director Walter Skinner walked in, surveyed the scene with a professional eye and said, "Isn't there some law about keeping a private zoo?" 

By the time Skinner had entered the room Mulder had also fallen victim to the chipmunk attack and was tenderly nursing his _family jewels._ Skinner was horrified to find that two of his top agents were speaking in high pitched, squeaky voices. But this was nothing compared to the horror that awaited him when the lead chipmunk darted up his leg and proceeded to "mark the spot" with a very well placed CHOMP!!! 

High pitched chipmunk squeals greeted this latest development in the rapidly unfolding chipmunk saga. 

* * *

**PART 2**

An hour later, Monica rapped on John's front door, and frowned when her knocking was replied with frantic squeaks. 

The door opened an inch, and from the other side John peered out at her. 

"What do you want?" He asked, obviously trying to sound calm. 

"Uhm, is everything all right in there? You sounded, to say the least, odd on the phone." 

"I'm fine!" He squeaked, and from within the house Monica could hear squeaks. 

"Everything's fine! You can go now!" 

She frowned. "John--" 

"You don't by any chance have any peanuts, do you?" 

"Salted!" A voice squeaked from inside. 

"Yes! Salted!" 

Monica narrowed her eyes and peered over his head. "What's going on in there?" 

"Nothing!" He screamed, and slammed the door in her face. 

_What the--_ she thought, and banged on the door again. 

Silence, and then three voices: "Who is it?" 

"You know who it is! Now let me in!" And with a swift kick she knocked down the door (she had her wheaties that morning, just go with it.) 

As she stepped inside, she saw Doggett, Mulder, and Skinner scatter, squeaking and trying to run up the furniture. 

"SHE'S AFTER OUR SECRETS!" Skinner bellowed in a demonic voice as he mounted the television. 

"SHE'S AFTER ZYBLOR!" Doggett chimed in, trying to stuff himself up the fireplace. 

"COVER YOUR NUTS!" Mulder exclaimed, and, discovering he could not fit underneath the sofa began to run around, erratically squeaking. 

Now as every Phile knows, Monica loves animals. Especially furry little creatures. But ... well ... these three weren't exactly little. And frankly ... they didn't look a lot like Doggett,Mulder and Skinner. They looked like ... well ... very large chipmunks. Except that each one had a very distinctive feature. 

Skinner-Munk was completely hairless on the top of his head, which gave forth a lovely shine. Mulder-Munk had the largest nose she had ever seen on a chipmunk (for that matter,one of the largest she had seen period!). And Doggett-Munk ... well he had those exceptionally large ears! 

Monica was no fool ... she knew something was very wrong. Thinking quickly, she reached into her handbag and pulled out a handful of acorns and threw them down the stairs into the basement. Squeaking excitedly, Skinner-Munk and Doggett-Munk dove down the stairs after the tasty treats. Mulder-Munk however gave her a superior smirk, "Like you think that would work on me!" 

"You always were a smart-ass!" Monica replied and reaching into her never-fail handbag she drew out a handful of sunflower seeds and threw them down the basement stairs. Mulder-Munk made a wild leap and crashed head-over-paws down the stairs in pursuit of the seeds. 

Once all three mutant munks were safely in the basement, Monica slammed the door, whipped out her cell phone and placed a call. "Dana, it's Monica. I'm over at John's. I think you'd better dump William with Maggie and get your behind over here ... we've got trouble!" 

* * *

**PART 3**

Meanwhile somewhere in the Baltimore area, or maybe Annapolis (we've never really been sure where Ma Scully lives) Dana Scully prepares to drop off her little bundle of joy after receiving Monica's cryptic phone call. Maggie Scully answers the door and her face takes on a frozen smile mask look. 

"Dana, uh hi, and little William." 

"Mom I've got to go, can you look after him for a while?" 

"Of course Dana, after all he is my grandson." To herself she thinks, and if the little squirt starts moving the furniture around again when he takes a nap, well. . . 

"Thanks Mom." Scully thrusts the carry cot into her Mother's hands and turns back to her car, thereby not seeing her Mother being floated through the front door. . . 

By the time Scully had arrived at Doggett's, Monica was trying to coax Mulder down from atop an armoire with seeds. "Ooo is such a smoochy faced widdle chipmunky! Yes you are! Yes you are!" 

"Monica, what the hell is going on?" Scully exclaimed, drawing her gun. At the sight of the weapon, all three menmunks squealed and scrambled. 

"I don't know. I think this is some kind of male wilderness thing," Monica replied and resumed her coaxing. "Oh you so piddy! You're a piddy boy!" 

"Hey! That's the father of Meepmork you're talking to!" Scully grabbed the seeds from Monica and leered up at Mulder. "Mulder, come down from there right now!" 

"Can't. Zyblor needs sustinence." 

"Mulder, NOW!" 

From their places, Skinner and Doggett hissed at her. 

"Zyblor needs sustinence!" Mulder cried out again. 

"I think we should call animal control," Monica said quietly. "It would be one thing if there were just climbing the walls, but I'm pretty sure Doggett left a surprise behind the sofa. Bad piddy!" 

"Have you figured out who Zyblor is?" Scully made a grab for Mulder, but he inched further up the stairs as Doggett and Skinner hissed again. 

"She spoke the name of the master!" 

"Cover your nuts!" ( <\---I will be working this into every post from here on out ;)---->) 

Monica sighed and shook her head. "They call him the master. I sense he is a great and powerful leader of the underworld. I also sense that Ben and J-Lo will adopt a monkey in the new year." 

Scully rolled her eyes. "Ok, I think that we should call the hospital. I cannot have my child raised by a giant chipmunk named Zyblor." 

"Cover your nuts!" 

"Cover your nuts!" 

"Cover your nuts!" 

"Dana, look!" Monica gasped. Scully followed Monica's horrified gaze and the hair under her arms stood on end. 

Marching through the kitchen with glowing blue eyes and chubby cheeks was the army of chipmunks. 

* * *

**PART 4**

Meanwhile, somewhere in the greater Chesapeake Bay Area, Maggie Scully was pleading with her darling grandson, 

"William, please, put Granny down. It's not nice to float Granny around the house." 

William Scully Mulder, or perhaps it's William Mulder Scully kicked his little legs happily and watched as his Grandmother floated around the room propelled by his thoughts. His chortling laughter gave way to a sing song voice, 

"Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't." 

"William please, put me down." 

Suddenly his movements stilled and in a voice that was both loud and somewhat squeaky, he said, "Zyblor. . ." 

Unceremoniously his Grandmother dropped in a heap on the floor. 

* * *

**PART 5**

Meanwhile, back at the Doggett cage ... oops zoo ... sorry house, when we last left our heroes and heroines an army of chipmunks was striding through the door. The army was advancing menacingly when all of a sudden a sharp voice was heard yelling, "Get out of my way you little rodents!" 

Obediently, the little chipmunks parted and into their midst stode a very large chipmunk (hey, he stood about 5'6" which is pretty damn tall for a chipmunk). But this was not your ordinary chipmunk ... in addition to his size he was wearing a t-shirt and a baseball cap ... both emblazoned with the letter "A." 

The men-munks (what the heck, let's just keep calling them Doggett, Mulder and Skinner ... and I'm going alphabetically in these credits!) stared slack-jawed at the apparition and Monica and Scully both looked at the chipmunk in disbelief. "Why isn't that ..." Scully began. 

"It can't be ..." Monica exclaimed. "But it is ... it's ..." 

"AAAALLLVVIIIINNNNNN!" screeched the chip-men! 

* * *

**PART 6**

At the same time, at a location hidden in the hills of New Mexico, a man rocked back and forth in his rubber room, straining every once in a while against his strait-jacket. Outside his cell, two men conversed. 

"His behavior is becoming more erratic," Said the first, a middle aged doctor in a white coat. "He's been muttering about the leader, and of Alvin, and Zyblor. I think he knows more than we originally thought." 

The other man inhaled on his cigarette and peered through the small round window at the insane man on the floor. 

"You think he has a telekinetic power to the leader? The one he calls the old one?" 

"Maybe, but I think it goes deeper than that," The doctor replied, his face filled with anxiety. "When he was under hypnosis, he suggested that he was the FATHER of the leader. You know, of course, what the leader did to his two brothers?" 

"Yes -- I read your report. The man said that Zyblor--he called him Alvin--killed the other two, and even ate the little fat one. And when an attempt was made to arrest the leader, an army of chipmunks attacked." 

"And then he disappeared, leaving _this man_ raving naked through the office of his record company, singing about loop-the-loops and hula hoops." 

"And now this," The man drew deeply on his cigarette. "I think we need to take more drastic measures." 

The doctor's eyes grew wide. "You don't mean -- torture?" 

"It's for the good of mankind. Unless we can ensure full cooperation with the chipmunks we're doomed. This man is our only known link. If we can't get the information from him, all our plans will be lost." 

"But--" 

The doctor's words failed as the man with the cigarette entered the cell. The man on the floor looked up, his eyes filling with terror. 

"What do you want?" He peeped. 

The man with the cigarette smiled malevolently. "Hello, Dave." 

* * *

**PART 7**

Back at the Doggett house ... 

"Zyblor ... Zyblor ..." the little chipmunks chanted as the large one made his way through to stop in front of the two women. 

"Shut the hell up!" Alvin shouted and immediately the chipmunks became silent. 

Alvin turned to Scully and Monica. "I see you dames know who I am!" 

"Well the t-shirt and the hat are quite a giveaway," Scully commented "Even to someone who is not a highly trained, abnormally intelligent FBI goddess such as myself!" 

"Can the ego, Red!" Alvin grunted. He turned away from the women to survey the three men-munks (or chip-men, your call!). Alvin grinned a grin filled with fiendish glee. "Well ... well ... well ... I see my pals have done their work well. How ya doin, boys!" 

"I'm hot!" Skinner-munk squeaked, "This fur coat is killin' me!" 

"I'm hungry," Doggett-munk squawked. "I only got the little nuts, Skinner got the big nuts." 

"Damn straight," Skinner-munk replied. 

"I'm horny," Mulder-munk piped up in a strangely musical trill. "Hey, dearest Dana, what do you say we go make another Meepmork?" 

A look of mingled terror and nausea crossed Scully's face and she quickly ducked behind Monica. "Only if you're ready to carry him for 13 months and give birth surrounded by an audience," she snarled. 

Alvin cackled with pleasure. "Hot damn, this is better than I expected," he chortled, baring his white buck teeth in his delight. 

"Mulder, you leave Dana alone ... and Johnny, sweetie you do NOT have little nuts. Now, what are you talking about, Alvin," Monica asked in confusion. "My highly developed psychic instincts tell me that you are suffering from a great pain that demands to be soothed ... " 

"Oh, hell, another New Age female with an over-sized ego!" Alvin groaned, turning to Doggett-Munk in exasperation. "How did you ever put up with that crap?" 

Doggett-munk shrugged, "Sometimes you gotta give to get," he squeaked. "And speaking of giving, give! What is this all about?" 

"Well I guess you gotta right to know what's goin' on." Alvin said as he flopped down on the couch. "Take a seat and I'm gonna tell you a story ... one that involves your dear old daddy," he said, staring straight at Mulder-munk. 

"About thirty years ago, a fiendish plot began by a species of grey men from another planet, a fiendish plot to take over your planet and turn every single living thing into a zombie-slave for a new race of human-grey men," Alvin began, and chipmunks, menmunks, and women sat around him. One chipmunk built a bonfire and the gang passed around a bag of jumbo marshmallows to roast. 

"You people think that they only abducted humans for experiments, that HUMANS were their first choice. Not true -- they originally wanted cows, but discovered that cows were more concerned with food than world domination," Alvin continued. "Their next choice was fluffy little bunnies, but after about a day they were finding it increasingly difficult to separate the little buggers. 

"Then they came to chipmunks--our species was perfect. We would do anything for nuts and were unassuming with our chubby cheeks and fluffy little tails. They began to create chipmunk aliens, beginning with three very special chipmunks -- myself and my two brothers, Simon and Theodore. Simon was too obvious, what with his huge glasses and his enormous brain. Theodore was a failure -- he was worse than the cows! Always hungry! 

"I was the perfect prototype. I was perfect in every way. But just as we were preparing to unleash an army of super-chipmunks on the world fate turned and the aliens discovered humans as the perfect species to experiment on and collaborated with the humans in your government. The aliens created their first prototype --a man by the name of Mork, and unleashed him on the world to judge his influence. Mork claimed he was from Ork, a neighbouring planet. He looked like a human, acted like a human, and when he wasn't influencing human behaviour with his wacky antics he disguised himself as a well known comedian by the name of Robin Williams, but make no mistake! Mork is truly an Orkian! 

"But Mork fell in love with the human race and abandoned his mission to dress up in women's clothing for gross amounts of money. Despite our urging, the aliens refused to turn back to the chipmunk army, and released us into the wild, expecting us to accept our fate and spend the rest of our lives begging for popcorn in public parks. 

"Dude, we're out of marshmallows," Skinner exclaimed, and a small horde of chipmunks ran to the fridge, returning with a package of weenies, and the weenie roast began. 

Alvin went on. "As for my brothers and myself, we were left on the doorstep of a ruthless record executive by the name of David Seville -- he was a horrible man! He turned us into a circus act and made us sing oldies, keeping the money for himself and spending it on hard drugs and loose women while we were kept in the basement! Oh, the horror!" 

The chipmunks rumbled angrily. 

"Being the most perfect, I came up with a plan to revolt. I tried to urge my brothers to join me, but they refused. Simon was interested in studying human behaviour and Theodore didn't want to give up the free food. I stuffed Simon into the laundry machine and drained him to death. I knocked Theodore over the head with a can of tomato soup and ate him in order to hide the evidence. When Dave came down to unleash another bout of torture on us I attacked him and stole his clothes -- a really lame looking red dress and hat. Then I stole out into the night. 

"When Dave told his story to the government they locked him up, hiding him away in a bunker in the middle of the desert. The man who smokes cigarettes, and your father, Muldermunk, experimented on him to see if he was truly telling the truth, and CSM still tortures him to see what information he can give about my whereabouts. Meanwhile, I assembled this army -- the army of cast-offs!--into my own militant group. I've reclaimed my identity! I am now known as Zyblor!" 

"Cover your nuts!" 

"Through supersecret experiments we discovered a way to infect humans with our chipmunky goodness -- and we are a success! Behold just three of our many victims!" 

Alvin pointed at Muldermunk, Doggettmunk, and Skinnermunk, and the three leapt up and squeaked. 

"But this is just one faction of our experimentations," Alvin turned to Scully, who was humming campfire songs as she burned her weenie. "We used the DNA from Mork and myself to create a new hybrid -- a perfect hybrid!" 

Scully dropped her weenie into the fire and her jaw dropped. "You don't mean ..." 

"Yes, sweetheart!" Alvin laughed insanely. "We inserted the hybrid into your womb, and thirteen months later, you gave birth to MEEPMORK!" 

"Noooooooooooooooooooooo!" Scully went down on her knees and howled. "This is not happening!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Monica shared her weenie with an especially cute squirrel, watching with amusement; Muldermunk began humping a chairleg; Skinnermunk had turned the tv on and he and Doggettmunk were now watching Jenny Jones. 

* * *

**PART 8**

**(COMMERCIAL BREAK)**

Authors' Notes: Please go along with this ... it was the only way we could work this character into the story! 

(Enter the tall, dark and handsome Alex Krycek, spokesperson for Fox's latest Reality Show ... American Animal Idols:) 

Krycek speaks: "You won't want to miss tonight's grand finale, when the Singing Dogs go up against our latest challengers ... The FedMunks. Here's is a sample of what's in store: 

(Camera cuts to Doggettmunk, Muldermunk and Skinnermunk warbling their attempt to make it to the American Animal Idol Hall of Fame) 

The Fed-Munk Song (sung to the tune of the Chipmunk Song) 
    
    
         "Mutant chipmunks here to croon, 
         Man-sized rodents sing their tune. 
         Squeaking here to do our part 
         Chasing boy-bands up the charts! 
         High-pitched voices pain your ears. 
         (Doggettmunk solo) I wanna date with Brit-ney Spears 
         You love Backstreet Boys, O-Town and N'Sync 
         And you'll love us ... though we stink!" 
    

(Camera cuts back to Krycek) 

"That's tonight on American Animal Idols ... following The X-Files - Alvin's Revenge on the Fox Television Network." 

(Camera fades and we return to our show!) 

* * *

**PART 9**

Meanwhile, back at FBI headquarters, husband and wife cleaning crew, Esperanza and Hector Ochoa, pushed their vacuum cleaner, trash can, and dust rags into one of the executive offices. 

Esperanza began to dust a credenza against the back wall. Her sleeve caught on the knob of one of the doors and pulled it part way open. She went to close it but something had fallen part way out of the door and she had to open it further to push the object back. As she opened the cabinet door, acorns began spilling from the credenza out onto the floor. She squealed in surprise and horror. 

Hector came running over to see what was going on and promptly tripped on an acorn. He swore and then crawled the rest of the way over to Esperanza on his knees. 

"Mira! Look!" said Esperanza. 

Hector looked. A latex full-head mask of a man had fallen out of the credenza. It seemed to have bits of fur and fluff coming out of the neck and nose. 

"It's him!" cried Hector. He pointed at the picture on the desk. ...a picture of Deputy Director Alvin Kersh. 

* * *

**PART 10**

Back at the Doggett-munk house, Scully had thrown herself on the floor in a screaming, sobbing fit at the mere thought that Meepmork... er ... William ... might not be Mulder's child but some alien spawn. 

Monica however was not about to accept this kind of information as Gospel truth without some additional evidence (hey, she's open-minded but she wasn't exactly born yesterday, y'know!). "Just a minute Alvin, " she challenged. "I know everything there is to know about Mork from Ork and there's no way that William could be his baby." 

"Are you challenging the word of Zyblor," Alvin demanded. 

"Cover your Nuts!" the three men-munks hollered, proceeding to crouch to do just that. 

"Absolutely," Monica replied. "I happen to know that Orkian babies are born full grown adults ... rather mature ones at that. William was born an infant." 

"Damn Monica did you watch EVERY ABC sitcom?" Doggett-munk demanded. 

"Actually, your New-Age fruitcake girlfriend has a point," Alvin said, grinning. 

"She is NOT my girlfriend," Doggett-munk muttered. 

"That was a problem with the Orkian/human cross," Alvin continued. "However,like any good breeder, we played with the DNA and found that when we threw in the chipmunk factor, we solved it. However, there is just one little thing. You know the exceptional length of your pregnancy?" 

"Y ...yyyessss?" Scully said, lifting her tear-stained face. 

"Well, by mixing the various DNAs we found that it takes the Ork/human/chipmunk hybrid much longer to mature," Alvin explained. "The hybrid only ages one year for every seven human years." 

The room was suddenly still ... then Skinner-munk asked in a voice gone quiet with horror, "You ... mean ..." 

"Yep, Scully's kid has S.O.D.A.S. ... Soap Opera Delayed Aging Syndrome." 

Except for some chipmunk chatter, the room was still as they all absorbed the meaning of Alvin's words. Then Scully gave an unearthly shriek, "NOOOOOOOO! I'll be breastfeeding and changing diapers for the next seven years." 

"Actually, I'd guess 10 to 14 years, Toots!" Doggett-munk replied. 

**"NOOOOOO!!!!! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!!!!"**

* * *

**PART 11**

Back in New Mexico ... 

"How can he stand this?" 

Dr. Melnitz was standing beside the Cigarette Smoking Man as they peered through the glass window. It had been 8 hours since the torture of David Seville had begun. Strapped down to the infamous "torture chair" he was being forced to listen to an endless rotation of "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" "I Think I Love You (Partridge Family), "Sunshine Day" (The Brady Kids), "Bye, Bye, Bye" (N'Sync) and "Baby Hit Me One More Time (Britney Spears). 

"I don't understand this at all," Dr. Melnitz exclaimed. "This has broken men far stronger than Seville." 

"It does seem incredible," CSM muttered. "Not only is he enduring it ... he actually appears to be ENJOYING it!" 

And this was true ... upon examination it was clear that Seville was listening to the "music" with near orgasmic ecstasy. There was a blissful smile on his face and he even seemed to be humming along ... breaking into an occasional 

"Baby hit me one more time!" along with Britney. 

The door opened and Diana Fowley entered the room. "Are you having any luck," she enquired. 

"Absolutely none at all, Diana," CSM replied. "I simply cannot understand it." 

They stood quietly for a moment listening, and a look of pained comprehension crossed Diana's face. "You fools, you think you know about torture," she exclaimed. "Think about it ... this is the music of David Seville's life. You're not torturing him, you're playing him lullabies and lovemaking music." 

Diana reached into her handbag (like most agents her handbag was filled with the most unlikely assortment of useful things). "Here, put this in your CD player, you imbecile." 

Dr. Melnitz looked at CSM who shrugged and lit up another cigarette. "Go ahead, we've got nothing to lose." 

Melnitz complied and a moment later the room was filled with the sounds of Led Zeppelin's immortal "Whole Lotta Love." Instantly, Seville's demeanor changed ... his face contorted ... his fists clenched ... he strained against the restraints on the chair and by the time Robert Plant was howling, "Squeeze my lemon till the juice runs down my leg!" he broke. 

**"NO! NO! YOU INHUMAN B_STARDS ... I'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING!"**

"God, I love Led Zeppelin!" Diana exclaimed. 

* * *

**PART 12**

Back at the Doggett house, Monica was trying desperately to comfort a hysterical Scully. Skinner-Munk was roaming around the kitchen looking for more food since the chipmunks had consumed all the marshmallows and weenies and was pleased to locate an unopened box of Pop-Tarts. Doggett-Munk was sniffing around and trying to make time with a particularly cute chipmunk of the female persuasion while Mulder-Munk sat silently thinking over everything Alvin had said. "Let me get this straight," he said at last. "Meepy ... uh ... William is NOT my son?" 

"Absolutely, positively, definitely not," Alvin replied. "Hey, it's easy enough to prove ... you and the kid just have to take a DNA test and it will prove you are not the father. Actually, Meepy has two fathers ... Mork and me. How blessed can a child get?" 

"B...bb....uttt ... what about that one lonely night when I invited Mulder into my bed?" Scully asked in a trembling voice. 

Alvin shrugged, "Hey, how the two of you get your kicks is no business of mine," he replied. "Although it sure took you a long time ... seven years to get to one horizontal tango? And from the videotape I saw it sure was a quickie." 

"Well after all it did take Mulder seven years to get her to come across" Doggett-Munk spoke, defending his bestest pal. "I mean she really made Mulder wait for it, y'know." 

"What did you expect ... I'm a good Catholic girl," Scully shot back, tears forgotten as her temper flared. "Not everyone jumps into bed with a guy right away like your New Age slut here." 

"Now just a minute, Dana," Monica replied angrily. "I'm not a slut just because I go to bed with people I care about. I believe in free and uninhibited expressions of love and sexuality as you well know ... remember last weekend?" 

"Monica!" Scully screamed. "They weren't supposed to know about that!" 

"Just a minute there," Doggett-Munk squeaked. "Monica, you told me you were working on a case with Skinner and Scully." 

"No, that's not what I said," Monica replied, thoroughly unrepentant. "I said I was taking a trip with Skinner and Scully. You simply assumed it was business." 

"Wait a minute ... you mean you were triple-timing me with Scully and Skinner????" Doggett-Munk shouted in disbelief. 

"Hey, you could have come along, too," Monica shrugged. "I never said you couldn't. Now you know what you miss by not keeping yourself open to the possibilities in life." 

"I don't believe this," Doggett-Munk shook his head and foufed his tail as he turned to face Skinner-Munk. "I thought you were a pal and you were screwing my partner." 

"Well, actually I was screwing yours AND Mulder's partners," Skinner-Munk replied. "Had a damn good time, too. Oh ... you need to put Pop-Tarts on your shopping list." 

"Damn, it seems like everyone's having sex but me!" Alvin muttered. 

At this moment, Mulder-Monk dropped to his knees and gave a shout, "HALLELUJAH, AMEN!" 

Everyone in the room turned to face Mulder-Munk and he looked up at them giving a cheeky chipmunky grin. "Don't you see? I'm off the hook! I'm not William's father! No more providing child support for his diapers and clothes and toys. No more listening to those accusations of being a deadbeat dad just because I ran out on Scully and the brat to save my skin ... even though she told me to! I'm free... I'M FREE!!!!!" 

* * *

**PART 13**

Back at the FBI, Brad Follmer met with the excitable Ochoas. "Mr. And Mrs.Ochoa, please just calm down and tell me what you found." 

"It's right here, Mr. Follmer," Hector explained. "We were just doing our jobs here ... working our fingers to the bone ... cleaning up after the dirty Anglos who keep us in our place in these servile, under-paid jobs ... just like we always do ..." 

"And my arm opened up the cupboard door and this fell out," Esperanza continued, holding up the Kersh-mask. "Ay mi Dios ... I look at it and it look just like him!" and again she pointed to the picture of Kersh on the desk. 

Follmer took the mask and looked it over. His keen eyes spotted the 

bits of fur and fluff and could have come only from a chipmunk. His mind began to race as he thought of all the possibilities. "Ah, yes ... I remember now," he said to the excited pair. "I wore this to ... uh ... A.D.Kersh's birthday party." 

Hector was openly skeptical "Why you wear a Kersh mask to his birthday party?" 

"Well, we staged a 'This Is Your Life' skit to celebrate and I played Kersh in the skit," the lies tripped easily from Follmer's lips and he congratulated himself on his creativity. "He liked the mask so much he asked to keep it and so I gave it to him." 

"R-iii--- ght!" said Esperanza. 

Follmer reached into his wallet and pulled out two hundred-dollar bills, giving one to each of the Ochoas. "You did the right thing to call me. I'm glad I was able to come out and put your minds to rest," he reassured the couple. "Now, why don't you take the rest of the night off, okay?" 

"We ... llll ... okay," Hector agreed and taking Esperanza's arm he led her quickly out of the room, noting that Follmer hastily shut the door as soon as they left. 

"You didn't really believe that sh-ee-t did you?" Esperanza asked her husband. 

"Hell no, but what do I care if the crazy Anglos are doing weird things?" Hector replied. "As long as he paid us to keep our mouths shut. Who knows ...maybe we'll hit pay dirt with this guy the way Grandpa did with J. Edgar Hoover." 

"I don't know Hector," Esperanza told him, "Finding a mask of A.D. Kersh is not like finding women's clothes in the FBI Director's closet." 

"No, but it's a start," Hector told her. "Come on ... we still need to check and see what dirt we can find in the Attorney General's office." 

* * *

**PART 14**

Brad Follmer walked into the seedy beer joint and sat down at the bar next to the the only other customer. 

"So, Lucky Tony..." 

"Brad! Brad! Whazzamatter? You need more money? You need a new car or somethin'?" asked Tony while pulling out a fat envelope. 

"Didn't I tell you not to use my real name?!?!?!" hissed Follmer under his breath. He stole a glance at the barkeep who was down at the far end of the counter cleaning glasses. She never even looked at them. 

"No, no, Tony. Nothing like that." (Brad grabbed the envelope anyways and stuffed it in his trench coat pocket.) I need information." 

"Information isn't free Braddy." 

Follmer reluctantly took the fat envelope back out . Tony grabbed for it but Follmer held it just out of reach while he used his other hand to pull an acorn out of his other pocket. He plopped it down on the bar. 

"So Tony, what do you know about this?" 

Tony forgot all about the envelope and stared at the acorn with his mouth open. 

"Ah... yeah, well, you see Brad... I, uh.... I'll have to get back to you, OK? I, um, I need to run this by some people I know, OK?" 

Tony jumped up, grabbed the acorn, and ran out of the bar. 

Follmer shrugged, ordered a beer, drank it, then left. 

After Brad Follmer left the building, the bartender picked up her phone and punched in some numbers. Apparently someone answered her call... 

"Hey. This is Keisha from the saloon. You said I should call this number if I heard anyone asking about nuts... You know, acorns... From oak trees?... Yeah. Well this guy from the FBI was in here.... How did I know he was from the FBI? 'Cause he had on a suit and trench coat. It's 80 freakin' degrees and 75% humidity. He sure wasn't that Sprint guy! His name? Tony called him Brad... Sure, sure... I got yer number if I hear more. Got it right here." 

The bartender hung up as she fingered the stiff piece of paperboard with the phone number on it. She turned it over and shrugged as she looked at the "Morley's" label. 

* * *

**PART 15**

Meanwhile back at the ranch, ah, somewhere in Maryland. . . 

Maggie picked herself up from the floor, dusted herself off and looked over to where William was, all the time muttering, "Zyblor, who or what the hell is Zyblor?" 

William seemed oblivious to her while at the same time devoting all his attention to, well his cute little baby nuts. He alternated between saying "Zyblor and "Cover your nuts." 

Maggie studied her grandson intently while a question or two formed in her mind. 'When had he started talking, when had he discovered his penis, when had his Pampers gotten so tight around the front, and who in God's name was Zyblor?' 

The more she studied him, the more the phrase "chipmunk cheeks." used to describe many babies' chubby cheeks, really seemed to fit William. Plus she would swear that the hair coming in on his head had a faint stripiness to it. What was going on here? And why did it always fall to her to put up with the baby's little oddities. Where the hell was Dana when this stuff happened. 

She loved her grandchildren but seriously, it was bad enough having to occasionally put up with Matthew, who truth be told, was not the brightest bulb in the pack, but considering who his father was, that was not to be unexpected, but to have to put up with William constantly while Dana went gallivanting around ostensibly making the country safe from God's knew what leaving her with the freak grandson was just more than was to be expected. She'd take a slightly dull grandson over one who, the more she looked at him, the more she thought resembled a fat and sassy chipmunk. 

* * *

**PART 16**

Back in New Mexico ... 

"That is an absolutely un-f**in believable story," Dr. Melnitz exclaimed as he emerged from David Seville's cell. He had left the mewling, totally broken Seville with a CD player and the latest Yanni CD to rejoin CSM and Diana Fowley. 

"Yes, but it does explain so much," said Diana. "Okay old man, what do we do now?" 

"Give me a moment to think, Diana," CSM replied as he lit a cigarette. 

"Everything we ever knew or believed has suddenly changed on us. Who would have thought everything would go to hell?" 

"I don't know why you're surprised ... it's happened every time you've gotten involved," Diana snapped. "You keep insisting that you know what's best instead of acknowledging my Divine Goddess-like wisdom." 

CSM's cell phone rang and he answered it with some relief, "Yes ... hello Keisha how nice of you to call, but I told you I wouldn't be free until Thursday night. Oh, it's not that kind of call. Well? ..." 

Diana saw his eyes narrow as he listened, "Really? Acorns? Very interesting. ... And how did you know he was from the FBI? .... Well, yes that is something of a giveaway. You didn't by chance happen to get his name, did you? Ah ... wonderful. Very good, my dear. Yes, yes I'll be by Thursday ... make sure you get that whip oiled up, alright my dear? And of course, you can call me if you hear anything else." 

"So what's going on besides your Thursday S &M appointment?" Diana asked as he tucked his cell phone back in his pocket. 

"It seems that Assistant Director Brad Follmer was over at the Yellow Rat Saloon this evening ... asking about acorns." 

"Acorns?" Diana echoed. "That means that divinely good-looking slimeball is on to something." 

"Yes ... and I believe we know where to find him. Also I have another phone call to make," CSM replied. "I need to call a certain party in Hollywood. He must be informed of recent developments." 

"Well, hell I have my Porsche here," Diana exclaimed. "You can call him while I drive. Just one thing though, you miserable smokestack." 

"And that would be," CSM asked as he pulled out his package of Morleys. 

"Hiiiiii-yaaaaa!" with a quick movement Diana karate-kicked the Morleys out of CSMs hand. "No smoking in MY Porsche!" 

* * *

**PART 17**

Back at the Doggett house ... 

By now, Doggett-Munk was really starting to get pissed off. The day simply was not going the way he had planned. This was Saturday and instead of the usual Saturday clean-the-gun-in-front-of -NASCAR-race-on-television routine (followed by stripping down to his swimtrunks to wash his truck which he did just to turn on his busybody female neighbors) he had had planned to sleep in and then he and Mulder were going to spend an exciting afternoon at the track (he had phoned his bookie to place a bet on Girdle in the Stretch, Cabbage by a Head and Beetle-bomb to Win, Place and Show in the Trifecta). Then they were supposed to spend the evening at the Pink Pussycat where the Marvelous Maitraya was breaking in her act. 

Instead he had been awakened early by his frickin' allergies, had been on the receiving end of a nasty bite to his treasured parts by a chipmunk and had suddenly found himself turned into an incredibly furry creature with a high-pitched voice, an incredible craving for nuts and a highly developed protective instinct for his family jewels (not surprising given the events of the day). He had discovered that his partner and off-and-on girlfriend had spent a merry weekend screwing his former partner (who was in a state of wailing hysterics upon discovering that the father of her baby really wasn't the father of her baby) and his boss ... who had been turned into a giant chipmunk, as had his best friend and the supposed father of his former partner's baby. A giant chipmunk was spinning a story about alien chipmunks and human/alien/hybrids that would have been impossible for him to believe except that he saw the evidence whenever he looked in a mirror. And just to make everything perfect, the house had been overrun by hundreds of little chipmunks. About the only good thing was that the maid was coming to clean on Monday ... which would take care of the mess the little buggers were leaving. 

Looking around himself, Doggett-Munk heaved a heavy sigh, "Man, this is some damn weird weekend!" 

* * *

**PART 18**

Meanwhile back in Maryland (we've been here before), Maggie is still trying to figure out what the feck is going on. 

Cautiously, she approached her grandson, who stopped playing with himself and turned his attention to his "Grandmother." 

"Now William. . ." She spoke softly, but with a touch of steel in her voice. One never knew when the little bundle of joy was going to decide to levitate someone. She continued her advance. 

"Hold it right there Toots." William spoke clearly, albeit in a more than slightly squeaky voice. 

"What did you say to Grandmother, William?" Even as she spoke she was shaking her head, how on earth could a baby be speaking in complete sentences? And calling her Toots? 

"Whoa, Toots you're assuming an awful lot there." The voice was squeaky, but the tone was more than a little insolent. "Let's get a couple of things straight here, you're not my Grandmother. Yeah the red head hatched me, but I'm not hers anymore than tall, dark and handsome is my Father." 

"What?" Maggie was surprised that her own voice had taken on a slightly squeaky timbre as well. 

"That's right Toots, I'm not theirs, though the redhead did a nice job incubating me, and I'm partial to her nugs, not that big, but primo food producer." He punctuated this statement by smacking his little lips. 

"Now William. . ." 

"Oh and Toots, the name is not William, it's Meepmork." 

Maggie dropped into a fortuitously placed chair muttering "I need a drink." 

"Yeah Toots, I could use a drink too, where's Red and the nugs?" 

Maggie reached for the phone and punched in the number of Scully's cell phone. 

* * *

**PART 19**

Back at the Doggett house ... 

Doggett-Munk did a very stupid thing. "Freakin' hell," he muttered, "At least it can't get any worse than this." 

But Zyblor-Alvin was looking around and saw his evil plans for world domination spinning out of control. Instead of massing his army of Super-Munks he was in some guy's badly decorated living room (pictures of dogs playing poker? What the hey?) listening to confessions of sluttish antics that would shame even a regular on Jerry Springer. 

Zyblor was not amused. He raised a god-like paw and thundered, "Silence!" 

The hundreds of tiny chipmunks scampering about Doggett's living room froze in their tracks and ceased chattering. 

The Dogget-Munk and Mulder-Munk stopped their blasphemous curses and cries of Hallelujah, respectively. Semi-solid pop-tart fell from the open lips of Skinner-Munk. 

Scully's blubbering and sobbing came to a halt and even Monica Reyes stopped humming "Orca's Greatest Hits" for the time being. She continued to belly-dance, however, albeit in silence. 

Now that he had their attention, Zyblor-Alvin wondered what he should do. A tiny light went on in his tiny rodent brain, and a hideous grin spread from one fat chippy cheek to the other. It was perfect. 

Here were four of them, as of old, only this time, it was Alvin, Alvin who was in control! _Buahahahahha,_ he laughed silently. 

"All right, fellas," he commanded. The Doggett-Munk, Skinner-Munk and Mulder-Munk chittered nervously, sensing the approach of something terrible. 

Zyblor-Alvin raised both hands, and summoning all his alien mind-control powers, he commanded, "A one, and a two, and a ...SING!" 

In unison, then, "Ooooh, Eeeee, oooh ah ah! Ting! Tang! Walla walla bing bang...." Doggett-Munk, Skinner-Munk, and Doggett-Munk were wholly at the mercy of Zyblor. 

Monica Reyes watched Alvin - or Zyblor, or whatever the big chipmunk called himeself - lead Doggett-Munk, Skinner-Munk, and Mulder-Munk in a rollicking rendition of "Witch Doctor". She really wanted to join in - the song was slightly before her time but she had watched enough cartoons and listened to enough radio as a child to be familiar with it and enjoy it. She was rocking back and forth in time to the music but then she chanced to glance over at Scully. 

Although Scully had momentary stopped her hysterical blubbering, her face was still red and puffy. Suddenly Scully made a funny sound. She crossed her arms and cupped her hands over her breasts. 

"It's time for William's feeding. I'm starting to leak!" she screamed while racing into the bathroom and shutting the door. 

Monica was just about to ask Scully if she needed any soothing whale song to help her out when she realized that she needed to do something more significant. 

She might be an air-headed, new age bimbo..... but at the moment she was the best chance any of them had to escape this situation. She figured they needed some help here. 

She slowly side-stepped over to the phone. Unfortunately Skinner-Munk had been still hungry after consuming the last of the poptarts and had chewed through the phone cord. Damn! And Monica had left her cell phone at home this morning in all the excitement. Monica was just wondering if she should check out the phone upstairs when she heard a ringing sound coming from Scully's purse over on the sofa. 

* * *

**PART 20**

Back in Maryland. . . 

Maggie kept one eye on William, uh, Meepmork who was back to playing with himself while making powerful sucking noises, as she waited, hopefully, for Scully to answer the phone. 

"Scully's phone." Maggie heard a slightly breathless voice on the other end of the line. 

"Where the h*ll is Dana?" Maggie was beyond niceties at this point. She was stuck here with a freakazoid infant who wasn't her grandchild, an infant who could levitate her at will and was now eying her as a potential source of, at the very least, a snack and someone, not her daughter had just answered her daughter's cell phone. 

"Uh, who is this?" The voice still sounded breathless. 

"Who the h*ll is this? What have you done with my daughter?" Maggie was really getting fed up. She should have never answered the door earlier. It would have been so much easier to have just gone out the back door to the garage, gotten in her car and driven off The Embassy Suites where she knew Brad would have been waiting for her. The thought of their meeting brought a faint smile to her face, and then an even bigger smile when she thought of what her prim and proper daughter would think if she knew that Maggie was having a torrid affair with a slightly younger, OK, much younger man. 

"Oh Mrs. Scully, it's Monica Reyes, Dana is, uhm, indisposed at the moment." 

Great, Maggie thought, the air-head new age, bimbette. "Well tell her to get unindisposed, we've got a leetle problem here. The kid says he's not Dana's, his name is Meepmork, and he's hungry. There are some things I just draw the line at." Especially, she thought, when she was wearing a very daring new lingerie ensemble she had picked up at Victoria's Secret. 

"Mrs. Scully, are you feeling OK." 

God, Maggie thought, that voice was really annoying. "Just peachy." But I'd be a lot better if I were tearing up the sheets with Brad, she thought. 

"Wait a minute, Mrs. Scully, did you say something about Meepmork?" 

As Monica said the name, pandemonium ensued amongst the various munks, both chip and men. 

"What did you say," Alvin-Zyblor demanded angrily. 

"What's going on there?" Monica heard Maggie demanding over the phone. 

"Please, Mrs. Scully, wait just a minute ..." Monica pleaded into the phone. 

"Hey come on guys, I can't hear and with this much noise my psychic woofer and tweeter just gave out." 

"QUIET!!!!" Alvin-Zyblor roared, then motioned to Monica to continue. 

"Now then, Mrs. Scully, you were saying ..." Monica questioned. 

"Listen you New Age Twit ... get my daughter on the phone in the next five minutes or you can tell her that I'm going to hit her with a bill for babysitting services that will take her until retirement age to pay off," Maggie Scully said in total exasperation. 

Alvin-Zyblor motioned to Mulder-Munk who went to the powder room and knocked on the door. "Uh, hey Scully, you okay in there?" 

"Go away, I'm busy!" Scully hollered from behind the door. 

"Scully ... come on... your mom's on the phone and she sounds a little upset," Mulder-Munk pleaded. "It has something to do with William ..." 

Instantly the door crashed open and instead of weepy Scully a fiery virago emerged. "What ... William?" she shrieked, knocking Mulder-Munk out of the way and kicking every freaking little chipmunk that got in her way, stopping to karate-kick the coffee table and put her fists through the walls while she was at it. "My baby! My baby," she screamed, yanking the phone out of Monica's hand (and pratically yanking the poor girl's arm out of it's socket while she was at it) and screamed "You old b!tch...what have you done with my baby!" 

Well, that tore it for Maggie Scully. After all she had endured she was NOT going to be screamed at by her own hysterical daughter. "You listen here you spoiled, over-educated, neglectful excuse for a daughter," she began. "You tell me where you are right now before I call the police and file a complaint against you for willful neglect of your child ... and God knows I've got the evidence to prove it!" 

"I'm not her child," Meepmork muttered. "And tell her to get a move on ...I think my blood sugar's dropping." 

The note in her mother's voice thoroughly cowed Scully, "Mom, I'm over at John Doggett's house." 

"What in the hell are you doing there," Maggie demanded. "No, don't answer that. Just get your butt in the car and get over here as fast as you can." 

"Mom, I can't do that," Scully insisted. "There's a problem here and something's happened to Mulder ..." 

"Listen, I know you're hot to trot with Fox but your child comes first," Maggie ordered. "He needs you ...he's hungry and he's acting strange." 

"Hey, watch it Toots," Meepmork piped up. "Hungry yes, strange no. Besides, from what I've seen of Red and her friends, especially the one she's got the hots for, you all have no business calling ME strange!" 

"Mom, please ..." 

"Okay, that's it!" Maggie Scully shouted. "I am getting William ready and I'm bringing him over there right now!" 

"Mom, you can't ... it's not ..." but all Scully heard was a click as Maggie hung up the phone. She turned to Monica with complete terror in her eyes. "Monica, she's bringing William here. What are we going do?" 

"SING!" Alvin-Zyblor commanded, and instantly Mulder-Munk, Doggett-Munk and Skinner-Munk resumed the chorus of "Ooo Eee Ooo Ah Ah." When they reached the part where lyrics were needed, Alvin-Zyblor turned to Monica with a knowing glint in his eye. "Come on, fruitcake ... you know you want to ... you know you need to ..." 

Monica gave in to the urge she had been fighting and picked up the lyric "My friend the Witchdoctor, he told me what to do ..." 

Scully shook her head in disbelief and collapsed onto the couch, muttering, "Fine ... sure ... whatever ..." 

* * *

**PART 21**

Meanwhile, Maggie had grabbed her purse and the car seat and was making her way to where Meepmork was STILL playing with himself, "Okay you little terror, we're going for a ride," she muttered. "We're going to go see your Mommy!" 

"Hey great ... I love going out to eat," Meepmork replied with a devilish grin. 

Struggling with the car seat and Meepmork, Maggie managed to get out the door and was heading to her car when a familiar shiny red Corvette pulled up and out jumped Brad. Maggie gave a sigh of relief when she saw him ... at last, something was going right for her today. 

Brad leaped out of the 'Vette and ran to Maggie's side, "Darling ...let me help you here." 

Maggie smiled at him in gratitude."Oh, Brad, Thank God you're here. If you could just take William ..." she shifted her little bundle of terror. 

Brad reached for the child but the youngster quickly kicked out, catching Brad on his pretty dimpled chin. "Don't you lay a hand on me, sweet stuff," Meepmork snarled. Maybe the old broad doesn't mind you putting your hands all over her but I DO!" 

Brad's gorgeous eyes nearly popped out of his head and he rubbed his dimpled chin, "Wha ... what's going on here?" 

Maggie sighed, "Oh God, Brad ... just about everything that could go wrong today has. I need to get William over to Dana right away." 

"B..bbut Maggie, honey, did I just hear William talking," Brad asked, dumbfounded. 

"Nah, the old bag has suddenly become a ventriloquist," Meepmork replied. "Damn, you may be pretty but you're one dumb ass. Yeah, I was talking. And the name's Meepmork." 

"Maggie, I don't understand this," Brad said as he picked up the car seat and held it in a defensive position since the little cherub looked like he was getting ready to place another well-aimed kick. 

"Neither do I and I've had just about enough," Maggie moaned. "All I want to do is give this kid back to Dana and spend the rest of the weekend with you, Stud-Muffin." 

"Aww, I know my sweet little Mummy-hunny," Brad soothed. 

"You keep up that kind of crap and I'm gonna hurl," Meepmork snarled. "Come on let's get going. I TOLD you I was hungry. I WANT RED'S NUGGIES NOW!" 

"Brad, please let's just get going," Maggie pleaded. "Dana's over at John Doggett's house. Can we please take your car? Your Vette's so much faster than my Volvo." 

"Of course, sweetheart," Brad answered, helping her and Meepmork into his car. 

"While we're on our way over there you can tell me what's going on." 

Brad climbed into the car and switched on the ignition, giving Meepmork a baleful glance as he thought of what a kid this age might do to his expensive upholstery. Meepmork stared right back, "I know what you're thinkin' Brad! You better be glad that the old gal gave me a diaper change a few minutes ago and I haven't had anything to eat since Red took off. Now let's get goin!" 

Brad peeled off down the street, failing to notice the silver Porsche that was following him ... 

* * *

**PART 22**

Returning to the Doggett-house ... 

Alvin was shaking his head ruefully as his new chipmunk trio plus tart (meaning Men-Munks plus Monica) continued to mangle his former breakthrough hit. "God, can't any of you sing on-key?" he groaned. 

"Listen, you're lucky they sound THAT good," Scully spat out at him. "Monotone Mulder is a one-note Charlie if there ever was one. I heard Agent Doggett sing La Bamba once ... ewww," she shuddered at the memory. "And just because Monica can ohm and ooo whale songs doesn't mean she can actually sing." 

"You should talk," Monica shot back. "The whole world knows how you butchered Jeremiah was a Bullfrog ... I'm surprised Three Dog Night didn't sue you for that." 

"They tried," Mulder-Munk chirped. "But Scully had special immunity since she sang it on a case." 

"Actually, she's also sung it to William a few times," Doggett-Munk spoke up. 

"You're kidding, right?" Mulder-Munk asked in surprise. 

"Hell, no!" Doggett-Munk answered. "Probably traumatized the poor kid for life." 

At that moment the doorbell rang. Alvin raised his paw in a demand for silence and glanced at Doggett-Munk, "Are you expecting anybody?" 

"Just Mrs. Scully and the kid," Doggett-Munk replied. 

"They couldn't possibly have gotten here that fast," Scully spoke. "It takes a little while to get here." 

"Okay, Scully, you need to answer the door," Alvin said menacingly. "If it's the police, the military or the ASPCA you get rid of them. Anybody else ... bring them in. Got that? 

"Fine ... sure ... whatever ..." Scully replied and she went to the door. She threw it opened and was greeted by three familiar faces. 

"How ya doin, Scully?" Frohike shouted in greeting. 

"We're looking for Mulder," Langly chimed in. 

"By chance is he around, Agent Scully?" Byers asked. 

"Well ... yes he is ... sort of..." Scully stammered, all the while trying to signal frantically to the Lone Gunmen that there was something very wrong. 

"Uh ... Agent Scully ... is there any reason why you're making those flapping gestures?" Langly asked her. 

Meanwhile, Byers had pushed his way slightly into the foyer and was sniffing the air slightly. "Agent Scully, something smells just a little ...well, odd here," he commented. 

"Here, let me," Frohike pushed his way past Byers and Scully all the way into the foyer. "Hoo boy ... odd isn't the word. This place stinks!" 

He quickly made his way further into the house and into the living room, Scully, Byers and Langly right behind him. He stopped short at the sight before him ... countless numbers of little chipmunks ... four large, man-sized chipmunks and Monica Reyes (his eyes dwelt on her fondly for a moment). "Holy S-it!" he exclaimed. "When did Dogbert start running a zoo?" 

"Hey Frohike, what the hell are you doing here?" Mulder-Munk piped up. 

Frohike turned to the large chipmunk. "Wait a minute ... how do you know me?" he enquired suspiciously. "And how does a chipmunk know how to talk?" 

"Frohike ... it's me, Mulder," Mulder-Munk squeaked. 

"Nah ... it can't be!" Frohike shook his head in disbelief and turned to Scully. "Agent Scully, this can't be Mulder." 

Scully sighed, "It is indeed Agent Mulder, Frohike. If you don't believe me, take a look at his nose." 

Frohike, Byers and Langly subjected Mulder-Munk's prominent proboscis to examination. "My God, she's right," Byers exclaimed. "That is Mulder's nose." 

"And get a look at the ears on this one," Langly chortled. "Let me guess ... you're Dog-bert, right?" 

"Watch the ear-jokes, four-eyes," Doggett-Munk replied with a snarl, baring his newly-acquired buck teeth. 

"And this here is the Skin-man ... I mean, Assistant Director Skinner," Monica chirped helpfully, pointing to Skinner-Munk who had taken this opportunity to munch on the last remaining poptart. 

"Okay ... that's three of you," Byers said, turning back to the fourth as yet unidentified (to him) chipmunk. "Who are you?" 

But Langly was staring at the large chipmunk with an expression of reverent awe. "Hey, I know you, man," he said worshipfully. "You're Alvin. You used to make records and had a TV show ..." 

Alvin favored Langly with a large chipmunk grin. "That's right," he chortled with pleasure. "So you remember me?" 

"Oh man, you were so cool!" Langly gushed. "I never missed your show. I used to love how you'd stand out from those two suck-ups, Simon and Theodore. And when you used to sass old Dave Seville back ... man, you were the original musical rebel. The proto-punk. You ... man, you were my role model!" 

"Awww ..." to the amazement of all, Alvin actually blushed. "You don't have to say that ..." 

"Man, I MEAN it!" Langly exclaimed, his eyes growing misty with emotion. "And with all that you were still such an artist. Your music ... it MOVED me! Without Alvin and the Chipmunks there never would have been the Ramones." 

"The Ramones?" Alvin's interest was piqued. "You dig the Ramones? Man, so do I .. how do you feel about MC5 and the New York Dolls?" 

"Aw, you're talkin' my language ..." Langly replied, coming close to Alvin, who put a friendly paw and arm around his shoulders as they continued their discussion about the early punk music scene while Doggett-Munk and Mulder-Munk explained to Frohike and Byers what was going on. Monica placed a call to Sydney Omarr to cancel her appointment and Scully raised her eyes and hands to heaven in a gesture of supplication and moaned for the umpteenth time, "This is not happening!" 

* * *

**PART 23**

En route to the Doggett house ... 

Brad Follmer guided the Corvette to the Falls Church Exit, taking the turn much too quickly, causing Maggie Scully to fall against him. To steady herself her hand slipped into his lap. "Wow, sweet-cheeks, you handle those curves like a pro," Maggie exclaimed with delight. 

"Well, I know we're in a hurry to get to Doggett's house," Follmer explained, noting with satisfaction that her hand had landed just where he thought it would ... and she was in no hurry to remove it. "Besides, I know you have a need for speed." 

"Well, speed is great ...at the right moments," Maggie purred, using her fingers expertly. "Then again, there are times when I love a man with a slow hand, if you know what I mean." 

"Uhmmmm... hmmmmmm!" Brad sighed. 

"Oh crap, will you guys knock it off," Meepmork piped up fretfully. "I'm back here starving to death while you guys are playing touchy-feeley with each other. Just get me to Red's Nugs and then you two can bang yourselves into cardiac arrest." 

Maggie quickly removed her hand and shot Meepmork an evil look. "This is the last time I'm going get stuck looking after you, you little terror," she growled. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah ... promises, promises," Meepmork snarled back. "Listen, spending all this time with you hasn't been a pleasure for me either, Toots. I like it a lot better when Red dumps me on the whale singer and the flatfoot. Especially the whale singer ... I love reading her mind. All those dirty thoughts ..." 

"If you don't shut up ..." Maggie began. 

"So all of a sudden he just started talking today," Brad asked, trying to keep things calm in the car ... at least until he could drop the brat off with his mother so he and Maggie could head to Embassy Suites to finish what they started. 

"Yes ... totally out of the blue," Maggie explained. "And he told me that Dana isn't his his mother and Fox isn't his real father. Something about Dana incubating him." 

"Has he ever acted strangely before, Sugar Lips?" Brad enquired. 

"Well ... I never said anything ... but almost from the start he was able to levitate things and make them fly through the air," Maggie whispered sheepishly. 

"Books ... tables ... chairs ... me ..." 

"Snooky oookums, why didn't you say something to me before?" Brad demanded, shocked at her revelation. "You could have been hurt!" 

"I wasn't sure you'd believe me, Beefcake," Maggie said, batting her eyes at him and allowing them to fill with tears. "And I thought it was something he'd grow out of ... you know." 

"But if he's telling the truth he may never grow out of it," Brad remonstrated. 

"I mean, we have no idea what kind of people may have produced this baby so this could just be the start of him doing strange things. Maggie, you can't let Dana dump him on you anymore." 

"But Bradsie-Wadsie," she whispered softly, dabbing at her eyes with her hankie (all the while thinking, "Damn right she won't, but I love when you get all protective on me,"). 

"No buts!" Brad said sharply. "We are going to take this little imp back to Dana and tell her that he is HER problem, not YOURS!" 

"If you don't step on the gas and get me to Red toot sweet I'm gonna be YOUR problem, 'Bwadsie Wadsie'," Meepmork lisped. "If you both don't shut your flappin' yaps and we're not there in 15 minutes you're gonna have one hell of a cleaning job in this fancy car of yours!" 

Cursing softly, Brad turned into the hoity-toity Falls Church subdivision wherein lay the Doggett residence ... and his and Maggie's deliverance. 

* * *

**PART 24**

The noise inside the Doggett house was practically deafening (and with four large chipmunks as well as hundreds of smaller chipmunks inside the smell was definitely revolting!). All the little chipmunks were chittering and chattering away as Alvin-Zyblor and Langly tried to conduct Doggett-Munk, Skinner-Munk and Mulder-Munk in a version of the Ramones' classic "Rockaway Beach." 

Monica stood to one side, clapping and smiling her encouragement as Byers' came over to her side. "You can't tell me you're really enjoying this," he asked her. 

Monica turned to him and smiled cheerily, "Oh, it's not that bad," she said breezily. "It sounds a lot better than Tantric chanting accompanied by a zither. Besides, all musicians need some encouragement." 

"Uh ... Agent Reyes, these aren't exactly musicians," Byers pointed out. "These are three FBI agents turned into mutant chipmunks by a large and dangerous mutant chipmunk." 

"I know that," Monica replied. "But ... how can I explain this to someone as stiff and regimented as you ... this is just another of life's wonderful experiences. Something that the cosmic forces have sent our way and we must accept it ... even embrace it ... as part of the Universe's great and mysterious plan ..." 

"Uh ... right!" Byers droned, rolling his eyes. 

Meanwhile, Frohike had joined the dejected Scully on the sofa, "Hey, cheer up Agent Scully." 

"Frohike, my partner, my ex-partner and my boss are standing over there looking like walking-bucktoothed furballs and screeching an old punk song, led by a giant chipmunk who dreams of world domination and I just found out that the child I carried in my womb for 13 months is not the child of my partner and the man of my dreams but of the chipmunk and another alien. And I found out that I'm going to have to breast-feed him and change his diapers for another 10 to 12 years," Scully moaned dolefully. "Just what do I have to be cheerful about?" 

Frohike gave her a seductive grin. "Well, I'm still here," he said in his best lady-killer voice. "Y'know, everybody in here really is busy .. what do you say we go upstairs to the bedroom and I give you a little physical comforting ... if you get my drift," he winked and placed his hand on her thigh. 

Scully slowly looked down at the hand on her thigh and then looked back at Frohike, her blue eyes ice-cold. When she spoke it was with a tone that literally dripped ice. "If you don't get your hand out of there I'm going to break your arm and kick your ass!" 

The men-munks stopped singing and Mulder-Munk trotted over, his large nose quivering with indignation, "Frohike, were you hitting on my woman?" 

Frohike jumped up from the sofa, "Hey, Mulder ... you know how it is," he stammered. "I was just flirting a bit ... like I always do." 

Scully also jumped up from the sofa and stood next to Mulder-Munk, looking up at him with dewy eyes. "Oh Mulder ... you called me your woman." 

"Of course you're my woman," Mulder replied. "You've always been my woman. You're my touchstone, Scully." 

"And you're mine," Scully sighed, burying her little red head in his furry chest. "Oh Mulder, if you weren't so damn furry I'd kiss you!" 

Monica had moved over to Doggett-Munk's side, her eyes wet with tears, "Oh John, isn't that beautiful," she asked. "Even through all of this, their love is still strong!" 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Doggett-Munk replied, shifting uneasily. 

"Oh John, couldn't we ..." Monica began, looking at him hopefully but she was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. 

"I'll get it," Doggett-Munk chirped with relief and scampered to the front door. 

No sooner had he turned the doorknob then the door crashed open and in charged Maggie and Brad, Meepmork in Maggie's arms. "Where is she," Maggie screamed. "Where is my daughter?" 

"Over here, Mom," Scully called. 

Maggie fairly raced to where Scully was standing, completely oblivious to anything around her in her haste to get the little terror back to his mother's arms. "Here, take him fast!" Maggie panted. "Your little brat belongs with you!" 

"Mom! How can you call William that," Scully exclaimed, grabbing Meepmork as he fairly leaped into her arms and began tearing away at the buttons on her blouse. "William ... wait ... what ..." she cried as he ripped the blouse away with his little hands and began working at the opening of her nursing bra. "Mom, what happened ...what's going on?" 

"I have had enough of that little monster of yours," Maggie exclaimed. "He is a holy terror and you are never going to dump him on me again!" 

"Mom, how can you say things like that," Scully cried as she struggled with little Meepmork who by now had gotten the nursing bra open and had fastened his little lips on her breast, making huge, smacking, sucking sounds. 

"God, I wish I was that kid!" Frohike muttered, watching with open envy. 

"There now, sweetie, it's okay," Scully soothed as Meepmork continued to pull frantically at the breast. Suddenly he pulled back, looked up into her face and gave a frustrated scream. 

"Damn it! You're empty," Meepmork cried. "The only thing you ever do for me is feed me and now you can't even do that! Zyblor needs sustenance." 

"Cover your nuts! Cover your nuts!" Skinner-Munk, Doggett-Munk, Mulder-Munk and all the other little chipmunks shrieked. 

"SILENCE!" commanded Alvin-Zyblor. And then the room went deathly still. 

Every human, chipmunk and mutant in the room turned their eyes to Alvin-Zyblor. Little Meepmork gave one final pull at Scully's dry breast and then squirmed in her arms to turn to face Alvin-Zyblor. Slowly, the large, man-sized chipmunk moved towards mother and child (okay, woman and mutant). He paused for a moment, surveying the child who looked straight at him with the blank-faced innocence of babyhood. "This ... this is ... William?" he asked, slowly. 

Scully's arms tightened around the innocent-looking cherub in her arms. "Yes," she said slowly. 

Alvin inched a little closer, close enough to peer into the baby's eyes and then looked back to Scully, "Are you sure?" 

"Of course she's sure ... she's his mother," Doggett-Munk replied, starting to move closer, until Monica laid a hand on his paw. 

"Mind your own frickin' business, flatfoot!" William/Meepmork screamed. "Damn, you are the biggest buttinsky I ever saw in my life. The red-head with the dry nugs is NOT MY MOTHER!" 

"Now wait just a minute ..." Doggett-Munk interrupted. 

"Wait a minute, hell." Meepmork shrilled. "You've been in my face ever since the day I was born ... saying you're trying to protect me. Hell you don't care about me ... you've just got the hots for Red here!" 

Alvin's eyes brimmed with tears. "It's true," he whispered ... and then he shouted. "It's true ...you're MY SON!" 

Meepmork looked him up and down, "Say what, Furball?" 

"You're mine!" Alvin answered, grinning a huge chipmunk grin. "You're my little boy." 

"Prove it, Rat-face," Meepmork spat. 

"You are the child of three creatures ... an Orkian, a human and ... of course ... best of all a mutant chipmunk." Alvin told him. "You have two fathers ...Mork from the planet Ork. And a mutant chipmunk named Zyblor ... known to most of the world as Alvin the Singing Chipmunk." 

Meepmork's little lip began to quiver. His own eyes filled with tears. "You are ... you are ... MY DADDY!" 

"No ... you can't have him," Scully screamed, holding Meepmork tighter. "He's MY BABY!" 

"Back off you dried up milch cow!" Meepmork screamed, biting Scully on the left breast. Scully screamed and loosened her hold, giving Meepmork the chance to leap into Alvin's arms, all the while crying, "Daddy ... oh Daddy!" 

Alvin held the baby close to his protective chest fur. "I know, son," he choked. "I thought I might never see you. But I have you now." 

"Awwww!" cried the chipmunks, Lone Gunmen, Men-Munks and Monica Reyes. 

"THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!" screeched Scully. 

* * *

**PART 25**

In the Doggett kitchen, Brad Follmer and Maggie Scully heard the collective sigh but were too wrapped up in giving each other a complete physical to care about what was going on in the living room. They figured it wasn't their problem anyway. 

Brad fumbled with the kitchen door, trying to figure out a way to bar it against the insanity in the living room. Finally satisfied that it was sufficiently barricaded he turned to face Maggie. 

"Maggie." 

"Brad." 

And then they were in each others arms. 

Brad might be smarmy, might be corrupt as all get out, but he had some redeeming qualities and he was showing all of them to Maggie. 

"Brad, of Brad." This in response to a soft trail of kisses Brad was lavishing on Maggie. 

"Maggie you are so beautiful," he mumbled in between kisses. 

Maggie sighed in appreciation. She couldn't help but think how much nicer it was with Brad then with her husband the "Captain," whose idea of foreplay was a brusque "Brace yourself Maggie." 

The caterwauling in the living room drowned out the moans and sighs coming from the kitchen. The two participants bounced off various edges and surfaces and finally Brad pinned Maggie against the refrigerator and got down to brass tacks. He'd discovered the daring little ensemble that Maggie had picked up from Victorias Secret and properly showed his appreciation. Maggie showed her appreciation of his appreciation. Indeed she was voicing her appreciation, somewhere about C above high C when the barricaded door gave way and Scully burst into the kitchen. 

"MOTHER!!!!!!" Oh my God, is that a hickey?" 

* * *

**PART 26**

Meanwhile, a dry voice was heard in the foyer, "Well, it seems we have stumbled on a family reunion." Preceded by a cloud of smoke from his cheap-ass ciggies (hey, he hasn't worked for awhile so he can't afford Morleys), CSM entered the room. 

"Who let you in here, you black-lunged b &stard," Mulder-Munk shrilled, moving quickly to Scully's side as she rubbed her bitten breast. 

"Agent Doggett should learn to shut his door," CSM replied smoothly, taking in the situation. "Ah, Alvin ... it seems I have finally found you." 

Alvin began to snarl, "No ... not you! I thought you were dead!" 

"Rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated." CSM replied smoothly. 

"Damn, he's tougher to kill than a c*ckroach!" Skinner-Munk muttered. 

"Really, Alvin, I don't think you will want to kill me when you see who I have brought with me," CSM oozed. "Diana, will you bring in our guest?" 

Diana Fowley emerged from the foyer with a rather stocky man with curly hair, ruddy face, large nose and blue eyes. The moment Alvin saw them his eyes went wide with shock. "You ... both of you!" 

The man's eyes grew misty, "Alvin ... you're really here." 

Meanwhile, Mulder-Munk's jaw dropped at the sight of Diana Fowley. "Diana ... but ... you are supposed to be dead!" 

Fowley gave the large, furry chipmunk a quick once-over. "And just who in the hell are you?" she demanded. 

"Diana, it's me. Fox Mulder," Mulder-Munk squeaked. 

"Oh right ... tell me another," she replied contemptuously. 

"Diana ... honest ... it's me," Mulder-Munk tried to explain. "This Alvin ... or Zyblor ... or whatever ..." 

"Cover your nuts!" all the men-munks and chipmunks squealed. 

"... one of his chipmunks bit me right on 'Little Big Fox'," Mulder-Munk continued. "And something from the bite turned me into a mutant chipmunk." 

Diana Fowley looked at him coolly, "And I'm supposed to believe that tale." 

CSM looked Mulder-Munk over very coolly. "Actually, Agent Fowley, I do believe he's telling the truth," he replied. "Besides, look at the nose." 

Fowley took a step closer and once she got a gander at the schnozz she was more than halfway convinced, "Well ..." 

"Diana, who else knew about the private nickname you had for my pleasure tool," Mulder-Munk enquired. "You gave it that name during our stay at the Indian Reservation. Remember, your nickname was Princess Bodacious Ta-Tas. You had me tied down in the tipi and you were wearing your buckskin outfit with the golden studs ..." 

Diana's eyes grew misty. "It really is you, Fox," she cried, rushing to him and taking his furry paws into her hands. 

Assessing the situation, Monica Reyes could easily see that a bond between Diana Fowley and Mulder-Munk was about to resume. So she did the only thing a sympathetic, empathetic, New Age buttinsky could do ... she ran into the kitchen to tell Scully what was going on. 

"Dana, you'd better get out to the living room," Monica cried as she burst through the kitchen door. "Some b!tch named Diana is putting the .... OH MY GOD!!!!!!" 

Monica was brought up short at the sight of her former lover Brad Follmer and Maggie Scully in a state of complete undress. 

"Did you say Diana?" Scully demanded. 

"Uh ... yeah ..." Monica stammered, turning her attention from the utterly unashamed couple to her friend. "Someone named Diana Fowley is out there." 

"That God-damned b!tch is supposed to be dead," Scully screamed. "Mother ... Assistant Director ... I'm not through with the two of you yet but I have other things to take care of. Get out of my way, Monica!" 

Scully stormed out of the kitchen leaving Monica gaping at Brad and Maggie. Brad raised one eyebrow sardonically. "Hello, Monica." 

Scully burst through the doorway and into the living room, making her way straight to where Fowley and Mulder-Munk stood, hands in paws with each other. "You get your hands off of Mulder right now, you double-crossing witch!" 

Diana Fowley turned to view the red-haired termagant bearing down on her, hair flying, eyes blazing, and bare-breasted since in all the excitement she still hadn't re-buttoned her blouse. "Well Agent Scully, if this is a battle of the boobs I'm certainly prepared to take you on," she laughed maniacally. Quickly she untied her trench coat and dropped it to stand in all her glory ... nekkid Fowley! 

* * *

**PART 27**

Meanwhile in the kitchen Monica stood in the middle of room surveying the scene. Brad and Maggie were in a state of undress that she just couldn't comprehend. 

"Brad," she whined in a breathy voice. Her mouth opened and closed rapidly and her eyes were popping. 

Brad sighed disgustedly, he and Maggie had been about to reach a new high. "Oh for God's sake Monica, shut your mouth. You look like a damn grouper trolling for lunch." 

Monica continued to open and close her mouth, truly looking like a big fish, but she did look around the kitchen. Clothes, some Brad's, some apparently Maggie's were draped around the room, her gaze came to rest on what appeared to be Brad's silk boxers draped haphazardly across a box of Pop-Tarts. They looked like a pair she had given him. 

"Brad how could you?" Her breathy whine had turned petulant. 

Maggie shifted against Brad and raised an eyebrow. He smiled almost shyly and dropped a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth. Then he turned his gaze back to Monica. 

"Oh grow up Monica. You're such a little girl. I prefer mature women of passion." He punctuated his statement by kissing Maggie passionately while she reciprocated by raking his back with her nails. 

"Brad," Monica wailed. 

Brad parted from Maggie lips with a smacking sound and growled "Not now Monica, we're busy." 

Monica continued with the grouper mouth and then her eyes popped even further out as she studied Maggie, "Mrs. Scully, you've got a HICKEY." 

Maggie ran her fingers through Brad's hair and said, "Damn straight you silly bimbo." 

* * *

**PART 28**

Back in the living room, the bare-breasted redhead and the nude brunette faced each other, surrounded by an eager audience. 

All of the little male chipmunks sighed "Oooooooohhhhh!" which led all of the little female chipmunks to kick them in the nuts. 

Scully and Fowley stood straight, shoulders back, chests out. 

Byers was hyperventilating as a bug-eyed Langley tried to loosen his much-too-tight tie. "Hey, Frohike, come help me with Byers," he shouted. 

All Frohike could do was stare at the display of female pulchritude before him, his eyes glazed and desirous drool streaming from his parted lips. 

Scully inched closer to Fowley, pushing her chest out even farther. 

Doggett-Munk turned to Mulder-Munk and said, "Damn, you mean to tell me you had both of them?" 

"Sure did," Mulder-Munk replied with a lascivious chipmunky grin. 

Skinner-Munk gave the ladies a glance and nonchalantly "foufed" his tail, "Yeah, and I've got to admit they each have their advantages." 

"Wait a minute ..." Mulder-Munk turned to Skinner-Munk in shock, "Are you telling me that you've screwed Diana too?" 

Skinner-Munk gave Mulder-Munk a superior smirk, "Of course I did," he replied. "It was about seven years ago ... Scully was missing and you were messing around with that vampire chick. Diana and I hooked up at one of those team-building seminars and we did a little extracurricular team building." 

Fowley smirked at Skinner-Munk's words and pushed her ba-zoooms out even farther, causing Little Meepmork to cast covetous glances at her ample milk-making equipment from the shelter of Alvin-Zyblor's arms. 

However, Alvin (let's go with just the one name ... two is getting to be a real pain to type) only had eyes for the man who had entered and was now standing next to CSM. "You!" he hissed. "I can't believe that you would dare to appear before Zyblor like this." 

"Cover your nuts!" the chipmunks and men-munks squealed. 

"Why does everyone here seem to have such a preoccupation with their genitalia," CSM murmured as he lit up another cigarette. 

"Alvin, I can't believe it," the man with the curly hair and blue eyes said in a voice choked with emotion. "I thought you were dead." 

"You mean you hoped I was dead," Alvin snapped back, his chipmunky nose quivering with outrage. "After you deserted us ... deserted the project. And now you dare to come back here." 

"Alvin, you have to believe me," the man choked out, his lips quivering and his eyes filling with tears. "I didn't know ... and when you disappeared and the Man here told me you were gone forever what was I supposed to do? If I had only known ..." 

"Wait a minute," Doggett-Munk interrupted, his eyes suddenly gleaming with realization as his investigator's brain clicked in. "I know who you are ... you're ... you're ..." he paused for a moment and shook his head "Damn ... it's right on the tip of my tongue." 

"Mrs. Doubtfire?" Mulder-Munk piped up hopefully. 

"No .. it's that actor fella who played Mrs. Doubtfire," Doggett-Munk replied giving Mulder-Munk a look of contempt. "What's his name again ... Robin Williams!" 

"Bb ...bbb...uttt," Scully spoke in quivering voice "According to Alvin, Robin Williams is really ...." 

"MORK FROM ORK!" shouted everyone. 

Alvin glared harshly at Mork. "Yes, this is Mork," Alvin growled. "He deserted the project and abandoned us for a life of leisure and big bucks." 

"Alvin, that's not the way it was!" Mork pleaded. "You have to listen to me ..." 

"Why should I listen to a miserable son-of-an-Orkian-b!tch who sold me out, sold out our life's work and" here Alvin choked for a moment. "... And abandoned our son!" 

* * *

**PART 29**

Meanwhile in the pleasure pit, uhm I mean kitchen. . . 

Monica was still standing in the middle of the room, still looking like a grouper trolling for lunch (perhaps even more so as now her hands were flapping in an approximation of fins) 

"Monica, you silly little bimbo, can't you see that we are, uhm, somewhat occupied here." Brad's tone was definitely not pleasant. He was, in truth, seriouisly p*ssed at Monica's continued intrusion. He and Maggie were really in synch here and he did not appreciate the interruption. 

Maggie didn't appreciate it either, "Brad. . ." she pouted, "Can't you order her to leave or something? We were just starting to really have fun." 

"I know we were pookems. I know." He sighed, and then extricated himself from Maggie's embrace, dropping his hands below his waist as he turned to deal with the Monica problem. 

Maggie took the opportunity to open the cabinet next to the refrigerator. Her eyes widened and a huge grin spread over her face. 

"Brad, get rid of her, quickly, I believe there is a hot tub out in back and look at all this. . .JELLO." 

* * *

**PART 30**

In the living room a deathly silence followed Alvin's words. All eyes went to Mork to see his reaction (well, except for Meepmork who was still fixated on Diana Fowley's mammary glands; and CSM, who began to glance around the room as if trying to figure out the best possible escape route). Mork's eyes went even wider, his lips began to quiver. "What do you mean ... our son?" he asked. 

"You heard me ... our son!" Alvin replied. "You know that they were working on experiments to create the perfect hybrid to prepare for colonization." 

"Alvin, those experiments were stopped years ago, just before you disappeared." Mork tried to explain. "My people realized they LIKED the people here and could get a lot farther if they just co-mingled with the human race. It was much more fun and a lot less dangerous than attempting colonization and invasion." 

"Just a minute," Mulder-munk interrupted. "Are you telling me that there is no danger of an invasion in 2012?" 

"Of course not," Mork replied. "My people have been mixing into the fabric of the human race for almost 30 years now. They LIKE it here. And they like humans. You're all so fun-loving ... so gullible. We don't want to take over the planet. We want all of you to go on just as you've been doing." 

"But we were led on to believe that an invasion was coming," Scully exclaimed. 

"Mulder was told ... and there were all those clues." 

"And the hybrid experiments continued, too," Alvin chimed in. "I should know." 

Mork shook his head sadly. "Everyone involved in the project knew about this ... they knew that the Orkians no longer posed any kind of a threat. Hell, there was this great big party that lasted for almost a week where they celebrated ... the Orkians and the government officials. Who told you that the aliens were still planning to invade?" 

CSM judged that this would be the perfect moment to sneakily slip away and quickly made his way to the kitchen in hopes of slipping out the back door. Moving with amazing speed for a man of his age and respiratory condition, he quickly moved through the kitchen door ... and ran right into Monica Reyes. 

"Can't you watch where you're going?" Monica coughed as the full force of the man's cheap cigarette breath hit her squarely in the face. 

"Well, I didn't expect anybody to be in here, Agent Reyes," CSM tried to explain and then he caught sight of Brad and Maggie, still locked together on the kitchen table. One eyebrow shot up quizzically as he observed them, "Why, Mrs. Scully, how nice to see you again," he said unctuously. "And Assistant Director Follmer ...what a pleasure." 

"Are you nuts?" Monica screamed at him. "Don't you see anything strange here?" 

"Why yes, I believe I do, Agent Reyes," CSM replied, smoke wafting from his lips. "I do believe that Mrs. Scully has a hickey." 

"You know ... this place is getting busier than Grand Central Station!" Follmer muttered. 

"Sweet Cheeks, can you PLEASE get rid of them," Maggie pleaded, batting her eyes at Brad appealingly. "Remember ... the Jell-O." 

"I know, Babykins," Brad soothed, punctuating his words with soft touches of his lips to hers. "I want that too. Just be a little patient!" 

Again the kitchen door swung open and Doggett-Munk stormed in, his gun in his paw. "Oh no you don't!" he exclaimed, grabbing CSM by the arm. "You're not getting away so easily. You've got some explaining to do." 

"There's no need to be so rough," CSM murmured. "I simply came out here for a quiet smoke." 

"Yeah, right, and I'm J. Edgar Hoover," Doggett-Munk replied contemptuously, tightening his hold and turning to Monica. "Hey Monica ...what's your problem? You look like a wide-mouthed bass!" 

"Actually, I thought she looked more like a grouper," Follmer muttered. 

Doggett-Munk shrugged, "Whatever ... hey listen Monica, you'd better come out to the living room. That Robin Williams ... or Mork .. whatever is out there and he's tellin' us one hell of a story. The kind that'll really blow the air up your skirt!" 

Monica gave Brad and Maggie a last sad look. "You're absolutely right, John," she told him, squaring her shoulders. "Besides, I'm sure the air is much better in there than it is in here." 

"With all those chipmunks in there ... you've gotta be nuts!" Doggett-Munk replied. 

Monica quickly walked out through the kitchen door, her head held high and proud until she tripped on the molding (serves her right for wearing those stiletto heels). Doggett-Munk quickly turned CSM around and propelled him towards the door, gun at his back, "Okay you smokin' son-of-a-b!tch, you get back out there." 

As Doggett-Munk left, his sense of politeness kicked in and he turned for one last look at Maggie and Brad. "Oh, by the way, Mrs. Scully ..." 

"Yes Agent Doggett?" 

"Nice hickey you got there, ma'am," and with that Doggett-Munk returned to the living room. 

Brad and Maggie sighed and together exclaimed "Alone at last!" 

Monica Reyes entered the living room, with Doggett-Munk and CSM following along behind. "Well there you are, Agent Reyes," Byers commented. "We were wondering what happened to you." 

"Agent Reyes, are you all right," Skinner-Munk squeaked. "You're as pale as a ghost, and your mouth is hanging open like a hungry piranha's." 

"Actually, I thought she was looking more like my Molly-fish," Mulder-Munk commented. 

"I think she looks more like a big-mouthed bass, but what the hell," Doggett-Munk chimed in. 

"Will you all just shut up about my open mouth," Monica screeched. 

"Looks like someone really had her celestial calm shaken up," Scully said smugly. 

"Oh, piss off you red-headed cow!" Monica spat back, having finally been pushed to her breaking point. 

"Would you both shut your freakin' yaps," Doggett-Munk roared, shoving CSM into the center of the room. "I caught him trying to leave through the kitchen." 

"Really, Agent Doggett, I was simply going for a private smoke," CSM tried to explain. "I know that no one else in here smokes and I didn't want to offend." 

"Hey, I know I'll believe anything but if you think I'll believe that you're nuts!" Mulder-Munk squeaked. "You've never worried about offending anyone with your smoking since I've known you." 

"Yes, but it's different now." CSM soothed. "I didn't want to smoke in front of the dear, innocent little cherub," motioning towards the adorable little infant in Alvin's arms. 

"You miserable b@astard!" Alvin growled angrily. "You are the one who told me that plans for the invasion were still being made." 

"Wait, HE told you!!!" Mork exclaimed "CGB knew all about the change in plans. Hell, he and the well manicured Brit Twit co-hosted the celebration party." 

"He not only told me, he engineered the birth of our son," Alvin roared. 

"You keep talking about our son," Mork said turning back to Alvin. "I have no idea what you're talking about." 

"You remember that they were conducting experiments, trying to come up with an Orkian hybrid, don't you?" Alvin asked. 

"Well yes, of course I do." Mork replied. "That's how we met, Alvin." Mork's eyes misted at the memories. "That's where our relationship started. It was a wonderful time you and me ... laughing, playing ... loving ..." 

"Awwwwwww!" everyone in the room ... chipmunks, men-munks, humans all joined in the chorus. 

"Yes .. it was a special time for me, too." Alvin recalled, his own little chipmunk face gone suddenly tender. "And all throughout that time they collected DNA from both of us to try to create the perfect hybrid." 

"But Alvin, that was years and years ago," Mork protested. "As far as I know, there was never any luck in producing a hybrid." 

"Oh yes .. there was luck all right!" Alvin said. "After much effort, they were finally able to produce a hybrid ... a child born of yours and my DNA." Alvin paused for a moment and slowly moved close to Mork, holding out little Meepmork towards the tall Orkian. "Mork ... this is ... Meepmork. Our son!" 

There was silence in the living room as all eyes went to Mork to see his reaction. Even the little chipmunks had stopped their chattering and were silently watching the scene. 

Mork moved in closer and looked first into little Meepmork's eyes and then into Alvin's. He shook his head sadly, "Alvin, you know it's impossible that this could be our son," he said softly. "Yes, he has your chubby little cheeks and his hair has that curious, almost white stripe down the middle. But given our respective DNAs he just looks far too human to be ours. Besides, he's too young looking. Even if he were born right after we separated he would look much older. Orkian children are born fully mature and they youthen, remember?" 

"Mork, he's not just ours," Alvin softly explained. "Meepmork has human DNA ... from his mother." 

"His mother?" Mork repeated. 

"Yes ... the human DNA ensured that he would be born an infant and would mature ... although he would mature very slowly," Alvin replied. "Once he was created, he was placed in the womb of his human mother until it came time for him to be born." 

"That's right," Scully exclaimed, moving towards the trio. "I am Meepm- ... I mean, I am William's mother. And if you think I'm going to let some overgrown rodent and a perverted comedian who dresses up like a woman get near my baby, you'd better think again." 

Scully stretched out her arms and reached for little Meepmork, trying to take him out of Alvin's grasp. "There, my sweet little William," she cooed. "Come to Mommy." 

Meepmork smiled sweetly and stretched out his little arms to Scully, then when she got close enough that her face was level with hers he drew his arm back, clenched it into a fist and ... POW!!, landing a perfectly placed uppercut right on her little chin that knocked her to the floor. "You keep your hands off of me, you dried up cow!" he hollered. 

Alvin laughed uproariously, "That's my boy!" 

"That kid's got a deadly right hook," Skinner-Munk commented as he nibbled a forgotten nut that had fallen to the floor. 

Diana Fowley let out a triumphant laugh, "Hey, way to go kid!" 

Monica couldn't help but giggle at seeing Scully knocked on her round little butt (serves her right!) but then she realized that this reaction was not at all in keeping with her compassionate and spiritual image so she made her face serious, "William, that is no way to treat your Mommy." 

Mulder-Munk helped Scully off the floor, "Hey Scully, are you okay?" he asked. 

"Oh, I'm just peachy," she replied sarcastically as she stood up and rubbed her chin while Mulder-Munk rubbed her aching butt (sporting a chipmunky grin all the while). She turned to Alvin and Meepmork, "William ... I'm your Mommy and I love you ... come to me." 

"I'm NOT William ... I DON'T love you and you are not my mother!" Meepmork cried. 

"But William, she IS your mother," Monica said soothingly. "I was there when you were born and I know she is your mother." 

"She IS NOT!" Meepmork screamed, kicking his little legs in his fury. "You may have been there when I came out, you New Age fruitcake, but you weren't there when I was put in! That red-headed frigid midget is not and never was my mother ... she was just a walking incubator and sometime milk producer." 

"How can you say that!" Scully screamed back. "I carried you for 13 months. I've been feeding you and changing you and loving you since you were born ..." 

"Now Agent Scully, don't scream at him," Mork declared, suddenly taking on a protective stance. "You know how babies can be ..." suddenly he paused and realized what was happening. "Oh my God!" he whispered. "He's talking ... the baby is ... talking." 

Alvin nodded. "You see, Mork," he whispered. "You see? What human baby could talk and behave like this?" 

Mork's eyes filled with tears and he rushed over to Alvin, throwing his arms around the chipmunk and child, "Oh my God!" he sobbed. "It's true ... he is ... our son!" 

Alvin began to sob as well, "I always hoped you'd find out somehow," he cried, his tears falling on Mork's chest. "And now you know ... that we have a child." 

Mork stepped back and looked first into Alvin's eyes, "It's the truth we knew all along," he whispered, and then he drew the Alvin and Meepmork close and tenderly kissed Alvin right on his chipmunk lips. 

The silence in the room was nearly reverent as all gathered watched the newly reunited family ... mutant chipmunk, mutant Orkian and their baby. 

Doggett-Munk reached up to wipe a small tear that dripped from his eyes onto his furry cheek. Seeing it, Monica let out a little cooing sound and took his paw into her hand, squeezing it slightly. He managed a faint chipmunky smile back at her. 

Skinner-Munk stopped his hunt for something edible, sniffed audibly and wiped his glasses. 

Byers, Langly and Frohike put their arms around each other and watched the scene with faintly sappy smiles (although Frohike still snuck a few surreptitious glances at Scully and Fowley's still-bare cleavage). 

CSM's hand was clenching and his thin, rubbery little lips were shaking as he fought to control his ... need for another cigarette. 

Mulder looked at the new little family, raised his hands and his eyes to heaven and whispered, "Thank you!" 

It was Scully who broke the silence. "Listen, I don't care if William has 15 fathers," she exclaimed. "He only has one mother and I'm it ... I mean, I'm her." 

Mork broke the embrace and turned to Scully, wiping the tears from his eyes. 

"Agent Scully, I understand how you feel," he began, "And of course, just because I'm here now and can be another father to," he paused and glanced at Alvin and Meepmork with total love, " .. to our son doesn't mean that you won't be a part of his life." 

"What do you mean, be a part of his life," Scully demanded in a screech that caused all of the chipmunks to wince. "He's my baby and you won't take him away from me." 

Suddenly Meepmork began to kick and scream, wailing at the top of his lungs. Mork quickly rushed to Alvin's side, "What it is, what's wrong?" he demanded. 

Alvin shook his head, "I don't know," he exclaimed worriedly. 

"What do you mean, you don't know ... he's your son!" Mork exclaimed frantically. 

"Well he's YOUR son, too!" Alvin roared back. "It's not like I've known him that much longer than you, y'know!" 

"Wahhhhhh!" Meepmork screamed. "I'm hungry! I'm hungry! I'M HUNGRY!" 

Mork quickly turned to Scully, "Agent Scully, your baby is hungry," he exclaimed, "Feed him." 

"I ... I ..." Scully stammered. 

"I'm not her kid! She's not my mother and she CAN'T FEED ME!" Meepmork cried, landing Alvin a giant kick on the chin with his left foot. "I'M HUNGRY!" 

"OH MY GOD!!!!!" the shriek that came from Diana Fowley shattered the glass in the picture frames on the mantel, to say nothing of damn near breaking everybody's eardrums. 

All eyes turned to Diana who was standing, arms outstretched with a panicked look on her face. White fluid was dribbling from her breasts. "Oh my God," she repeated. "I'm leaking!!!" 

"Awww, bust a silicone implant, dear?" Scully asked solicitously. 

"That's not silicone," CSM said quietly. 

All of a sudden, Meepmork made a flying leap and landed squarely in Fowley's outstretched arms. Utterly shocked, her arms wrapped around him and drew him close. His mouth quickly found her breast and his little lips fastened on the nipple. His smacking, sucking, sounds as he drank. 

"I'll be damned," Mulder-Munk exclaimed, "That's breast milk." 

"But how is that possible?" asked Monica. "Women don't automatically pump out breast milk." 

Meepmork let go of the breast for a moment and turned with a look of contempt, milk dribbling down his little chin. "God, you all belong on the Dumb-Ass Show," he exclaimed. Then he turned back to Fowley and gazed up into her face with a look of sheer greedy pleasure, "Mommy!" he exclaimed and once again attacked her breast. 

"WHAT!!!!!" everyone exclaimed. 

CSM nodded sadly, "Yes ... Diana Fowley is Meepmork's mother." 

"I'll be damned," exclaimed Skinner-Munk. 

"This is damn weird!" shouted Doggett-Munk. 

"Yesssssss!" exclaimed Mulder-Munk. 

"Noooooo! This is NOT HAPPENING!" shrieked Scully. 

* * *

**PART 31**

Meepmork paused in his suckling and turned towards Scully with a look of utter contempt "Listen Red, you'd better shut the hell up, all that racket is irritating my digestion," he snapped. "The last thing you want is for me to get an after-dinner case of gas!" 

Scully stopped screaming and sniffled a little at this threat and slumped down onto the sofa. Doggett-Munk left his place beside Monica to sit down beside Scully and put a protective arm around her shoulder. "It's gonna be okay, Agent Scully," he soothed. 

Meanwhile Mulder-Munk confronted CSM angrily. "Okay, you black-tar-lunged b@stard. You'd better start explaining right now." 

"I suppose now that you know this much you might as well know the whole story," CSM sighed. He took a seat in the armchair and all the little chipmunks gathered around and settled in to hear this latest story. "Well, as you know from Alvin and Mork here, plus you know from your investigation that we were attempting to create a perfect hybrid. It's an experiment that had been going on for years." 

"Aw, come on CGB, you know that there was no reason to continue the experiments," Mork exclaimed. "You were involved in the negotiations. Come to think of it, you and that Brit Twit were the ONLY ones involved." 

"Well, you see, that's true," CSM continued. "And to be honest, we never told the rest of the Syndicate that the threat of invasion and colonization had been removed. We talked about it and decided that it was better to act as if the threat from your people was still very real, Mork." 

"Better for who?" Monica asked, after giving a jealous look to Scully who was still in Doggett-Munk's protective embrace. 

"Better for us, of course," CSM replied. "We had a good thing going. We had power with governments around the world. Influence beyond our wildest dreams. And think about it ... with no threats of alien invasion whole industries could crumble. Defense contractors ... movie and television producers and studios ... toy manufacturers ... science fiction publishers. We kept silent for the sake of humanity, you see." 

"Well I can barely ... just barely ... understand about the silence," Mulder-Munk commented. "But what about these hybrid experiments?" 

CSM shrugged, "If we were to continue the illusion we had to continue the experiments," he replied. "Besides, we had already come so far and I hated to leave the project incomplete. I wanted to see how it would all come out. So when we abducted Agent Scully we took her ova to use in the experiments. Sadly, the first attempts failed and shortly after that the remainder of her ova disappeared." CSM looked sternly at Mulder-Munk, who clasped his paws behind his back, looked about the room and whistled casually. 

"Okay, but how does Agent Fowley fit into this," Skinner-Munk asked after swallowing a stray sunflower seed shell that he had found on the floor. 

"Well, clearly we needed more ova," CSM replied. "And right around this time, Agent Fowley betrayed the cause by revealing the whereabouts of Agent Mulder to Agent Scully. Naturally this led me to question her commitment to the cause so I offered her a choice. We could stage her death so that she could go underground and be a part of these experiments, after which we would let her go since she would have proved her loyalty ... or we could kill her. For her it was an easy choice. So she joined us and we harvested her ova and began to use it in our experiments. Eventually, we met with success when we matched it with the donations from Alvin and Mork." 

By this time Meepmork had finally finished his meal and was resting in Fowley's arms with a blissfully sated expression on his face. Fowley looked over at CSM and her eyes narrowed angrily, "Just a minute, Spender," she exclaimed. "You told me that you were using sperm you got from Fox in the experiments. The idea was that he and I would create a child." 

CSM shrugged, "I lied." 

"Why you rotten, miserable son-of-a-b!tch rat b@stard," she shouted. She quickly passed Meepmork back to Alvin and strode towards him, her fist clenched. "You lied to me!" 

"I don't know why you're surprised, Diana, he lies to everyone," Mulder-Munk replied. "Oh, and he's not the rat b@stard ... that's Krycek. Old Smoky here is the black-lunged son-of-a-b!tch." 

"Now Diana, my dear, it wasn't entirely a lie," CSM said soothingly. "We did indeed try to create a baby using the samples we got from Mulder but there were ... complications." 

"What kind of complications," Fowley demanded. 

"To put it kindly, the sperm count in Mulder's semen was too low to permit fertilization of your ova," CSM replied. 

"Aww, quit beatin' around the bush, you old smokestack," Meepmork piped up. "Say it straight ... tall, dark and big-nosed shoots blanks." 

CSM glared at the infant, "Excuse me, young man, but I think it's time someone taught you some manners." 

"Bite me!" Meepmork snarled back. 

"Now just a minute," Mulder-Munk exclaimed. "There's no way you can tell me that you couldn't get a baby out of my samples." 

"Agent Mulder, believe me we tried," CSM replied sadly. "Don't you think that my first wish would have been to continue the family line?" 

"That's a crock ... I'm as good a man as anyone in this room," Mulder-Munk squeaked. "Isn't that right, Diana?" 

Fowley bit her lip and looked around the room, "Uhmmm ... well ..." 

"Scully?" Mulder-Munk turned to her hopefully. 

"Well, Mulder ..." Scully said hesitantly, "We WERE only together once and ... well ... you weren't exactly the 60 minute man." 

"He's more like Speedy Gonzales," Fowley chimed in. 

"Well, how good Mulder is or how long he lasts isn't the point," CSM said, trying to steer the conversation back. "The point is that the little swimmers just weren't swimming. And we certainly didn't want to waste Agent Fowley's ova, so we used it with the samples from Alvin and Mork. And thus we created Meepmork. Dr. Parenti, who was a part of the team involved in these experiments, transplanted Meepmork into Agent Scully. That was the easiest part of the whole thing, since Agent Scully was actively seeking to become pregnant." 

"But why?" Scully exclaimed. "Why couldn't Agent Fowley deliver William?" 

"For Christ's sake, it's MEEPMORK," Meepy screamed. 

Fowley gave Scully a look of withering scorn, "You have GOT to be kidding," she laughed. "Me, Special Agent Diana Fowley go through a pregnancy. Get big and fat and waddle when I walk? Get bad skin, swollen ankles and varicose veins? No way, sweetie. I wasn't going to spoil this perfect body with carrying around some munchkin inside me for 13 months." 

"It seemed the perfect solution," CSM explained. "I actually thought I was doing you a favor, Agent Scully. You wanted a baby so much, so this was a way for me to give you what you wanted. Of course, I had no idea at the time that all of this would come out." He sighed dolefully, "Once again, it's all gone to hell!" 

"AWWWWWWW!" sighed the chipmunks. 

"Okay, let me get this straight," Doggett-Munk exclaimed, trying to sum up the situation. "There is no longer a threat of invasion, so everything that Alvin has been up to means absolutely nothing. He's a loner ... a renegade mutant chipmunk." 

"That is correct, Agent Doggett," CSM replied as he lit up another cigarette. 

"The Orkian race is perfectly content to leave the humans in place and periodically join us here to enjoy our strange ways and our world. You would be surprised to know how many aliens now walk among us and have become a part of our lives and our culture." 

"Hmmm ... what do you wanna bet that Michael Jackson is an alien," Skinner-Munk declared. 

"Aw, that's a safe bet," Mulder-Munk replied. "Personally, I think that Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are aliens." 

"Oh, and Dennis Rodman ... he's got to be an alien," Skinner-Munk continued. 

"And George W. Bush is probably an alien, too," Reyes contributed, earning a withering look from Doggett-Munk. 

"Nahhh ... he has an established human pedigree," Doggett-Munk told her. "But I'll bet the Osbournes are aliens!" 

"I'm afraid I will neither confirm nor deny your guesses," CSM told all of them. 

"Let's just say that aliens are here among us." 

Alvin hung his head as the realization of the collapse of his dreams overtook him, "It's over," he moaned. "All of my dreams and plans ... all of my work ... all for nothing. My life has been totally wasted. My purpose destroyed." 

Little Meepmork let out a huge burp and then put his little arms around the giant chipmunk's neck. "Awww, cheer up Pops!" he piped. "How can your life be totally wasted ... you made me!" 

Mork moved closer to Alvin and put his arm around his shoulder. "Our son is right, Alvin," he said tenderly. "Your work produced the greatest result of all ... our little boy." 

Alvin sniffled and raised his head back up, so all could see the tears brimming in his big brown eyes. "That's true," he snuffled. "But ... but what happens now?" 

"I'll tell you what happens," Mork declared. "You and our son are coming home to Hollywood with me. Now that I know you're alive, Alvin, I could never let you go again." 

"Really?" Alvin sniffled hopefully. 

"Oh Alvin, don't you know that I've loved you all these years," Mork declared, the tears again starting to fall from his blue eyes. "It broke my heart when we were separated and if that old smokestack over there hadn't told me you were dead I would have looked everywhere for you. I've always needed you, Alvin. You made me a whole person. You are my touchstone, Alvin." 

"And you are mine," Alvin sobbed, collapsing into Mork's embrace. 

"Aren't they sweet?" Monica exclaimed, sympathetic tears coming into her eyes. 

"Sickeningly so," Diana Fowley replied watching the scene with utter contempt in her eyes. "If this keeps up I'm gonna puke!" 

Caught between Alvin's and Mork's embrace, Meepmork let out a yell and began to kick, "Damn it! Let me out of here!" 

Mork and Alvin separated and Meepmork gulped a big breath of air. "Whew, that's better," he exclaimed. "Now listen, I think it's great that you make each other whole and you're each others touchstones and all, but before you guys start making it here in the living room, I wanna know what you're gonna do about me?" 

* * *

**PART 32**

Meanwhile back in Brad and Maggie's Pleasure Palace, a.k.a. The Kitchen: 

Maggie and Brad sighed with relief when the Smokey and the Whale Singing Bimbette finally left them in peace. They fell into each other's arms and proceeded to mutually investigate each other's tonsils. When they finally came up for air, Brad cleared his throat and asked, "Uhm Maggie, what were you saying about jello. . .and a hot tub?" 

Maggie favored him with a seductive smile and untangled herself from Brad's arms. Turning around she opened the freezer door and rummaged around inside. "Ahh, yes this will do nicely." She held up a bottle of Stolichnaya. "Hmmm, what's this?" She plucked at a tag tied around the neck of the bottle with red ribbon and read out loud, "Doggy boy, you really do need to loosen up, Marry Christmas 1998," Raising an eyebrow and showing where her daughter had gotten the move Maggie commented, "I gather he didn't take the advice, the bottle's never been opened. Oh well that's more for us." She giggled seductively. "OK, Brad, go check out the hot tub and make sure it's usable, I'll whip up a little something here. Oh you'd better cover up a little, don't want the neighbors getting too much of a free show." She plucked the black silk boxers from where they had landed on the Pop Tarts and threw them at Brad. "Besides, we wouldn't want anything important to get a chill." 

Brad pulled on the boxers and dropping a quick kiss on Maggie then headed to the back door. For her part, Maggie filled the kettle and "put it on the hob," rummaged around in cabinets until she found a package of little Dixie cups and then turned her attention to contemplating all the lovely jello. "Hmmm orange, lime, black cherry, raspberry, which to use. . ." 

* * *

**PART 33**

"What do you mean, what about you?" Mork asked. "I already said that I want you and Alvin to come and live with me. You are our son ... we'll raise you with love and understanding." 

"Uh ...yeah, that sounds just peachy but let's get real here," Meepmork scowled. "Love and understanding are just great but what about practical things like diapers, clothes, toys," 

"I'm a rich man, Meepmork," Mork replied. "People from all over the world come to see my movies and my stand-up concerts. I'm paid obscene amounts of money to entertain humans. I can buy you everything you need." 

"Uh ... what about food?" Meepmork asked him. "Remember, I'm not gonna be eating that solid stuff for about 12 years or so. And you and Alvin aren't equipped to give me what I need." 

"Well, there are always bottles," Alvin told him. "You can't think we'll let you starve." 

"Bottles, are you out of your frickin' mind!" Meepmork yelled. "If you think these tender, baby-soft lips are gonna wrap themselves around a rubber nipple to suck up some bottled cow juice or soy crap you can think again. I'm goin' first class ... breast milk all the way!" 

"But Meepmork, sweetheart, I don't know what else we can do," Mork said soothingly. "Unless ..." 

"Unless you get my real mom with the big, full tits to come along with us," Meepmork finished. "I want her and if you want me you're gonna get her for me!" 

"Wait a minute, I have something to say about this," Scully exclaimed. "William is still my baby and I have certain rights." 

"Just what rights do you think you have Red?" Meepmork snarled. "I'm not your biological kid ... you've never been much of a mom anyway always, dumping me on the old lady or on Big Ears and the New Age fruitcake over there," he exclaimed, gesturing to Doggett-Munk and to Monica. 

"If someone calls me a New Age fruitcake one more time I swear I'm going to zap an Inca curse on them," Monica muttered. 

"And now, you can't even feed me," Meepmork continued. "No, the one I want is my REAL mom." With that Meepmork turned his sweet little face to Diana Fowley. "Hey Toots, come on over here." 

"Where do you come off calling me, Toots, you loud-mouthed brat?" Fowley demanded. "You damn well better ask me politely if you want me to come over." 

"Agent Fowley, you shouldn't talk to the boy like that," Mork remonstrated. 

"Yes, he's just a baby," Alvin agreed, hugging Meepmork protectively. "You need to treat him with love." 

"Oh brother!" Meepmork exclaimed, rolling his eyes. "Look here, I'm not gonna lie to you, Mom..." 

"He's calling someone else Mom," Scully moaned, burying her face in her hands. 

"Will you shut up, Red," Meepmork spat out, then turned back to Fowley. "I definitely want you around with those big, full tits ... I mean they're the best meal producer around these parts. But I like you, too. You're smart ... you passed the buck on all the hard stuff on getting me here on to somebody else. But now you can be around for the easy stuff ... living a life of luxury with Daddy Crossdresser and Daddy Chipmunk while feeding and looking out for me." 

Fowley's face wore a surprised look. "You like me?" she asked. 

"Sure ... what's not to like!" Meepmork grinned. "You're pretty good lookin', you're smart, you've got a big mouth and a mean streak a mile wide. You got big tits that'll pump milk for me for years and it's pretty good tasting stuff, too." 

Diana Fowley's face softened just a little and her eyes began to sparkle, "Why Meepmork, I think that's about the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me." 

"Besides, the 'munk and the Orker are such sappy, sentimental slobs," Meepmork continued. "They're gonna kill me with all this sweetness and light crap. Are you really gonna send me off with them? With all this ooey, gooey, shippy, lovey-dovey stuff? How do you think I'll turn out living with nothing but that?" 

"Well ... " Fowley drawled, thinking it over carefully and getting a mental picture of Mork and Alvin hugging, kissing, doting and spoiling little Meepmork. 

Everyone in the room could see she was weakening so Meepmork pressed his advantage. "Come on, Mom, you owe me," he chided. "Don't condemn me to a house with nothing but love and kindness and niceness and ..." 

"Stop! Not another word!" Fowley exclaimed. "You're right ...I can't let a child of mine be raised that way. I have to be there to protect you from all of that sweetness and light. I have to keep that flame of viciousness and evil alive in you." 

"You mean ..." Alvin exclaimed hopefully. 

"I mean that you're not taking Meepmork anywhere unless I go too," Diana Fowley replied. "You give that little misbegotten devil to me right now." 

Meepmork gave a little jump and landed in Fowley's outstretched arms, giving her a sock on the chin, "Aw ...Mom!" he chortled. 

Fowley promptly turned him over and gave him a sharp smack on the butt, then turned him back and hugged him,"That's my little mean-mouthed b@stard," she exclaimed proudly. 

Mork took Alvin's paw and they went to stand with Fowley and Meepmork, "I guess that's it," he exclaimed, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Our family is complete." 

"The four of us," Alvin sighed happily. "Mom, Dads and Meepmork ... the Zyblor family!" 

"COVER YOUR NUTS!" squealed the men-munks and the chipmunks, as they bent over to protect their individual family jewels. 

* * *

**PART 34**

Meanwhile, oblivious to the chaos in the other room, Maggie hummed as she rummaged around in cupboards and drawers. She found an apron, still wrapped in tissue and obviously never used. She shook it out and laughed out loud as she read it, "Quiche and fondue the chef." No, she thought, Doggett the dogged would never wear something like that. With a grin she put on the apron laughing to herself as contemplated what Dana would say. "Oh to hell with Dana she thought." 

The kettle came to a boil and as she stirred boiling water into lime jello she let her mind go. All her life she'd done what had been expected. Married a dreadfully dull Naval officer. Produced 4 children, and Oy, what children. Bill, as pigheaded as he was dull, Melissa, what a flake, Dana, almost as pigheaded as Bill, but much brighter, then Charlie. Ah, Charlie, he was so different from the other three. Charlie was the only one who understood her and her needs. Yes, she figured she'd stay in touch with Charlie. 

The jello was dissolved and she added the vodka and poured the mixture into the waiting Dixie cups. Wouldn't a lot of people surprised at Maggie Scully making jello shots. She giggled like a young girl. The cups went into the freezer. 

Yes, she would stay in touch with Charlie. After all, Charlie was her conduit to the art world. He and that devastatingly handsome partner of his were quite the collectors. She was under no illusion that Brad could stay with the FBI, indeed she figured that the sooner they cleared out, the better. Ah well, the villa in the South of France was waiting. Her smile broadened, yes those little investments of hers had paid off nicely. Who'd have thought that Maggie Scully had a knack for investing. That money she had saved put into the unknown stock. Yes Microsoft had paid off nicely. And selling those Enron shares just before they crashed had been sheer brilliance. She'd even beat Ken Lay on the sell off. The thought made her giggle again. Oh yes, they were set. She and Brad would wing off toe the South of France where a "woman of a certain age" with a younger man was not frowned upon. 

True, there had been a time when she had considered that Fox Mulder might be her younger man. She'd had her eye on him for a long time. Indeed, when she thought that Dana was dead, she'd been ready to make her move. But it seemed that Fox really did love Dana and then the little minx had shown up alive. Oh well, Brad would do nicely. Not as well endowed to be sure, but definitely no slouch between the sheets and he wasn't bad looking. A little smarmy, but she'd deal with that. Yes, life was looking pretty darn good. She looked up as Brad approached, "Snookums?" 

"Hot tub ready dearest?" 

"Ready and waiting." Brad's appreciative look was a definite turn on. 

"Let me just get the "refreshments."" She arranged the Dixie cubs in a roasting pan she'd found and surrounded them with ice cubes. Giggling like teenagers, Maggie and Brad headed for the hot tub. 

* * *

**PART 35**

"I think this is just so sweet," Monica cooed delightedly as she looked at the new family unit. "It's such a happy ending. Can't you just feel the karmically cosmic good vibes that are surrounding us." 

"Oh, would you put a sock in it," Scully groaned. "It may be a happy ending for the chipmunk over there, and the alien. Not to mention the Queen B!tch of the Cosmos." 

"That's Queen B!tch Goddess of the Cosmos, you red-headed frigid midget," Diana Fowley shot back. 

"You tell 'er, Ma!" Meepmork squealed in devilish infant glee, raising his little hand to give his newly found mother a high-five. 

Mulder-Munk moved to where Scully was sitting, slumped in defeat on the couch and knelt in front of her. He took her hands into his big furry paws and held them in a comforting clasp. "Scully, listen to me. It's a happy ending for us, too." 

"Wha ... what do you mean, Mulder," Scully asked, looking into his big hazel eyes hopefully. "How is it a happy ending?" 

"Well ... we now have our proof that aliens and other paranormal beings DO exist," Mulder told her enthusiastically. "That means they can never shut the X-Files down. And since there's no longer any danger to humanity from these aliens we don't have to worry about invasions or being shut down or being in danger anymore." 

"That's true," Scully sniffed. 

"And we can do it without having to worry about the kid," Mulder-Munk exclaimed, his paws tightening their clasp on her hands. "Just think ... it'll be like the old days. Just you and me. No crying ...no diaper changes ... no breast feeding. You won't be tied down anymore." 

"Mulder is right," Doggett-Munk chimed in. "You know how hard it's been for you to adjust to being a mother. You love being in the thick of things and that kid just held you back. Now you won't have to worry about him. And you know that he's safe and is going to a good home." 

"Darn tootin,' flatfoot!" Meepmork piped up. "A hell of a lot better home than that two-bedroom closet she called an apartment." 

"Agent Scully, I think you can see that little ... uh ... William .." 

"MEEPMORK!!!!!!" shouted Alvin, Mork, Fowley and Meepmork in unison. 

"Whatever ..." Doggett-Munk continued. "You can see that the kid is going to be just fine. And God knows you'll be a lot better off." 

"To say nothing of your mother and me," Monica joined in. "We'll finally be relieved of being emergency babysitters." 

"Best of all, Scully, we'll be together," Mulder-Munk continued, his hazel eyes meeting Scully's tear-soaked blue ones. "Just you and me ... we can finally have that life we always wanted but never dared to dream of." 

"Oh, Mulder," Scully sighed. "If only that were true." 

"It is, Scully ... there's nothing stopping us now," Mulder-Munk exclaimed, a worried frown crossing his face. 

"Mulder, in case you haven't noticed, we're not exactly compatible," Scully told him gently. 

"You mean because I'm a tall, dark, handsome, obsessed, compulsive, sexually-repressed porno-loving, authority-defying, intellectual genius who believes in all things extraterrestrial, extra-normal, supernatural and fantastic while you are a short, frigid, attractive, intellectually brilliant, uptight, upright, by-the-book, Catholic skeptic?" Mulder-Munk asked. 

"No, I mean because I'm a red-blooded human female and you are an extra-large mutant chipmunk with a horny streak," Scully replied bluntly. "It's not exactly a match made in heaven, you know. Or even in Jose Chung's science fiction novels." 

Mulder-Munk shook his head, "Aw Scully, ever the skeptic," he chuckled fondly. "Haven't you learned anything yet ... never give up on a miracle." 

Skinner-Munk gave up looking for something more to eat and faced Alvin. "You seem to have everything you wanted, Alvin," he said sternly. "But you haven't said anything about what happens to us? Agent Mulder, Agent Doggett and me ... we've done nothing to you and yet you've turned us into these mutants." 

"Yeah, I know," Alvin commented smugly. "Did a damn fine job on the three of you, too." 

"Yes, but is it really fair?" Monica chimed in. "I know you suffered for many years, but now you have your son and your ... well... Orkian. Is it really fair to make John, Mulder and A.D. Skinner suffer as well? Surely there must be some way for them to ... de-mutate?" 

"I'm so sorry, Agent Reyes," Mork said sadly, his eyes again beginning to water (have you ever noticed that Robin Williams can cry on command?). "But as far as I know there is no way to change the effects of the mutant chipmunk bite." 

"Well ... there is a theory," Alvin said hesitantly. "But it's never been tested." 

"You mean the exchange of fluids?" CSM enquired as he stamped out the butt of his 18th cigarette of the hour. 

"I see you've heard of it," Alvin nodded. "I should have figured you would have heard that." 

"Of course I did," CSM replied. "But as you pointed out, it's never been tested so it's just a theory." 

"Well, it's never been tested on the chipmunk/human mutation," Alvin told him. "However, we did have considerable success with the fly/spider mutation and the frog/squid mutations ...although the frog did somehow retain a third leg." 

"Then there is a way," Doggett-Munk exclaimed. 

"Well, yes ... in theory ..." Alvin began. "But I don't know ..." 

Monica ran to Alvin and clasped her hand in front of herself in a pleading gesture. "Please, oh great Zyblor ..." 

**"COVER YOUR NUTS!!!!!"**

"I understand your pain, and your desire for revenge. But I also sense that you have great depths of love and compassion within you," Monica continued. "The love that helped you create the miracle that is your child." 

"Is she for real?" Mork whispered to Doggett-Munk. 

"Listen, you've only had to deal with it for a couple hours," Doggett-Munk whispered back. "I've been listening to her for nine years!" 

"Listen to that voice of love and compassion that is within you," Monica pleaded. "Give in to the spirit of friendship and amity that moves you." 

"Aw, Pop will ya shut her up!?" Meepmork cried. "Tell her about the bite and sex cure so we can get this over with and get home!" 

Alvin looked at his child with astonishment, "How can you possibly know about that?" he cried. 

Meepmork looked at him smugly, "I just knew," he chirped. 

"Wait a minute ... the bite and sex cure?" Mulder-Munk asked. 

"It's very simple," Alvin explained. "You became infected with the mutant genetic material by a bite to your ..." 

"We know where we were bitten," Doggett-Munk exclaimed, grimacing at the memory. 

"To reverse the effects, it is necessary for you to be bitten in the same spot by a human female," Alvin told him. "Followed by one complete act of sexual intercourse. The exchange of fluids will counteract the mutant gene." 

"You have got to be kidding!" Scully exclaimed. "A bite on the genitals and a roll in the hay will cure them?" 

"Well, it's never been tried on the chipmunk/human cross-breed," CSM struck in as he lit up another cigarette. "But apparently Alvin has seen it work on other species." 

Doggett-Munk shook his head in disbelief, "I don't believe this 

crap!" he shouted. "Come on, you were going to create a race of mutants that could be changed back by making it with a dame? How could you think that would succeed?" 

"Agent Doggett, think about it," Alvin replied. "How many women are going to be willing to have sex with a giant chipmunk, much less bite him where it counts." 

Doggett-Munk paused to allow Alvin's words to sink in. "I guess you're right," he admitted. "Those three nutcases over there ..." (gesturing to the Lone Gunmen who were crowded around a window watching something with considerable fascination) "...would have more luck scoring with a dame than we would." 

"Precisely," Alvin replied. "That's why I felt it was safe that no one would ever discover how to counteract the effects of the mutation." 

"Well then it's simple," Mork exclaimed with a huge grin. "All the three of you need to do is find a woman to bite you on your one-eyed water-snakes and have sex with you and you'll be returned to normal." 

"Hah! Like those three were ever normal," Meepmork laughed. 

"Okay, Meepy, that's enough," Fowley said sternly. "After all, they can't help it that they're strange." 

"Excuse me," Skinner-Munk said politely. "I need to make a phone call." Stepping into the hallway, Skinner-Munk pulled out his cell phone and punched in the numbers. "Hello, Kim? I need you to do something for me. There's a black book in my lower desk drawer with the letter W on it. I want you to call everyone that's in that book and ask them to meet me at Agent Doggett's house as soon as possible. Yes, that's right ... all of them. At Agent Doggett's. Very good, Kim. After that you can go home and enjoy the rest of your weekend. I'll see you Monday." 

Meanwhile, Mulder-Munk turned to Scully. "Scully, I know this may seem strange," he told her. "And I know this isn't exactly how we would have liked to have our second time, but ..." 

"I know Mulder," Scully whispered, gently touching his chubby, furry cheek. "But we have to try. It's our only hope." 

Mulder-Munk smiled tenderly at Scully, taking her hand into his paw. "Agent Doggett, do you mind if we use your bedroom?" 

"Nope, but use the spare room, okay?" Doggett-Munk replied. 

"Sure, buddy," Mulder-Munk replied. "Come on, Scully. Let's go chart some unfamiliar territory," and together they went up the stairs. 

Monica went to Doggett-Munk and looked up at him hopefully. "John ..." 

"Now come on, Monica," Doggett-Munk said uncomfortably. "I couldn't ask you to ..." 

"You're not asking me, John." Monica told him, capturing his paw with one hand while with the other she reached up to brush away a stray nutshell that had been clinging to the corner of his mouth all night. "I want to do this ... for you. Please let me." 

"Well, it's not like I'm asking you to pull the plug on me or something like that, I guess." Doggett-Munk shrugged. "Okay, what have we got to lose? Let's go upstairs." 

Monica practically skipped her way up the stairs, Doggett-Munk following behind her. 

"So what do we do now," Fowley asked in the now quiet room. 

"Wait to see what happens, I suppose," CSM replied, idly wandering over to the window where the Lone Gunmen were standing. He took a glance out the window and then did a double-take, his jaw practically dropping. "Oh my!" 

"Yeah, pretty hot stuff!" Frohike replied, his eyes fixed on the scene outside. 

"What ARE you talking about," Alvin enquired irritably. 

"You've got to come and see this," Langly said, turning his head. "I mean, I never would have thought to see something like that." 

Alvin, Fowley, Mork and Meepmork joined the gang at the window and within moments were watching in complete and utter fascination. 

"Is that really physically possible?" Mork asked. 

"Hey, give the old girl credit," Fowley commented appreciatively "If I were ever going to get that old I'd hope I'd have that kind of energy. Of course, I won't since I'm an eternal 19." 

"I'd hate to have been hanging by my you-know-what since you were 19," Alvin muttered. 

Meanwhile, Meepmork let out a low whistle, "Guess I can't blame Toots for wanting to get rid of me if she had THAT planned," he snickered, then kicked Byers in the head. "Move over, I want a better view!" 

* * *

**PART 36**

It was a really nice hot tub. The fact that it apparently not been used much, if at all, made both Maggie and Brad laugh. Maggie set the pan of "refreshments" on the edge of the tub while Brad once again divested himself of the black silk boxers. Oblivious to not only the farcical chaos in the house, but also to another pair of eyes watching them, they stepped into the tub. Their lips and tongues met in a frenetic wrestling match as they sank into the warm bubbling water. 

Next door, a curtain twitched and a voice bellowed, "Mavis get down here." 

In the hot tub something else was twitching, and it wasn't curtains. Maggie wrapped an arm around Brad's neck while her other hand disappeared under the water, south of the border, as it where. Oh yeah, things were definitely twitching there. 

For his part, Brad encircled her wait (and a very neat waist it was, Maggie has long been a devotee of yoga and keeping herself in tip top shape) with his arms, pulling her closer. 

Maggie had done bit of, well a lot of reading on exotic subjects and she was determined to put her reading to use. But first, she reached for a Dixie cup and offered it to Brad. He reciprocated. Then with arms entwined they slurped down their first shots and then once again their tongues sought each other. 

Maggie nuzzled and nibbled up Brad's jaw until she could whisper in his ear. Brad's eyes widened and a wicked grin spread on his face. Giggling and splashing abounded and the various watchers were astounded attempting to sort out the limbs and finding it impossible to fathom which arm or leg belonged to which. Soon rhythmic waves lapping at the edges of the tub. 

At the neighbor's window two pairs of eyes widened, "Bea what on earth are they up to there." 

"Kama Sutra. Amazing, that position is possible with bouyancy of the water. Hmmmm." 

Inside Doggett's house Frohike's mouth dropped open. "She's even hotter than Red." 

Meepy, having displaced Byers for a better view, whistled and said, "Whoa Toots, you go granny." 

The waves continued and indeed were building in intensity. 

Mavis and Bea watched in awe, both considering that perhaps it was too late for them. 

In the hot tub the sound of splashing was joined by an almost unearthly howling from the two participants, the volume rising in a rapturous crescendo that could be heard on the second floor where various couplings were also taking place. 

* * *

**PART 37**

Mulder-Munk and Scully entered the bedroom, hand in paw. It was a very masculine room, loaded with football, baseball and NASCAR memorabilia. Mounted on one wall was a gun collection and on the other, one buck's head and one doe's head. "Would 'ya look at that," Mulder-Munk commented as he glanced around. "Now who would have guessed Johnny boy was such a manly man?" 

"Oh, I think it was easy to tell," Scully answered with a smile as she went to the window to close the blinds. 

"Well he managed to bag himself at least one t'irty-point buck," Mulder-Munk replied as he moved to where the TV and VCR unit was sitting on the dresser, casually glancing through the tape collection. "Hey, he's been holding out on me," he said rifling through the tapes. 

"What do you mean?" Scully asked as she pulled the bedspread off the bed and turned down the covers. 

"Dig these titles ...'Up and Coming' with Marilyn Chambers and Long John Holmes, 'Backside to the Future' with Harry Reems," Mulder-Munk was going through the titles like a little kid at Christmas. "Old John-Boy's got himself some pretty high-class porn here." 

Scully removed her blouse and put a hand to the buttons on her pants, unbuttoning them and allowing them to slide down her legs. "Mulder ... if you need to watch any of those ...to get in the mood ..." she began as she bent down to pull down her panties. 

Scully felt a 'woosh' over her shoulder and heard the bed creak. When she stood up, she saw Mulder-Munk stretched out on the bed. He was grinning that chipmunk-grin that still had a touch of Mulder's frat-boy charm. "Now Scully ... I don't need to watch porn to get all hot and bothered. Not when there's a red-hot babe in the room." Mulder-Munk patted the empty space at his side on the bed. "Come on, Scully," he encouraged. "After all, we're doing it for science." 

Scully gave Mulder-Munk a shy, tremulous smile as she advanced to the bed and eased herself down beside him. She turned towards Mulder-Munk and then suddenly jumped, "What's that?" she asked sharply. 

"What's what?" Mulder-Munk asked, inwardly cursing the interruption. 

Scully sat up in the bed, "Ssshh ... listen!" 

Mulder-Munk sat up and tilted his head, straining to hear through his furry ears. The mixed howling of male and female in sheer animal ecstasy could be clearly heard. Mulder-Munk grinned at her, "Aw, Scully, it's just Doggett and Reyes," he laughed. "Remember, they're doing the same thing we're about to do." 

Scully listened as the howling grew even more frenzied, "My God," she exclaimed. "They sound almost indecent. Like animals!" 

"Hey, it sounds like they're having themselves one heck of a time," Mulder-Munk replied. "Although I never would have thought John-Boy would have been the vocal type." Mulder-Munk returned to his reclining position on the bed, "It definitely serves as some highly erotic aural stimulation, don't you think, Scully?" 

"I suppose so," Scully replied and she slowly laid back down and snuggled next to Mulder-Munk, his furry shoulder tickling her nose. Mulder-Munk reached over and brushed a stray hair off her forehead with his paw and then gave her a warm, wet, passionate forehead kiss. Scully sighed deeply and turned to switch off the bedside lamp and turn on the radio next to the bed. "Need a little lovemaking music, Scully?" Mulder-Munk asked. 

"Well, we don't want everyone in the house to hear us, do we?" Scully asked shyly. "It may be all right for Doggett and Reyes to make all that noise, but I've got a reputation as the Ice Queen to protect." 

"Heh! Heh!" Mulder-Munk chortled, his breath coming fast between his chipmunk teeth as he continued to lave Scully's white forehead with very wet, very sloppy, very slobbery kisses. Scully sighed in his arms, moving restlessly and then she pushed him off her. "Wha ... what's wrong now?" Mulder-Munk asked in astonishment. 

"Before we consummate there's something else we have to do," Scully told him. 

"Uh ... Scully ... you're barren and I'm sterile," Mulder-Munk reminded her. "I don't think we need a condom here." 

"I wasn't referring to a condom," Scully said rolling her eyes. "I was referring to 'the bite.'" 

In the heat of his horny man-munk passion Mulder-Munk had indeed forgotten about that important step. Thus reminded, his big eyes twinkled and he grinned away, rolling on to his back and spreading his legs wide. "Okay, woman," he motioned downward with his hand. "Go make Bob feel welcome!" 

Scully's head slid down towards its main objective and Mulder-Munk's eyes closed in anticipatory delight as the sounds of Pat Boone's "You Better Come Home Speedy Gonzales" filled the room. 

* * *

**PART 38**

Monica bounced into the master bedroom, dragging a somewhat hesitant Doggett-Munk behind her. They both stopped at the threshold of the room and surveyed the wreck that the chipmunks had left behind. Drawers had been pulled open and their contents scattered all over the floor. Pictures, miniature NASCARs, model airplanes, bowling trophies (you didn't know Doggett was a bowler, did you?) were overturned. Doggett's collection of Playboy magazines had been completely torn and, in some cases, used as "chipmunk litter." 

The bed was a total wreck ... pillows scattered haphazardly ... blankets, sheets all thrown on the floor and decidedly filthy (chipmunks are NOT noted for their sanitary habits). 

"Aw crap!" Doggett-Munk exclaimed. 

Monica stepped gingerly into the room; avoiding one of the deposits that one chipmunk had left behind. "There's plenty of that around here," she commented. 

Doggett-Munk followed her, his chipmunk nose twitching. "Monica, this place is a mess. How do you think we're gonna be able to do anything in here?" 

"Well, the bed's still in pretty good shape," Monica said as she gave it an inspection. "Apparently your little playmates were considerate enough not to leave any little surprises in here." 

"Monica, I think maybe we ought to wait on this," Doggett-Munk said hesitantly. 

"Wait for what?" Monica questioned as she gave the bed one last check, satisfying herself that it was ready for fun and games. "The longer we wait, the longer you remain an oversized chipmunk." 

"I know, but Monica, how can I ask you to do this?" Doggett-Munk asked her, his eyes filled with concern. "I mean ... it's not like I'm in normal shape." 

"I know, John," Monica said as she came forward and rested her hands on his shoulders. "And I know that this is going to be a completely new experience for both of us. But think about it ... we're getting the chance to try something that no one else has ever done before. I mean ... this has got to be one of the kinkiest sexual encounters I've ever had." 

"Whaddya mean, kinky?" Doggett-Munk asked, covering her hands with his paws. 

Monica smiled an impish, seductive smile. "Well John, I've done it in some exotic ways, but I've never done with an animal before," she giggled. "Well, not literally, I mean." 

They heard the loud cries of a man and woman in what could only be described as sexual ecstasy and looked at each other. "Wow," Monica exclaimed. "Listen to Dana. Sounds like Mulder is really rocking her world." 

"From the sound of that it seems like she's doing the same thing for Mulder," Doggett-Munk replied. "She must be one wild woman in the sack." 

Monica looked up at Doggett-Munk, her eyes half-closed and he could see a wild and feral glint in their depths. "Dana's not the only wild woman around here, John," she whispered sexily. "Let me show you what a New Age Tart can do for you." 

Monica's hands reached up and grasped each of Doggett-Munk's large, furry ears. She started with a slow, easy stroking that caused elicited a slight moan from her partner. Smiling evilly, she tickled him slightly behind his ears as she moved in to capture his mouth with hers. Doggett-Munk's arms wrapped around her, pulling her into his warm, furry middle and she was just beginning to deepen the kiss when there was a knock on the door. 

"Wha ... who is it," Doggett-Munk asked, breaking the kiss. 

"Doggett, it's Mulder," came the voice from the other side of the door. 

Doggett-Munk released Monica and went to the door, opening it a crack. "Mulder, what the hell do you want?" he asked irritably. 

"Listen, Doggett ... I need something to wear," Mulder replied. "When we changed over we lost our clothes." 

"Aw, sheesh, that's right," Doggett-Munk realized. Monica darted into the bathroom as he opened the door to admit Mulder. The tall agent strode into the bedroom, no longer a man-munk but in full human form ... complete from his mop of brown hair to his hazel eyes, large nose and full-mouthed smile. Doggett-Munk gave him a quick once-over. "Looks like the treatment worked." 

"Yep, it did," Mulder replied. "Totally painless and lots of fun. Beats the hell out of penicillin shots or blood transfusions. You got anything I can put on?" 

While Doggett-Munk rummaged around looking for some clean clothes, Mulder took a look in the mirror hanging on the bathroom door. He preened a bit and smirked into the mirror "Yep, you are one good-looking man," he murmured to himself. 

Doggett-Munk produced a FBI sweatshirt, sweatpants and a clean pair of socks and brought them over to Mulder, who accepted them gratefully. "Thanks, I appreciate this," he told Doggett-Munk, then looked the man-munk over with some puzzlement. "I guess for you guys it's going to take more than one shot to achieve the cure." 

"Whaddya mean?" Doggett-Munk asked. 

"Well, I heard you guys a few minutes ago and I figured you were finished," Mulder replied, pulling on the sweatpants. "That's why I came in here." 

"Heard us?" Doggett-Munk exclaimed. "We haven't even gotten started yet. Besides, we thought that was you and Scully." 

Mulder pulled the sweatshirt over his head, taking great care to ruffle his hair in the most becoming way possible. "Well, I don't mind telling you that Scully and I definitely explored the truth of all things in there, but that wasn't us. Guess it must have been Skinner." 

"Must have been," Doggett-Munk agreed. "Who would have thought that he'd be one to cut loose like that." 

"Anyway, thanks for the clothes," Mulder said, slapping Doggett-Munk on the back. "I'll get out of here and leave you and Monica to get down to it." 

"Thanks, buddy," Doggett-Munk gave Mulder a pat on the ass with his paw as he followed the agent to the door, closing it behind him. He heard the bathroom door open and then heard a Monica call softly, "Oh Jo-hh-nnn!" 

Doggett-Munk turned to see Monica standing beside the bed, completely naked, smiling and beckoning to him. "Uh ...Monica ..." 

Monica gestured to him, "Come on now, John," she purred. "Come to Monnie." 

Doggett-Munk advanced to where she stood and Monica slipped her arms around his furry waist. "Uh ...Monica .." he whispered, finding it difficult to speak as she began to nuzzle his furry chest and neck. "Mulder is just fine ... the ... uh ... this worked." 

"That's wonderful, John," Monica purred. "Now it's our turn." 

With a swift gesture, Monica pushed Doggett-Munk to the bed. He landed on his back and then she was on top of him. "Monica ... wait a minute ..." 

"Uh uh ...no more waiting," Monica murmured and once again that wild and feral gleam was in her eyes. As before, she began to run her hands up his neck, over his chubby, chipmunky cheeks and onto his ears. Her initial caress was feathery light, tender, eliciting a sigh from Doggett-Munk. Then gradually, her manipulations became fiercer, her fingers grasping and pulling. "Oh ....Monica!" Doggett-Munk breathed, his eyes half-closing and his breathing became labored. "Ohhh ... what are you doing to me?" 

"You like that?" she asked with an evil little grin. 

"Ooohhhh God yes!" Doggett-Munk groaned. 

Monica bent down so that her mouth was even with his left ear, her girlish breasts pressed tightly against his own warm, furry chest. "Then you're going to looo-vvv-e this," she breathed. She extended her tongue and ran it along the length of his left ear, causing Doggett-Munk to writhe in ecstasy. Then she took the entire ear into her mouth ... teasing, sucking and biting as she continued to manipulate his right ear with her hand. 

"That's it ... oohhh yeah Monica ... faster ... harder ...fast and hard ... yeahhhhh ..." Doggett-Munk groaned in sheer animal pleasure. 

Monica's hand and mouth continued to work, every stroke and caress eliciting further groans and even the occasional bleat from her animal lover. Then she stopped abruptly, and raised herself up to a sitting position, still straddling him. Doggett-Munk gasped in agonized frustration and his eyes shot open. "Why'd ya stop?" he grunted. 

Monica smiled evilly and her eyes gleamed with passion. "Because it's time I take this little journey a little further south," she purred. "And now, John ..." 

Monica's mouth opened, revealing her large white teeth ... she ran her red tongue over her lips to moisten them and she began to slide downward towards her main objective. Doggett-Munk stretched and closed his eyes, flinging his arms out to the side as she made contact. His hand hit the bedside alarm radio and instantly the room was filled with the sounds of Donna Summer groaning "Love to Love You Baby," a perfect accompaniment to the action taking place in the middle of the bed. 

* * *

**PART 39**

Meanwhile, back in the living room ... 

"You know, it really is a bit indecent for us to be watching them like this," Byers commented as the group in the living room continued to watch the action taking place in the hot tub. "They do deserve their privacy." 

"Hey, if they wanted privacy they should have gotten a hotel room," Diana Fowley replied. "And I don't see you moving away from the window." 

"Interesting technique from Mrs. Scully," CSM observed as he watched Brad and Maggie's latest gyrations. "Hmmm ... I had no idea that she was so ... athletic." 

"Maybe you should have called her up once or twice during the past nine years instead of paying for young girls," Fowley told him. "From what I can see it looks like she might have been able to teach you a few things." 

"My dear Diana, it is entirely possible that I could have taught Mrs. Scully a few things," CSM replied, mentally making a note to look up Maggie Scully's phone number in near future. "After all, Assistant Director Follmer may have youth on his side but I have experience." 

"HA! Even I can see that she'd rather swing with pretty boy out there than an old smokestack like you," Meepmork spat out at CSM. "I'm surprised a cancer-ridden old f@rt like you can still get it up!" 

CSM bit down on his cigarette so hard that he broke it in two and the lit end fell to the carpet. His fists clenched and he hissed, "Diana, you, the chipmunk and alien need to teach this little brat some manners." 

"Don't you dare call my son a little brat," Mork shouted defensively turning his attention from the window (Alvin, however, still chipmunk nose pressed firmly against the glass, steaming it with his hot, heavy breathing). 

"Besides, you're hardly an expert on child rearing," Fowley retorted. 

"Hey, can you guys shut up?" Langly shouted. "It's ... it's disrespectful. And I can't hear what Bad Brad and the red hot grandma are saying to each other." 

Frohike turned from the window and sidled up to Diana Fowley, "Uh ...listen Diana ... Mulder tells me that you were pretty hot stuff back in the days." 

Fowley preened a little, giving her hips a quick swivel and ensuring that her ample bosum was seen to its best possible advantage, "My darling Fox does not lie," she simpered. "I was the best damn lay he ever had ... and a damn sight better than he deserved." 

"Well listen chicky, watching those two out there has got to be turning you on as much as it's turning me on," Frohike soothed, slipping an arm around her waist. "So whaddya say we go slip away and do a little something about it?" 

Fowley shook free of Frohike and gave him a look of utter contempt, "What do you take me for ... a Monica Reyes or a Dana Scully?" she scowled. "I am Diana Fowley, Queen B!tch Goddess of the Cosmos ... and besides, I'm a mother." 

"Hey, I was just askin," Frohike shrugged and returned to his place at the window. Once he had safely moved away, CSM moved closer to Fowley and whispered, "My dear, may I suggest that you would present a more appropriate picture of maternity if you put some clothes back on?" 

* * *

**PART 40**

There was the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Skinner-Munk rose from the sofa where he had been sitting, munching on some stale saltines he had found in the kitchen, and joined CSM, Fowley, Alvin and Mork to see Mulder and Scully coming down the stairs. Mulder was bounding down in a state of total exuberance, grinning from ear to ear. Scully followed a bit more slowly and far from being exuberant she had a frown on her face that was practically a scowl. 

"Well, I see that the cure was a success," Alvin said smugly. 

"Yep, worked like a charm," Mulder replied, reaching behind him to pull Scully close and putting his arm around her. "Dr. Scully here had just the medicine that I needed, didn't' you Scully?" 

Scully said nothing but gave all gathered around a sarcastic smirk. Skinner-Munk looked up at the clock, "Excuse me for saying this, Mulder, but the two of you were only upstairs for a half-hour." 

"Yeah, who would have thought that we could get so much done in so short a time," Mulder replied, grinning. "We actually got the chance to make it twice." 

"Twice!" everybody exclaimed in surprise. 

"Twice," Scully repeated dully. "Plus we had time for Mulder to take a shower and for me to put clean sheets on the bed." 

Fowley nodded knowingly, "Let me guess," she said. "Fox is still quick on the trigger, right?" 

Scully's eyes met Fowley's and she saw a look of sympathy there. "You know, military guys have a term for a quickie ... they call it 'slam, bam, thank you ma'am ..." she began. 

"Believe me, honey, I've heard that term," Fowley replied. "I've known my share of military men ..." 

"Well with Mulder it was more 'Bam ... ma'am!" Scully scowled. 

"Now wait a minute ..." Mulder began, stung to the quick. "I thought the whole idea was to cure me ... to make me a whole man." 

"Well the first time that was the idea," Scully answered him, her voice shaking with frustration. "But when you came back for seconds I figured there might be something in it for me." 

Skinner-Munk moved over to CSM and whispered "Maybe you'd better have a talk with your son here and explain that when it comes to sex the winner is NOT the fastest man on the course." 

"Yes, I can see that a vital part of his education has been neglected," CSM whispered back. "I would have thought with all of the training films he's watched over the years ..." 

They were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. "I'll get it!" Mulder said gratefully, bounding quickly to the door. He opened it to find a group of very lovely women standing on the porch. 

"Excuse me, is this the Doggett residence," one of the women asked him eagerly. 

"Uh ... yes ... it is!" Mulder replied. 

"Wonderful!" the absolutely gorgeous woman exclaimed and she turned to her companions, "Girls! We're here!" 

The women quickly pushed forward and moved through the doorway and foyer into the living room. Skinner-Munk grinned a wide, chipmunk grin as soon as he saw them and waved to them, "Hello, girls! I see you found the place," 

"Oh, it was no problem finding the house," the spokeswoman said happily, "Kim's directions were perfect. And she explained everything to me over the phone ... I shared it with everyone that I could round up and here we are ... ready to do our part." 

"Uh, excuse me, sir?" Scully approached Skinner-Munk and touched him on his wrist. "Who are these women?" 

"Who are we!" the spokeswoman exclaimed. "We're Walter's Wenches!" 

* * *

**PART 41**

Mulder, Alvin, Mork and CSM were staring in open-mouthed admiration at the bevy of beauties. There were ten of them gathered in the Doggett living room, each one fair of face and with a perfect figure that caused Scully and Diana Fowley to turn slightly pea-green with envy. All of the women were dressed in the most flattering of togas, each in a color perfectly suited to her flawless skin and hair. Skinner-Munk progressed through the group, embracing each one of the lovely ladies with warm affection. Finally, Mulder found his tongue, "Wait a minute ...you're telling me you have 10 girlfriends?" 

"Oh, we're not his girlfriends," the spokeswoman replied. "Walter's Wenches are a very select sisterhood who gather to serve and honor this wonderful specimen of manhood. Unlike mere girlfriends we share a very special bond with Walter and with each other." 

"Perfectly said, TeeJay," Skinner-Munk replied, giving the vocal vixen another warm embrace that caused her to blush with delight. "And actually, Mulder, this isn't all of them." 

"Right you are," spoke up another Wench, this one a dark-haired beauty with laughing eyes. "It's a shame, too. There were only a handful of us in town today. If we had more notice we could have had three times as many." 

"Well, you may think it's a shame but I call it our good luck, Ta2Betty," piped up another beauty in a sultry Southern-accented voice. "It just means that we get more time with our Surly Pectoral God." 

"Now, Miss Poochespup, don't go calling me that around here ... you'll make me blush," Skinner-Munk drawled. "Anyway, since you didn't seem shocked by my appearance I assume that Kim told you everything." 

"Indeed she did," TeeJay replied. "And every Wench here is ready to do what it takes to effect the needed cure." 

"We sure are" "You can count on us," the Wenches chimed happily, each one beaming with excitement. 

"Wonderful, I knew I could count on my Wenches," Skinner-Munk said happily. 

"Okay, we probably need to get things started here. TeeJay, since you're one of my Head Wenches, would you like to join me first?" 

"There's nothing I'd like more, Sir," TeeJay replied. "But we discussed this on the way over and we felt that the honor of going first should go to one of our newest Wenches. She was scheduled for her appointment with you last month but sadly you had to cancel." 

"That's right," Skinner-Munk mused. "I did miss last month's session. That dammed replicant had me tied up ..." 

"Exactly," TeeJay said. "And the poor girl was heartbroken so we promised her that she could be the first Wench to enjoy your favors. Wench Mary, will you please come forward." 

A strikingly lovely woman with long reddish hair stepped forward almost shyly. Skinner-Munk gave her a warm, chipmunk grin. "Hello, Mary. I'm sorry we missed out last month. I've been looking forward to meeting you." 

Mary raised her expressive eyes to his and smiled warmly back at him, "I've been looking forward to this too," she answered. "I've been dreaming of my session with you for ...years!" 

TeeJay and Ta2Betty each stepped up to Mary and gave her a warm embrace. Ta2Betty leaned over and whispered in her ear, "May the Piece of Skinner be in you," to which Mary replied, "You betcha!" 

Skinner-Munk extended his paw to Mary who took it and followed him to the staircase. Together, hand-in-paw, they proceeded up the stairs and a few moments later all gathered below heard the bedroom door close. 

TeeJay turned to Ta2Betty and wiped away a stray tear, "It's always so special when a new Wench has her first session with His Surliness," she murmured. 

"I know," Ta2Betty replied giving her a fierce hug. "We've seen so many Wenches pass through this sacred initiation." 

"Well, enough sentiment," TeeJay said brightly, giving Ta2Betty's hand a squeeze and straightening her toga. "Now, didn't GoScully bring the Skinneritas?" 

* * *

**PART 42**

Meanwhile, in the bedroom, Mary had taken it upon herself to turn down the bedclothes and slowly slipped off her toga, revealing a perfectly lovely body. She slid into the bed and looked up expectantly. 

Skinner-Munk got into the bed beside her and gently traced the outline of her face with his paw. "Are you nervous, Mary?" he asked gently. 

"Maybe a little," Mary confessed. "It's not that I'm inexperienced you know ... it's just that I've dreamed so long about this." 

"I realize that this isn't exactly how you dreamed it would be," Skinner-Munk said seriously. "I'm not exactly in my best condition at the moment." 

"Oh, Sir," Mary sighed. "I don't notice the chubby cheeks, the fluffy tail, or all the body fur ... you're still you ... the Man that I've lusted for!" 

"Ah, Mary, I only hope that I'm up to satisfying a woman like you," Skinner-Munk replied. "I know I'm going to try ... but I'm not sure I'm man enough to live up to your expectations." 

Mary gave him a bright smile, "Well, I guess it's time for us to find out," she said as she got up to a sitting position. "Now, I understand that the first step in this cure is a certain special bite?" 

* * *

**PART 43**

Back at Hot Tub Central, Maggie and Brad having reached a climax of tsunami proportions were lolling in the bubbles trading little kisses. "Maggie, that was absolutely fantastic. I've never experienced anything like it." 

"I'm so glad I could give you the experience. It was pretty damn good for me as well." Maggie reached for the "refreshments" and handed Brad a Dixie cup. Together they slurped down another Jello shot. 

Meanwhile, next door Mavis and Bea were avidly studying their copy of the Kama Sutra. "See Bea, I told you it was page 129." Mavis had a somewhat unfocused look in her eyes, "I've wondered what it would look like in practice." 

"Wow" Bea's voice was awestruck. 

"Wow indeed." 

Maggie and Brad were snuggling together enjoying the warm bubbling waters. 

"Brad, we need to think a bit about what's next." 

"uhhhhm" Brad was teasing Maggie's left breast with his tongue while stroking lower down with a hand. 

"Brad, I'm serious. . .Oh yes, just a little to the left there." 

Reluctantly he stopped laving her breast and said, "Maggie, you've probably figured out that I'm finished with the FBI. . ." 

"Yes Brad, I had figured that out." 

"I've got some money put away Maggie, we can go away some place. . ." 

"Money isn't really an issue, Brad, as for going away some place, I have a lovely villa in the South of France that I thought we could make our base. . ." 

"South of France, sounds like a workable plan." 

"Good, now that's settled, didn't you tell me the other night that you had a little surprise waiting. . ." Maggie batted her lashes and licked her lips seductively. 

Brad chuckled low in his throat and leered back at her. "Ah yes, you little vixen I do have a little surprise for you." He leaned in and whispered into her ear. Maggie's face lit up like a Christmas tree and she almost squealed, 

"Oh Brad, the Venus Butterfly!!!!!!" 

* * *

**PART 44**

Up in the spare bedroom, Mary stretched in the bed and looked over to where Skinner was standing by the window. She had never felt so proud or so fulfilled as she looked at him standing there in all of his glory. Gone were the chubby cheeks ... the furry tail. He stood tall and strong, trim-waisted, deep-chested and beautifully endowed, his gorgeously bald pate catching the stray light coming through the blinds. He turned to her and gave her a gentle smile, "Well Mary, do you like what you see?" 

"Oh sir, I love it," she breathed. "You are ... absolutely magnificent." 

"Well if I am, it's thanks to you," Skinner replied, moving back towards the bed. "You are responsible for helping me transform from mutant man-munk back to a whole and complete man." 

"And you are all of that," Mary sighed. Slowly, she pushed herself up to a sitting position. "I suppose it's time for me to go downstairs. One of the other girls will want to take her turn." 

Skinner sat down on the bed and took Mary's hands in his. "I don't want you to go yet, Mary," he said gently. "This is your initiation as a Wench and I don't want your memory to be of starting your experience with a large chipmunk." 

"But the other Wenches ..." Mary interrupted. 

"They won't mind at all," Skinner replied, raising one of her hands to his lips. "The Wenches are a very generous group and they would want you to enjoy the full experience of initiation into Wench-hood." Skinner stood up and pulled the covers back so he could slide back into bed next to Mary. Taking her into his arms he pulled her close so that she could feel his hot breath against her cheek. His lips gently brushed against her cheek and then he was pressing his mouth on hers, kissing her deeply. 

Mary couldn't help but respond, her arms wrapping around Skinner, pulling him even closer, her mouth just as alive and aggressive as his own. When they broke for air, she gave him the most beautiful smile, "Well, I won't deny that I HAVE dreamed about my initiation into Wench-hood for the longest time," she told him, her hands playing over his chest, now smooth save for the normal layering of chest hair. "And I can't deny that I never quite pictured that I would be making it with a giant chipmunk." 

"I didn't think so," Skinner replied, his own hands busy under the sheets, "And since this IS your initiation I feel that it is my duty that I make it a memorable one." 

"Who am I to argue with My Surly Pectoral God?" Mary asked as she pulled him on top of her in a sudden burst of passion. "After all, I have lusted for you for a very, very long time." 

"Then ..." Skinner breathed as he kissed her face and neck passionately. "I feel ... ummm you taste wonderful ... that it's time ... mmmm ... your patience was rewarded." 

* * *

**PART 45**

Meanwhile, the living room of the Doggett house had undergone a sudden transformation. It had been completely cleaned up and transformed into Party Central. All trace of the little chipmunks had disappeared, courtesy of the Wenches' various Cabana Boys. The place was spotlessly clean and the bar open and serving all kinds of liquid refreshments. Ta2Betty was explaining the genesis of the Wench movement to a very interested Scully and Fowley. "So let me get this straight," Fowley commented, bouncing her little Meepmork on her knee. "The primary qualification to become a Wench is to lust for Skinner." 

"Absolutely," Ta2Betty replied. "And we don't mean a simple, 'he's cute' ... we mean head-over-heels total and complete, fills up your dreams hot and heavy lust for the Man." 

"But even though you are devoted to Skinner you are able to associate with other men?" Scully asked, indicating the Cabana Boys. 

"That's right," Ta2Betty answered. "After all, although His Surliness is more than capable of satisfying all of us his time is limited and he is very understanding of our needs. So every Wench is permitted her Cabana Boys to get her through those times when she isn't receiving his attentions." 

"Wow, someone should have told me about this years ago," Fowley said shaking her head. "I mean, I always thought he was a fine figure of a man and we did have one memorable encounter, but who knew that he was such a stud." 

"My dear, I do assure you that when Walter lays down his glasses he is QUITE a different man from that buttoned-down three-piece suit type," GoScully said as she joined the conversation. "That three-piece suit hides the body of a God!" 

"Not to mention that he has the most incredible staying power!" Ta2Betty sighed. "His strength ... his endurance ..." 

"You mean he doesn't have a problem with control?" Fowley asked. 

"Honey, there's a reason why we Wenches named our hangout the Rock Hard Caf," Ta2Betty laughed. 

"He not only has complete control, he has incredible recuperative powers," GoScully sighed as she remembered her last encounter with Skinner. "And his technique ... ohhh ... he does know how to make a woman feel like a woman." 

"I may ask him to have a little talk with Mulder," Scully muttered. 

TeeJay and Poochespup had drifted over to the window to join Langly and Byers who were still watching the action taking place outside. "Well, hello fellas," Poochespup greeted them. "What's so interesting out there?" 

Langly and Byers turned their attention from the window for the first time and upon seeing the two lovely Wenches within touching distance their jaws dropped and their tongues hung out of their mouths. "Uh ... huh ...." Langly stammered. 

"It's ... well ... outside ..." Byers swallowed hard as he tried to speak. 

TeeJay and Poochespup exchanged knowing glances ... as Wenches they were accustomed to getting this kind of reaction from men. "Take it easy, boys." TeeJay said soothingly. "Don't get so excited." 

Meanwhile, Poochespup had glanced out the window and what she saw put a big grin on her face. "TeeJay, you've got to see this. Take a look at that couple out there." 

TeeJay looked outside and her grin matched Poochespup. "Guess we know what the guys were looking at," she commented as she placed a sisterly arm around Poochespup's shoulders. "Hmm ... that blond stud has quite a technique about him. To say nothing of his build." 

"I know, I was just noticing that," Poochespup replied. "He really would make a nice addition to our stable of Cabana Boys." 

"Yes ... I can see where he would fit right in," TeeJay answered. "And that woman with him is no slouch either. Look at that move of hers. I'm sure His Surliness would be impressed with her." 

"Very true," Poochespup answered. "Of course, we don't know how she would feel about him." 

"Well of course she would lust after him if she were given the chance," TeeJay said matter-of-factly. "I mean, what woman wouldn't?" 

"Well, I suppose we should give them their privacy," Poochespup said, turning from the window and back to Byers and Langly, who had just become aware of all of the lovely Wenches in the room. "Listen guys, why don't you come with us and join the party." 

"You ... you mean ... go over there ..." Langly stammered. 

"With them," Byers croaked, indicating the Wenches. "And with you?" 

There was no mistaking the excitement mingled with fear that appeared in Langly's and Byers' eyes. TeeJay leaned over and whispered in Poochespup's ear, "We've got to help these guys out." 

"Agreed," Poochespup replied. She cozied up to Langly and slipped her arm around his waist. "Come on, you blond babe, spend some time with me. My name is Poochespup ... what's yours?" 

"Uh ... Langly," he replied, his voice coming out a tight squeak. 

"Nice name," she laughed. "Come on into the party. I'll get you a drink and you can tell me all about yourself." 

TeeJay linked her arm through Byers' "Why don't we go over there and get better acquainted?" she asked. "I'm TeeJay." 

"Um ... my name is John Fitzgerald Byers," Byers said in a very shaky voice as he felt beads of perspiration appear on his head. TeeJay could sense his nervousness and gave his arm a reassuring squeeze as they joined the others in the main room. 

Meanwhile, CSM touched Mulder on his arm. "Agent Mulder, we need to talk privately." 

Mulder shrugged and followed CSM over to the now vacated window. "What do you want?" he asked irritably. 

"It has been brought to my attention that a certain vital part of your education was neglected," CSM told him. "Hearing the accounts from Agents Scully and Fowley of your past encounters with them, and knowing your fondness for pornography, it seems that perhaps you need some assistance with sex education." 

"You have got to be kidding!" Mulder snorted. "Listen, I don't need any help in that department, thank you. I'm doing just fine ... and more than fine. My equipment is quite sizable and in fine working order." 

"I am well aware that you are more than adequately equipped," CSM replied. 

"Remember that I did see you stripped on an operating table. But just because you have the equipment doesn't mean you know how to use it. And as your father, I feel it is my duty to give you some guidance." 

"Yeah right!" Mulder scowled sarcastically. "Listen you old black lunged b@stard, I had that 'birds and bees' talk with my REAL dad when I was 13. He taught me everything he knew about sex." 

"My dear Fox, if all you know about sex is what Bill Mulder taught you then you are in serious trouble," CSM said calmly as he lit a cigarette. "Consider the case of your mother. A woman doesn't go looking for fresh meat when she's got plenty at home." 

Mulder paused to consider this statement. CSM raised a valid point there. And it was true that he had not had much luck with women. Oh, he had his share of girlfriends in college ... but they always seemed to disappear after the first bedroom encounter, even the ones who had thrown themselves at him. And there was no denying that Fowley and Scully had both been disappointed in his performance in bed. Mulder shrugged, "Okay, Cancer Man, what have I got to lose?" 

CSM turned Mulder to the window. "I want you to see something, Fox. Take a look outside." 

Mulder took a look out the window and his wide-lipped mouth opened in disbelief, "Holy s-it, that's Mrs. Scully. With A.D. Follmer!" 

CSM nodded, "That's right." 

"Oh my God, would you look at that!" Mulder exclaimed. "I didn't think normal people could do that. I thought those were tricks in those porn films." 

"No Fox," CSM replied. "That is a pair of normal people enjoying a normal physical relationship. Something that you can do if you're willing to learn." 

Mulder turned to CSM and there was a look of appeal in his eyes, "You really think it's possible that I could do that." 

CSM nodded, "Yes, Fox. You can do that. You can satisfy a woman the way A.D. Follmer is satisfying Mrs. Scully. I can help you." 

Mulder turned back to the window and pressed his substantial nose to the glass, his fists clenched at his sides. "I want to believe," he sighed. 

* * *

**PART 46**

John Doggett strode quickly down the stairs taking them two at a time, with Monica Reyes following along behind. When he got to the entrance to the living room he paused for a moment. "What the ..." 

His astonishment was understandable of course. When he and Reyes had gone up to the bedroom the living room was a disaster area, filled with garbage, chipmunks, chipmunk droppings, chipmunk fur, chipmunk ... well, you get the general idea. Now, a little over an hour later, his living room was clean and gleaming, and the horrific scent of too many chipmunks in too small a space had been replaced by the fragrance of several very lovely women. Music was being provided by Alvin, Mork and Langly, who had dug up his old guitar and were singing a variety of golden oldies, to the amusement of the beautiful, toga-clad women who were lounging about the room sipping drinks and chattering away. Byers was helping to serve the drinks along with several other handsome men. Two of the ladies were cooing over Baby Meepmork, who for once was behaving himself and enjoying their attentions. Spotting Scully and Fowley over in a corner, Doggett made his way over to them. "What the hell is going on here," he asked. 

Scully looked up at him and instantly brightened. "Hi, Agent Doggett," she greeted him brightly. "I see you're back to normal." 

"Yeah, everything's right the way it should be," Doggett replied. "I'm guessing Mulder is okay?" 

"Oh sure, Fox is doing just fine," Fowley replied. "He's over there by the window, having a heart-to-heart with his dear old dad the smokestack." 

Doggett and Reyes glanced over and saw the two men, their heads together, talking earnestly as they stared out the window. "It looks like Agent Mulder came through his cure just fine," Reyes said. 

"Oh yeah, he just sailed right through," Scully answered. 

"Actually, you could say he sped right through," Fowley sniped with just a hint of malice. 

Scully gave Fowley a look sour enough to curdle Ms. Fowley's supply of breast milk. "Yeah, like you ever had any better with him," she retorted. "From what you were telling me a few minutes ago he didn't exactly make it last with you, either." 

"Uh ... can anyone tell me where Skinner is?" Doggett asked. "And who all of these people are?" 

"His Surliness is upstairs in the spare bedroom taking the cure, so to speak," 

Doggett heard the voice of a sultry Southern woman behind him and turned to see a radiant beauty watching him. "And all of these people are Walter's Wenches and our cabana boys." 

"And you are ..." Reyes asked. 

"I'm Poochespup, one of Walter's Wenches," Poochespup replied, giving Reyes a quick look and then mentally dismissing her to focus her full attention on the gorgeous specimen of manhood that was John Doggett. "I don't believe I've had the pleasure of meeting you though, sirrrr," she drawled out the last word sexily. 

"No, you must have arrived while I was upstairs," Doggett answered, grinning at the vision before him, all thoughts of the last hour with Monica Reyes totally forgotten as he came under the wily Wench's spell. "I'm John Doggett. Pleased to make your acquaintance." 

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Doggett," Poochespup replied, extending her hand graciously. "Is it my imagination or do I detect a touch of the Southern man in your speech." 

"How perceptive of you, Miss Poochespup," Doggett replied, his blue eyes dancing and his thin lips smiling widely. "I'm a Georgia boy, born in Democrat Hot Springs." 

"Why I declare, we're practically neighbors," Poochespup laughed. "I'm from Kentucky." 

"You don't say!" Doggett replied, slipping his arm around Poochespup's waist, to the annoyance of Reyes and Scully. "It's been a long time since I've had the chance to chat with a Southern belle." 

"John," Reyes stamped her foot in annoyance. "Don't you think ..." 

"Monica, why don't you go watch The Brady Bunch," Doggett gave her a dismissive look and then turned his attention back to Poochespup. "I must thank you and your friends for the wonderful clean-up job you've done around here." 

"Why, it's the least we could do, Mr. Doggett." Poochespup drawled, gently touching his shoulder with her warm fingers. "After all, you're allowing us to use your fine house for our Wenchly get-together." 

"Please, Miss Poochespup, call me John," Doggett himself was drawling now, his latent Southern accent now unmistakable and all trace of New York-ese gone. "You know, I'm powerful thirsty and that drink in your hand looks awfully inviting." 

"Well, I'm sure one of our Cabana Boys would be delighted to get you a drink," Poochespup exclaimed. "Maybe we should go on over to the bar and get that thirst of yours taken care of, hmm?" 

"I'm in your hands, Miss Poochespup." Doggett grinned, slipping his arm around her waist. 

"Hmmm ... what a delightfully delicious thought," Poochespup drawled, batting her eyes at him and slipping her arm around his waist. As the two moved off together towards the bar, Scully and Reyes watched in fury and disbelief as Poochespup's hand slid down from Doggett's waist to rest on his trim, toned butt. 

"I don't believe this!" Reyes exclaimed. "How could he just go off with her after just coming out of my bed!" 

Fowley, whose creed was never miss a chance to put someone down, gave Reyes a single contemptuous glance. "Maybe he didn't get no satisfaction," she quipped. 

"Why you b!tch!" Reyes exclaimed angrily. 

"That's Queen B!tch Goddess of the Cosmos, to be exact." Fowley declared with a toss of her carefully lacquered hair. 

"That's enough from both of you." Scully broke in. "Monica, you should just let it go. You know what you always say ... go with the flow." 

"Go with the flow be damned!" Reyes fumed. "It's easy for you to say that. Mulder didn't take off with some strange ... Wench!" Reyes fumed. 

Scully smiled smugly and glanced over at where Mulder was still in conversation with CSM. "That's true," she smirked. "I know where MY man is!" 

Meanwhile, CSM and Mulder continued their conversation. "So you see, my dear boy, it's all a matter of self control." CSM explained. "When it comes to bedroom games, it's not like it is with other games. He who finishes last finishes best." 

"Well, I see your point, I guess." Mulder commented, scratching his head. "I don't know why Dad didn't tell me all of this. He had me convinced that the best thing I could do for a woman was to get in, get done and get out fast." 

CSM shook his head sadly, "Perhaps now you understand why your mother turned to me," he said softly. "Poor Teena ... when I think of how many years she was unsatisfied and unfulfilled ..." 

"Listen ... you know, I want to try some of what you've said but I .. well .." Mulder paused. 

CSM smiled paternally, "Yes, my son?" 

"Well ... I'm kind of nervous about asking Scully to do it again right now," Mulder said shyly. "I mean ... I don't want to piss her off by ... well ... you know ..." 

"I understand completely, my dear boy," CSM murmured. "Take a look around you though. There are plenty of women here and they are sexy enough to make a eunuch grow a pair of testicles. Why not experiment with one of them to see if you have mastered the lesson?" 

"Well ..." Mulder appeared uncertain. 

CSM surveyed the room and saw one particularly lovely Wench standing by the fireplace looking over at the two of them. It was clear that she was fascinated by Mulder and only her innate good manners kept her from wandering over to interrupt the conversation taking place between the two men. "Do you see that girl over there, in the jade green toga?" 

Mulder looked over and his eyes met those of the beauty, who gave him a seductive smile. "Yee haw," he whistled. 

"I take it you find her attractive?" CSM asked. 

"Attractive isn't the word," Mulder replied. "She is definitely having an effect on me." 

CSM looked down and it was obvious what kind of effect the Wench was having. "Son, I think you're tenting," he commented. 

"You're right," Mulder said, somewhat abashed and he spread his hands over his frontal region to try to hide his obvious physical reaction. 

But Mulder had not moved quickly enough ... the Wench had caught a glimpse of his condition and that was enough for her. She set her drink down on the fireplace mantle and glided gracefully over to where CSM and Mulder were standing. "Excuse me," she said in a light, silver bell-like voice. "I'm sorry to interrupt you both." 

"Oh, don't worry about that," CSM murmured. 

"Let me introduce myself, I'm A Maus, but everyone calls me Mausie. I couldn't help but notice that the two of you seemed fascinated by what was going on outside," the Wench smiled at both of them but her eyes were fixed on Mulder. 

"Oh ... I'm Mulder," Mulder answered. "And yeah, it's kind of interesting. If you'd like to see, I'll step back." 

"Oh, don't do that," Mausie replied, coming up close. "I can just squeeze in here and we can both see, since you're so much taller than I am." Easily, Mausie inserted herself between Mulder and the window, her toga-clad butt pressed firmly against his special pride and joy. Mausie was no fool and wiggled just a little, laughing to herself as she heard Mulder gasp slightly. "Yes, I can see what has you so engrossed," she commented, pressing herself backward just a little more and giving another wiggle. "Of course, I can do everything that SHE can." 

"Can you?" Mulder was having some difficulty speaking. 

"Of course I can." Mausie replied, turning her head to glance over her shoulder at Mulder, giving him her sexiest smile. "And I can do even more. I have my own special technique ... the Fouf! Want to give it a try?" 

Mulder glanced over at CSM who gave him a nod of encouragement. He wrapped his arm around Mausie's waist, leaned in and whispered his assent in her ear. She smiled back and together they turned from the window and made their way out of the living room. CSM smiled and raised as hand as if in benediction, "Go for it, my son. The fouf is out there!" 

* * *

**PART 47**

Wench Mary came down the stairs, her eyes sparkling and a beatific smile on her face. TeeJay, Ta2Betty and GoScully exchanged knowing glances as Mary approached them. "Well, Mary, how is our Surly Pectoral God?" TeeJay asked. 

"He is ... absolutely fantastic," Mary breathed ecstastically. "That was the most incredible experience of my life." 

"And is he fully recovered?" GoScully asked with a wink. 

"Oh, he is well on the road to recovery but he definitely needs more attention," Mary replied with her own knowing wink. "He asked me to send another Wench up to tend to him." 

"We most certainly will do that," Ta2Betty replied, consulting her list. "Hmmm ... A Maus is here and due for her initiation into the glory that is Skinner...but I don't see her anywhere." 

"Oh, I saw her go off with that Agent Mulder," GoScully replied. "And from the looks they were giving each other, I'd say she may be busy for a little while." 

"Hmmm ... well, it's probably a good idea to send a more experienced Wench upstairs next," TeeJay said wisely. "I don't see Poochepup around here, either. Oh ... but here's Lady Tig ... why don't you send her up to His Surliness." 

"An excellent choice," Ta2Betty agreed. "I'll go let her know. Mary, why don't you come with me ... it's time for you to discover the joys of Skinneritas and Cabana Boys." 

Mary and Ta2Betty wandered over to where Lady Tig was sipping a Skinnerita and sharing her stories of experiences with the Man with the other Wenches. GoScully and TeeJay watched as Ta2Betty leaned over, whispered something and pointed up. Lady Tig's face lit up with a radiant smile and she quickly excused herself from the circle, making her way up the staircase. 

"Well, there goes one happy Wench," GoScully commented with satisfaction. 

"Yes ... of course we will also have our turn," TeeJay remarked with a smile. "After all, our beloved Walter never forgets to give the senior Wenches his very best." 

"Too true, TeeJay," GoScully laughed, then she turned her attention to the female agents. "Will you look at those three over there? Have you ever seen a more bitter-faced trio?" 

"Poor things ... they simply couldn't keep their men in line," TeeJay laughed. 

"Of course, it was to be expected. No man can resist the unparalleled beauty and unbridled sexuality of a Wench." 

"Especially those three," GoScully chuckled. "I mean, it wasn't even a fair contest. Look at them. First there's that redhead ... she's a positive midget. And you can't tell me that hair is for real ... that shade of red is definitely a dye job. And her fashion sense? Puh-leeze!" 

"Oh, I know," TeeJay chortled, taking a sip of her Skinnerita. "And you see the brunette over there ... could she be more obvious about trying to attract attention with that low-cut see-through blouse?" 

"She's no worse than the horse-faced one with the lacquered dark hair," GoScully whooped. "The only thing she's got going for her are those big breasts." 

"Which she loses no opportunity to push out every chance she can get," TeeJay cracked. "Still, I almost feel sorry for them. Do you think we should consider sending a few of the cabana boys over to keep them company?" 

GoScully shook her head, "Nahh ... our boys have their hands full with the rest of the Wenches," she replied. "We need to think of our Wench sisters first." 

"You are so right, GoScully," TeeJay agreed as she rose from the sofa. "I need a refill ... let's get Ta2Betty to make up another batch of Skinneritas." 

* * *

**PART 48**

"I don't believe this!" Reyes muttered darkly, her usual bright, chipper, in-love-with-this-pretty-world expression replaced with the look of someone who has eaten an entire lemon. "First Brad takes up with that slutty mother of yours and then John goes off with that simpering Southern miss." 

"Just a minute there, where do you come off calling my mother a slut?" Scully exclaimed angrily, her fists clenching. 

"Come on, Dana, you saw them making it like rabbits in the kitchen," Reyes replied with a roll of her eyes. 

"Just because my mother decided to have some fun with your ex-lover doesn't make her a slut," Scully shot back. "He's the first man she's done anything with since my father died." 

"That you know of," Reyes quipped. 

"Well I do know about how many men you've been doing so you're the last person in the world who should be calling anyone a slut," Scully retorted. "Let's see ... there was Brad Follmer, A.D. Skinner, Agent Doggett, me, my brother Charlie ..." 

"Wait a minute ... how did you find out about Charlie?" Reyes asked in surprise. 

"Charlie told me all about his rounds with you," Scully said smugly. "Didn't you wonder why I knew you'd go wild when you were kissed on your ..." 

"Excuse me, Agents Frigid and Nympho," Fowley interrupted. "While watching you two go at it in a catfight may be vastly entertaining at other times right now I have more important things on my mind." 

"Such as?" 

"Such as why not one of the men in this room has come over here to pay their proper attention to ME!" Fowley spat out sharply. "I can understand why they're ignoring two twits like you but they should be groveling and drooling before me. Even that little pipsqueak Frohike isn't hovering. Has the universe slipped off its axis or has hell frozen over?" 

"Neither," said GoScully as she came up with Baby Meepmork in her arms. "It's simply that this room is full of Wenches and no ordinary woman can compete with a Wench." 

"Listen, Moronica and Dumb Dana may be ordinary women, I'll grant you that," Fowley huffed. "But I am no ordinary woman ... I am Special Agent Diana Fowley, Queen B!tch Goddess of the Cosmos!" 

"Honey, you may be the queen of queens for all that's worth," GoScully replied flashing a smile spiced with just the right bit of malicious snarkiness. "But in a roomful of Wenches you are definitely below the standard. Although there is one male in the room who is eager for your attention." 

"Oh ... who?" Fowley brightened, gave a toss of her lacquered hair and jutted out her bosom in anticipation. 

"Your little bundle of joy here," GoScully declared as she thrust Meepmork into his mother's arms. "He's all yours!" 

"Oh well, I guess it's better than nothing," Fowley said as she looked into the infant's face. "You still have enough sense to appreciate how special your mother is, don't you Meepmork?" 

"Are you kidding, Mom, those Wenches are works of art." Meepmork answered. "They're beautiful, funny, sexy, witty ..." 

"Then why did you want to come back to your mother?" Scully asked. 

"I'm hungry!" Meepmork replied calmly, using his little hands to unbutton Fowley's blouse. "And Mom's nugs are the only full ones around here. Lemme at 'em!" and quickly his little mouth wrapped itself around Fowley's left nipple and he began sucking greedily. 

* * *

**PART 49**

Meanwhile back in the hot tub, Brad and Maggie had slurped down yet another pair of jello shots, while continuing to be oblivious to the bacchanal taking place in the house. 

After the Kama Sutra moves and the Venus Butterfly, they lazed in the warm water, their hands and tongues languidly exploring each other's body. 

"What do you suppose is going on inside?" 

Brad raised his head from Maggie's cleavage, and turned slightly to look at the windows, where he could see the curtains twitching slightly. 

"Haven't a clue, though I suspect that someone is watching us. . ..uh a little ;lower snookums. . ." 

Maggie complied and was rewarded with a purring noise from Brad. But her interest was piqued and she moved slightly so she could see the windows. Sure enough the curtains were twitching and she thought she recognized the face peering around the edge of the curtain. 

"Brad I do believe that's Mr. Frohike. Such a sweet little man, You should have seen him when Dana was returned from her abduction. He brought flowers every day she was in the hospital." 

Maggie turned back towards Brad and realized that another set of curtains at another window was twitching. She locked eyes with Mavis who went red with embarrassment as she realized that she and Bea had been found out. Maggie smiled and raised her hand to wave. 

"Brad we seem to have acquired an audience, why don't we invite them to join us?" 

Brad looked at her with amazement and then seeing her seductive smile, and contemplating the idea of a group in the tub acquiesced. 

"Why not, the more the merrier." 

Together they gestured to Frohike, Bea and Mavis, indicating that they should join them in the tub. 

Frohike looked around the room and realizing that if slipped away, no one was likely to miss him, made his way out to the hot tub. To his surprise and indeed pleasure he found that two comely WOWs had also joined the party. 

Maggie, ever the perfect hostess, passed the pan of jello shots and the party got under way. 

* * *

**PART 50**

Back in the living room, GoScully looked up and saw Doggett and Poochespup returning from the garage. "Ah, Poochie," she greeted her with a hug. "I'm glad you're back. His Surliness would like to see you upstairs in five minutes." 

"Oh wonderful!" Poochespup replied. "That gives me just enough time to fix my face." She turned to Doggett and extended her hand "Thank you so much for a simply delightful time, John. I'd forgotten how passionate Southern men could be." 

Doggett took her hand and raised it to his lips in a courtly gesture, "It was my pleasure, Miss Poochespup," he drawled. "I can assure you that this was delightful for me, too." 

Poochespup gave a knowing wink and headed in the direction of the bathroom while Reyes scowled at Doggett, "You can drop the Rhett Butler routine, John. You haven't been any further south than Falls Church, Virginia since you were five years old." 

"Maybe not, but a sweet Southern lady like Miss Poochespup just brings out the Southern man in me," Doggett replied. "She's a real charmer." 

"Yes indeed she is," GoScully said with a smile. "Poochie is one of the favorite Wenches here ... everybody loves her." 

"I can understand why," Doggett answered with a warm smile that clearly conveyed the deep impression his session with Poochespup had left on him. "I'm feeling a bit thirsty and I understand that there's a bar going on here?' 

"There sure is," GoScully replied, taking Doggett's arm. "Come with me and I'll introduce you to the pleasures of the Skinnerita. I think you'll enjoy it." 

As they moved off, Reyes stared jealously at the departing Doggett. "I cannot believe that right after leaving my bed John did it with another woman," she exclaimed. 

"Poor Monica," Scully said with exaggerated faux sympathy. "It must be hard on you to know that your man just had sex with somebody else." 

"Oh, stop the phony sympathy routine," Reyes snapped back at her. "After all, your guy is off with a Wench, too." 

Scully smiled smugly. "At least I know he's not having sex with her." 

"And how do you know that, Dr. Dana?" Reyes enquired. 

Scully consulted her watch, "Because they've been gone almost an hour," she replied. "If they had been having sex, they would have been back 30 minutes ago." 

"That's true," Fowley replied as she shifted Meepmork to her right breast. "No way would it take this long for Mulder to make it with someone." 

It was more than Reyes could bear, to know that Doggett had given in to the wiles of the winsome Wenches. She paced the room for a moment, trying to find an outlet for her frustration then, dropping to her knees and raising her eyes to heaven, she began to chant the Love Song of the Lonely Whale. 

"What in the hell is that god-awful sound?" GoScully asked, as the sound of Reyes' whale song overcame the (admittedly questionable) music being made by Alvin, Langly and Mork. 

Doggett heaved a deep, heavy sigh. "That's Monica again. Whenever she gets into one of her moods she goes off on either a chant or a whale song." 

"That is the ugliest sound I've ever heard," Ta2Betty commented as she mixed up another batch of Skinneritas. "Nothing could be worse than that." 

"You wanna bet," Doggett asked as he accepted the offered Skinnerita. "You haven't heard Agent Scully try to sing." 

"It's that bad?" GoScully asked, taking a Skinnerita of her own. 

Doggett gave a shudder and downed the Skinnerita in one quick gulp. "Agent Scully makes Monica sound like Julie Andrews," he replied. "One night she sang a lullaby to the kid and I was ready to arrest her for child abuse." 

"Well, let's hope she doesn't join Agent Reyes in a duet," GoScully commented, taking a sip of her own drink. 

"Amen to that!" Ta2Betty agreed. "Oh look, here comes Mausie and that Agent Mulder. Over here, Mausie." 

Mausie came over, leading Mulder by the hand. "Hello Ta2 and GS. How are you doing?" 

"We're just fine," GoScully replied. "We were just getting ready to call for you. Poochespup is up there with His Surliness and he's asked that you go upstairs next." 

"Me?!" Mausie stammered. "He wants to see ME!" 

"Of course he does," Ta2Betty replied. "It's time for your initiation as a full-fledged Wench." 

"Oh wow!" Mausie exclaimed, suddenly as giddy as a teenager. "I ... oh wow! I'm just so nervous all of a sudden. I mean ... what if I do something wrong? Or what if I don't satisfy him?" 

"I wouldn't worry about that, Mausie." Mulder broke in with a knowing wink. "You just have to show him that fouf of yours and he'll be putty in your hands. Just like I was." 

"You really think so?" Mausie asked. 

"Of course I do," Mulder replied. "No man could resist Da Fouf!" 

"Oh, I hope you're right," Mausie exclaimed. "I'd better run to the powder room and freshen up ... I want to be at my best when it's time for me to go upstairs." 

As Mausie disappeared CSM wandered over and gave Mulder a quizzical look. "Well, son?" 

Mulder grinned at him. "Well, what?" 

"You were gone for quite a while with A Maus," CSM commented as he pulled out a Morley and lit it up. "I take it that your session with her was effective?" 

"Let's just say that the Fouf was definitely out there," Mulder replied with a sly grin. "And I found out what a woman means when she says she wants a lover with a 'slow hand and an easy touch.'" 

"You mean you and A Maus ..." Doggett questioned with a raised eyebrow. 

"You've got it," Mulder replied. 

"And how many times?" CSM asked. 

"For Mausie ... three," Mulder answered smugly. "For me ... one. One long, drawn out damn hot time!" 

CSM slapped Mulder on the back. "Congratulations, my son," he beamed proudly. "Today you have learned one of the most important truths of all." 

Mulder glanced across the room and noticed that Scully was signaling to him. "Uh ... excuse me, guys. I'll be right back." 

* * *

**PART 51**

Frohike got one look at Mavis and Bea, who, despite their quaintly old-fashioned names, and spinsterhood, were indeed a fine pair of WOWs. Years of yoga, regular visits to a lovely little day spa as well as a lot of time on the Internet, and careful perusal of, ahem, "instructional" videos had seen to that. Indeed, they were ready to roll. 

"Hello ladies. . .Melvin Frohike at your service and command." His grin grew larger as the jello shot hit his empty stomach and two pair of amazingly skilled hands began a detailed investigation of his body. 

"I'm Mavis Pendennis and this is my sister Bea. We've read about a few things we'd like to try out. . .would that be agreeable to you?" Frohike was overcome with the ethereal fragrance of the two sisters (Mavis favored a judicious application of Opium while Bea was a Samsara aficionado), their roving hands and they Hoover quality mouths. He made a squeaking noise of assent and gave into the pleasuring he was being given. In his mind, this was better than anything going on in the house. 

Brad and Maggie, with a warm glow of pleasure at having brought the unlikely trio together, didn't want to be too voyeuristic so they opted to continue their own investigation of each other. They seemed to be able to continually find new ways to pursue their investigation. 

Some time later, the five sated tubbers once again passed the tray of refreshments and with a variety of toasts each downed yet another jello shot. 

"Well now, isn't this lovely." Mavis surveyed the others with a satisfied smile. 

"I must admit that in all the time Mr. Doggett has lived here, we've never seen him use this hot tub. Bea and I both thought it was a terrible waste of a lovely tub. We both thought he spent way too much time cleaning his gun and watching NASCAR." 

"Man didn't have his priorities straight." Frohike added, shaking his head. 

"It's a fine hot tub, and my dear Miss Mavis, and Miss Bea you both certainly add to the, ahh, ambience. 

Bea, who was naturally less loquacious than her sister laughed, low in her throat while Mavis beamed and said, "Why thank you Melvin." 

"Uhm, Mr. Frohike could you enlighten us as to just what has been going on inside. . ." Maggie was somewhat curious, though completely guiltless at having unloaded Meepmork. 

"Well Mrs. Scully, that's a long and strange story. . ." 

* * *

**PART 52**

Mulder sauntered over to where Scully was standing with Reyes, Fowley and little 

Meepmork. "You're looking for me, Scully?" he asked nonchalantly. 

"Yes, I was getting a bit worried, Mulder," Scully replied. "You were gone with that little ... what's her name ... quite a while." 

"Her name is A Maus and I wasn't aware that we were gone that long," Mulder said with a grin. "Time with Mausie just flew right by." 

"Mausie?" Scully raised an eyebrow and her habitual frown deepened. "You call her Mausie?" 

"That's what she asked me to call her," Mulder answered. 

"When did she ask you to call her that?" Fowley asked as she flipped Meepmork onto her shoulder to burp him. 

"A little while ago when we were ... uh ..." Mulder paused as he realized that it might not be a good idea to tell his ex-lover and his current lover (in a manner of speaking!) what he and Mausie had been up to in the kitchen. 

But nothing could escape the sensitive psychic antenna of Agent Monica Reyes. Her eagle eyes took in the tousled hair, the sweatshirt that had been so hastily put back on that it was inside out, and the untied drawstring of the sweatpants. Now the good Monica Reyes, the sweet and loving flower child who wanted everything to be in harmony would have kept her mouth shut. But that was not the Monica Reyes who was in the Doggett living room at that moment. Instead there was the Monica Reyes who thanked Buddha, Isis and Osiris that she had been given a golden opportunity to stick it to Scully and Fowley. And who was she to throw away such a divinely sent opportunity? 

Smiling sweetly, Reyes completed Mulder's sentence for him, "A little while ago when he was banging little Mausie." 

"WHAT?????" Scully and Fowley both exclaimed in ear-shattering unison. 

"Why Dana and Diana, it is quite obvious that Agent Mulder spent the last hour or so getting intimately acquainted with little Wench Mausie," Reyes replied calmly, her toothy smile wider than it had ever been before. "I mean, look at him. His hair ... his clothes ... the lipstick all over his face!" 

"Oh my God, Fox," Fowley growled. "You didn't ..." 

"Aw, hell Mom, of course he did!" little Meepmork piped up after delivering one huge burp. "For Chrissakes when he left here he was sticking out like a flagpole. Now he's as limp as a wet noodle." 

All eyes ... including Mulder's ... went down to the nether regions of his sweatpants. There was no question that Meepmork was right ... the evidence was undeniable that Bob had been engaged in enough activity to send him into a flaccid slumber. 

As the horrible reality sank in, Scully's blue eyes widened and her lower lip trembled. Her entire little body began to shake. "Mulder ... you did it ... with another woman ..." 

"Scully ... it's not..." Mulder stammered. 

"You ... you did it with another woman ... and you LASTED OVER AN HOUR!!!!" Scully screamed. "I ... you ..." and with that Scully ran out of the room and out the front door, with Mulder in hot pursuit. 

Monica Reyes turned to Diana Fowley, beaming triumphantly. "And you call yourself the Queen B!tch Goddess of the Cosmos," she chortled smugly. "Let's see you top that one, Mommie Dearest." 

* * *

**PART 53**

Scully stopped at her car and began to fumble through her purse for her keys, her eyes blinded by tears. She tried to stop the flow of salt water but in her self-pitying state she really felt she had the right to a good cry. After all, it had been a really crappy day for her. It's not easy to find out that the baby you carried in your womb for 13 months and had taken such thorough care of (when you can't find someone else to take care of him for you) isn't really yours after all. It doesn't help when you find your mother having great sex with a tall, blond well-built stud while you're relegated to an upstairs room in a fellow agent's house with an overgrown man-munk who gives new meaning to the phrase "Slam, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am!" Or to suddenly find yourself in a room surrounded by several impossibly gorgeous Wenches, one of whom screws with the man you love and gets more sack time in one session than you've gotten in three! For Dana Scully, super-intelligent, beautiful, kick-ass FBI goddess, these were definitely NOT the best of times. 

Scully felt a hand on her shoulder and heard a well known monotone voice "Scully ..." 

Scully shook his hand off her shoulder and than, possessed with an almost maniacal rage, she whirled around and quickly delivered a brutal kick to Mulder's groin. "Take that, you would be super-stud!" she growled. 

"Arrggghhh!" Mulder grunted and doubled over in pain, "Scully what are you trying to do to me?" 

"I'll teach you to give another woman what you can't give to me, you son-of-a-b!tch!" Scully hissed, drawing back her leg as she prepared to deliver another well-placed kick. 

"Scully, come on," Mulder groaned. "After all of this time and all we've been through, you owe it to me ...you owe it to us ...to hear me out." 

Scully choked back her anger and leaned against her car, crossing her arms in front of her. "Okay, no one can say I'm not a reasonable woman," she acknowledged. "So start talking." 

As the pain in his much-cherished nether region began to ease, Mulder straightened himself up so he could look Scully in the eye. "Scully, you have to understand ... what happened in there with Mausie ... that was all for you and for us." 

Scully's eyebrows raised as she gave him a look that was as skeptical as the one she delivered when he told her about the Mexican goatsucker. "Come on, Mulder," she sneered. "You're the one who believes anything." 

"I'm telling you the truth Scully," Mulder said earnestly putting as much emotion as he could into his voice and succeeding in raising it just a slight level of expression above a monotone. "You may not know this, but I'm really a very passionate man. And because of that I've always had a problem with ... well ... with control. It's haunted me all my life." 

"Go on," Scully said, tapping her foot impatiently. 

"Well, it hasn't been easy to be as well-endowed as I am and to have this issue with control," Mulder continued, his lower lip beginning to tremble slightly as he recalled those disastrous experiences in high school and college. "Girls when they saw me just naturally assumed that because of my equipment I'd be able to deliver a long hot night of passion. Instead they were lucky if they got 15 minutes. Can you just imagine what that did to my ego?" 

In spite of herself, Scully began to feel some sense of compassion for her partner as he told this story. It was almost as moving as the story of Samantha's kidnapping. A brief flicker of sympathy crossed her face, very fleeting but Mulder's eagle eye spotted it and it gave him the courage to continue. "Anyway, eventually I stopped dating at all. I tried again with Phoebe Green and Diana Fowley, but I had the same results with them. And believe me, both of them let me know just how dissatisfied with me they were." Mulder paused and grimaced as he recalled that explosive scene with Diana and the horribly wounding things she had said. "After I broke up with Diana, I just gave up on women and devoted myself to porn and a little right-handed relief. And I also convinced myself that the problem wasn't with me at all ... that men were supposed to achieve the ultimate objective as quickly as possible." 

Scully sighed sympathetically, then caught herself. "Just what does that have to do with what happened tonight?" she demanded. 

"I'm getting to that," Mulder replied. "But let me finish the story properly, okay?" 

"Okay, Mulder but please don't make this one of your 20-minute monologues." 

"When you and I met, I felt an attraction to you but I didn't want to give in to it because I was pretty sure how it would end," Mulder continued. "You would be swept away by my devastating good looks, my incredible genius, my boyish enthusiasm and charisma and finally my super-sized Anaconda. And then you'd be disappointed in me and you'd drop me after our first night together. I didn't want to risk that, so I kept you at arms length for seven long years. Then finally, one lonely night, you got to me and let me into your bed. And even though our moment was brief ... you didn't turn away." 

"Of course I didn't, Mulder," Scully exclaimed, her lower lip beginning to tremble. "How could you think that I would? After all, there's more to our relationship than just sex." 

"Let's get real here, Scully ... our relationship has been about everything BUT sex," Mulder sighed. "I really didn't think you would go to the bedroom with me today when I needed you to cure me, and you shocked the hell out of me when you did. And inside I was hoping that this whole chipmunk thing would give me more staying power. But it didn't and you were disappointed again. And of course, in my own denial I told myself that you weren't disappointed ... that you were pleased to get it over with so quickly." 

"Mulder, that still doesn't explain about Mausie ..." Scully was beginning to get angry again as she felt that he was manipulating her into feeling sorry for him. 

"I'm getting to that right now," Mulder answered. "Old Smoky a/k/a my dear biological daddy decided that tonight would be a good time to live up to one of his parental obligations and had a little talk with me about what it takes to satisfy a woman. And given his track record he ought to know." 

"Mulder, that cigarette smoking son-of-a-b!tch is hardly a woman's dream man," Scully exclaimed. 

"Maybe not now but when he was younger he managed to nail every woman in sight, including my mother," Mulder replied. "Anyway, after his talk with me I knew I needed to see if I had absorbed the lesson. But I didn't want to try with you first, Scully. Because I didn't want to disappoint you again. So when Mausie came along and let me know that she wanted me ... well ... it seemed like the perfect solution." 

"Mulder ..." Scully began, drawing a deep breath. 

"Scully, don't you see, I did it with Mausie for you and for us." Mulder said as earnestly as monotone voice would permit, his hazel eyes beginning to water with emotion. "Mausie is a sweet and attractive woman but she was a means to an end. Now I know that I'm ready for you ... ready for us." 

"Mulder that has got to be one of the strangest explanations for infidelity that I have ever heard," Scully exclaimed. 

Mulder came closer and reached for Scully's hand. When she didn't snatch it away he took hope and slowly drew her closer. "Scully, you have to believe it," he said earnestly. "It's the truth, I swear it." 

Scully sighed ... she wanted so much to believe Mulder. Then a thought occurred to her. "Mulder, what about Mausie?" she asked. "Was it fair of you to use her like that?" 

"Mausie knows," Mulder replied. "I told her all about it because I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be hurting her feelings. It turns out that she was just using me too ... she wanted to make sure her Fouf technique was in top form before she was called up to spend time with Skinner." 

Scully giggled just a little through her resumed flow of tears. "Oh, Mulder!" she exclaimed. "I want so much to believe you." 

Mulder drew Scully closer. "Believe me, Scully," he murmured, taking her face between his hands and looking into the limpid blue eyes overflowing with tears. "Trust me," he whispered as he leaned closer and his full, hot, passionate lips made contact with the cool, dry, ivory skin of Scully's forehead. 

* * *

**PART 54**

Back in the living room of the Doggett house, Mork, Alvin and Langly had launched into another immortal golden oldie, "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?" Doggett and Byers were busy amusing various Wenches by doing Skinnerita shooters. CSM was still standing at the window watching the goings-on in the back yard with intent interest. Fowley gave him a look of sheer irritation. "What exactly is it that you are finding SO fascinating, you black-lunged b@stard?" she enquired crossly. 

"The show out in the hot tub is getting more and more interesting, my dear Diana," CSM replied smoothly, barely giving her a glance. 

"Look, I know that Ma Scully and the Blond Stud are doing a first class job of getting it on, but I've already seen that," Fowley sniffed. 

"Ah, but a few new players have entered the game," CSM said smoothly. "It's making for quite an interesting show." 

Meepmork pulled on Fowley's lacquered hair with one of his fists, breaking a couple of strands off in the process. "Come on, Ma, I wanna see what the old smokestack is talking about!" 

"Oh, all right," Fowley couldn't resist giving in to her malicious little offspring. With Meepmork in her arms she sauntered over to the window and gave a casual glance. What she saw made her do a double take and she was absolutely riveted. The color heightened in her face, her jaw dropped, her eyes grew wild and she began to pant in what could only be described as a major snit. "I don't believe it!" she exclaimed. "That little toad ... that cretin ... that roly-poly midget with the glasses is having it off out there?" 

"Holy s-it, look a little Frohike go!" Meepmork exclaimed. "With that technique he could give Ron Jeremy a run for his money!" 

"Excuse me, but how do you know about Ron Jeremy?" CSM asked blandly. 

Meepmork gave him a smug little smile, "I just know!" 

"Damn it, is everyone in this house having sex in one form or another but me?" Fowley exclaimed in a fury. 

CSM turned his attention from the window to survey her calmly. "Well my dear Diana, if you are in need I stand more than ready to oblige you." 

Fowley gave him a look that would freeze boiling oil, "Keep it in your pants, old man," she snarled. "I'd sooner make it with a corpse." 

CSM shrugged, "From what I've heard you've done that once or twice," he said as he turned back to the window. "There's no accounting for taste, I suppose." 

A disconsolate Monica Reyes gulped down her third (or maybe it was her fourth) brandy (she'd found it hidden in John Doggett's pantry and had kept the discovery to herself). She wobbled unsteadily over to where Mork, Alvin and Langly had wrapped up their latest song. "Hey Langley," she slurred, "Cn you play me somefin?" 

"What do you want to hear?" Langly asked. 

"I wanna hear somefin dat reminds me of John Doggett, my skirt-chasing parner," Reyes slurred. "An' it should be somefin Southern." 

"I've got it," Langly said as he adjusted his guitar. "It's an old Willie Nelson song." He softly strummed the guitar and played the opening chords of 'Crazy.' 

"Thash perfec'" Reyes sighed. 

"I thought Patsy Cline did that song," Mork commented. 

"She sang it, Willie Nelson wrote it," Alvin replied. "I used to play that song a lot after we were separated, Mork." 

"I know what you mean," Mork sniffed. "I played Stormy Weather a lot." 

Reyes was swaying in time with the music and then she lifted her head and began to sing, "Craaaazeee ... m crazeee fer feelin' so lone-le-eyyyyy." 

Langly looked to Mork and Alvin who quickly began to sing "Oo oo oo" giving Reyes adequate backup. 

"Craaazeeee ... crazzeee fer feelin so blooooooooooooo," Reyes warbled. 

Fowley gave Reyes a withering glance of contempt, "Crazy, she sure is!" 

* * *

**PART 55**

Frohike regaled the others with the chaos going on in the house. When he got to the part about Monica and Charlie, Maggie sputtered angrily. 

"That little tramp." Her vehemence startled them all. 

"What's the matter snookums." Brad punctuated his query with a kiss. 

"Monica seducing poor Charlie." 

"Seducing?" 

"Oh Brad you know that Charlie is gay, that little slut will sleep with just anyone to notch up a conquest. But it fits something. I remember a little kerfluffle between Charlie and Paul. Oh that b*tch. I could just throttle her." 

Brad had never seen Maggie quite so het up. "Oh Snookums don't be upset." He was unsure what else to say. 

"Oh Brad," she sighed. "He's my son and that bimbo hurt him and hurt Paul." Maggie really made no bones about preferring her second son to her older son and had come to love Charlie's partner equally. The two were so well suited and their decorating skills had been put to good use in her South of France villa. 

"Well dearheart, we will have to deal with her. Anyone that upsets my Maggie upsets me." Brad had finally figured out the right thing to say. 

"Oh Brad, you really are too good to me. I know that your position with the FBI is a little awkward just now, but could you see if something could be done. Reassignment to someplace, like. . .Deadhorse, Alaska." The name came to Maggie from years before when Dana and Fox had spent some time in that back of the beyond location. 

"For you Maggie, anything. I may still have a marker or two I can call in." 

"Oh Brad" Maggie proceeded to show her appreciation in a stunning display of agility. 

Frohike who had been following the conversation with interest chipped in at this point, "Yeah, Monica is a real little new age tramp. It seems she's slept with everyone. I wonder. . . you don't suppose that there was more than one Monica in the Oval Office do you?" 

* * *

**PART 56**

Over on the living room sofa, Ta2Betty, TeeJay and GoScully were raising their glasses of Skinneritas in a toast, "Here's to Wench Mausie." TeeJay exclaimed. "Upstairs enjoying her first session with the Man." 

"Ah, I remember my first time," Ta2Betty sighed. "Three years ago. What a special event that was. Of course, it's only gotten better with time," she said with a wink. 

"Speaking of Wench Mausie, here she comes," GoScully commented as she saw Mausie descend the stairs, "Looking for us, hon?" 

Mausie came over to the couch, walking with a slightly spraddle legged gait that caused the three senior wenches to smile knowingly. They could see the light in her eyes that every Wench carries after her induction with the Surly Pectoral God. "Ah, Mausie, how does it feel to be a fully inducted Wench?" TeeJay asked. 

Mausie sighed with pleasure and shook herself a little, "All I can say is ... even in my dreams I never could have imagined what a man he is." 

"I know," Ta2Betty agreed, putting a sisterly arm around Mausie. "That first time is always an amazing experience." 

"He asked me to send GoScully up next," Mausie said. "He says he wants to start spending time with the Top Wenches." 

"Hot damn, I've been waiting for this." GoScully exclaimed and she jumped off the couch. "Ladies, I'll see you later." 

Ta2Betty watched fondly as GoScully sauntered up the stairs, stopping for a moment to pick up a bag she had hidden by the staircase. "Ah, her patience is about to be rewarded," she exclaimed, then turned her attention back to Mausie. 

"Now Mausie, it's time to introduce you to the liquid pleasure known as the Skinnerita." 

Mausie accepted her Skinnerita from Ta2Betty with a grateful smile. "Thank you so much, I really need this," she commented. "I've worked up quite a thirst." 

"I'm sure you have," TeeJay replied as Ta2Betty refilled her glass. "Now what shall we toast to?" 

"I think we should toast GoScully," Mausie said as she lifted her glass. "May the Piece of Skinner be in her." 

"Perfect," Ta2Betty replied. "To GoScully." 

"May the Piece of Skinner be in her," TeeJay intoned. "And may it soon be in all of us." 

"Amen, Sister!" Ta2Betty echoed as they raised their glasses and drank, their eyes sparkling mischievously as they imagined what was going on in the upstairs bedroom. 

* * *

**PART 57**

Outside the upstairs bedroom, GoScully sauntered over to the closed door and rapped on it, not timidly, but sharply and with confidence. The well-loved, sexy voice intoned, "Come in." GoScully opened the door and slowly entered the bedroom, using her slowest, sexiest strut as she crossed the threshold, closing the door behind her. 

The object of her desire was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, beads of water dropping from his manly, well-formed head and his deep, strong chest. A towel was wrapped around his midsection, but as she strutted into the bedroom, giving her hips a little extra swing she was pleased to see some movement underneath, indicating that she was definitely having an effect. "I heard you were ready to see me," she breathed. 

Skinner smiled at her. "I'm sorry I made you wait, GoScully," he said as he walked towards her. "But I wanted to make sure I got the new Wenches properly inducted. Besides you Senior Wenches do take a lot out of a man." 

"Well, I must admit it was tough to wait," GoScully said just a little petulantly. "But I know you have your duties towards the new Wenches and I've learned to be patient. I just wonder ..." 

"Wonder what?" Skinner asked, coming closer. 

"Well, you did suffer a miserable fate being turned into a chipmunk and all." GoScully came closer so that she was standing right in front of him and ran her hands along his shoulders, tracing down his arms and letting her fingers play over his chest. "And you are in sort of a recovery stage ..." 

"Yesssssss" Skinner said softly, wrapping his own arms around GoScully's waist, holding her loosely. "And?" 

"Well ..." GoScully pouted prettily, continuing to play with the hairs on Skinner's chest, allowing her hands to drift down to the rock hard stomach. "I can't help but wonder if you're too tired to have to deal with me. I wouldn't want to jeopardize your recovery." 

Skinner laughed softly and pulled GoScully closer, so that their bodies were pressed together, "I think you can tell that I'm more than ready to deal with you, my dear," he laughed. 

Feeling the evidence of his apparent recovery, GoScully's face was lit with a wicked smile. "Oh my, I'd say you definitely are," she murmured. "I can see that this is going to be well worth the wait." 

"Isn't it always?" Skinner laughed as he nuzzled her neck. "And since you've been so patient, this time we'll play things your way. So, GoScully, how shall we start?" 

With some difficulty, GoScully pulled away from Skinner and picked up the bag she had tossed on the bed. "Well, since you asked ..." she giggled, reaching into the bag and pulling out a pair of white bellbottoms, a striped shirt, and a sailor's hat. 

Upon seeing the garments in her hands, Skinner's eyes began to dance with a wicked light. "Don't tell me ... let me guess. You want me to play the horny sailor." 

"Got it in one, " GoScully laughed, tossing the garments to Skinner, which he caught effortlessly. "You'll be the horny sailor and I'll be your eager Wench." 

Skinner grinned back at her, "Okay, me proud Beauty," he said with an exaggerated accent. "Give me a moment to get into these clothes and then we can get started." 

As Skinner shut the door to the bathroom, GoScully put the bag back on the bed and reached into it, pulling out another garment. A mischievous smile filled with anticipation of what the next hour (or more) would bring crossed her face as she laid the garment onto the bed and began to remove her toga. 

The door from the bathroom opened and Skinner emerged, the very picture of a very tall, very athletic sailor-man (no way could he be called sailor-BOY), his body beautifully set off by the tight white bell-bottom pants and the equally tight striped shirt. A jaunty sailor's hat tilted at a rakish angle from his head. "Ahoy, me darlin'" he called. "I'm home from a long voyage and I need me some lovin'!" 

GoScully turned from the CD player where she had inserted the CD to face her seaman. She had changed from her toga into a very tight red satin dress cut low in the front and high on the leg, fitting snugly to show the proud bosom, supple waist and curvy hips. At the sight of Skinner, her eyes sparkled and her red lips smiled invitingly. "So I see, Walter," she breathed. 

Skinner stopped for a moment at the sight and then advanced towards GoScully, the expression on his face one of desire mixed with awe and admiration. "Damn, GoScully," he murmured as he drew closer to her. "Where did you find that dress?" 

"I did a little shopping around," GoScully replied, moving even closer to Skinner so that he could smell the fragrance of her perfume. "I figured that my toga simply didn't fit the theme. I take it you like?" 

"Yes, I like," Skinner replied as his arms encircled GoScully and pulled her close. 

Her own arms wrapped around him as his lips sought hers and finding them, took hold in a deep, passionate kiss that practically drew the breath out of both of them. When they broke the kiss, she stepped back slightly, just enough to see the effect that the contact had upon him. "My, my," she murmured, reaching up with her hand and knocking the sailor's cap off Skinner's head, her fingers massaging and caressing the large, proud, glistening dome. "I can see that you definitely are in need of a little loving attention, Walter. Such a long voyage you're had with no woman to give you what you need." 

Skinner sighed with pleasure at the touch of her fingers upon this particular erogenous zone. "Aye, it was a long voyage," he agreed. "And I sorely missed you and your sweet lovin' me beauty!" 

"Now Walter," GoScully leaned up and whispered into his ear, punctuating her words with soft touches of her lips against the strong, beautifully molded appendage "I know what kind of life you sailors lead. Do you honestly expect me to believe that you've done without a woman throughout your entire voyage?" 

Skinner's hands softly caressed GoScully's neck and ran down along her bare shoulders, lightly brushing against the front of her dress. "I'll not lie to you, there have been others," he told her, bending to lay a kiss upon soft white skin of her shoulder. "But none of them could give me what you can." 

GoScully pouted prettily as she ran her own hands down across Skinner's arms ... his shoulders ... coming to rest upon the hem of the tight striped shirt. "You're just saying that to make me feel better," she said, giving the shirt a pull. "You don't really mean it." 

Skinner took the hint and reluctantly pulled his hands away from GoScully so that he could remove his shirt, lifting it up and over his head. Then he pulled GoScully close again, bending over to nuzzle her neck, gently nibbling on the soft skin. "I do mean it," he murmured. "Every woman is special but no one comes close to you, or to making me feel the way that you make me feel." 

GoScully sighed in his embrace, her head bending and twisting to give him greater access to her neck ... shoulders ... chest. "Ah Walter ," she whispered. "I want to believe that." 

"Believe me," he breathed into her ear, running his tongue along the outside of its delicate shell. "It meant the world to me to know that you were here waiting for me ... my faithful Wench GoScully ... waiting just for me." 

GoScully pulled back slightly and looked up into Skinner's face, reaching up with her hand and while she smiled sweetly there was a gleam of mischief in her eyes. "Ah Walter," she said softly. "Did I say that I was faithful?" 

There was a crash as the bedroom door flew open. Doggett burst in wearing his pirate outfit. "Crap!" he said. "Wrong room!" 

GoScully looked over at Doggett and a look of sheer panic crossed her face, 

"John ... wha ...what are you doing here?" she exclaimed. 

"Wait a minute," Doggett exclaimed. "This IS the right room. But ... GoScully ... what is HE doing here?" and Doggett gestured to Skinner. 

Skinner looked from GoScully to Doggett in stunned disbelief. "No," he whispered, growing pale. "This doesn't mean ... you don't ..." 

"J-John ... Walter ... oh, this is a terrible mix-up!" GoScully declared, alternately paling and flushing in turn, her bosom heaving with repressed emotion. 

"Whaddya mean mix-up?" Doggett declared, his blue eyes now blazing fiercely as he strode forward and grasped GoScully by the wrist. "You made a date with me, you know that you did!" 

"You're telling me that you were unfaithful to ME," Skinner shouted. The fires of white-hot anger burned in his eyes ... his hands trembled, his face and even the top of his glorious bald head flushed as he tried to contain his emotions. "GoScully ... you were unfaithful to me ... with JOHN DOGGETT?!!!" 

GoScully began to shake nervously. "Walter ... please ... you were gone for so long," she whispered. "And I just knew you were with other women ... what on earth could I do?" 

"Yeah, what did you expect a beauty like GoScully to do, anyway?" Doggett declared. "She's too special and too sexy a gal to waste her time waiting for you, even if you are some big hot shot surly god with pecs." 

Doggett slipped her arm around GoScully's waist and pulled her next to him. That was enough for Skinner. He strode forward and, grabbing GoScully's wrist, forcibly yanked her from Doggett's grasp, the strength of his hands causing her dress to tear. GoScully went spinning across the room, catching herself by the bedpost, which she grasped in order to regain her balance. 

Meanwhile, Skinner had gripped Doggett by the collar of his pirate shirt. "You miserable, skinny little dog-eared punk," he snarled. "You keep your hands and the rest of yourself away from my woman." 

With those words, Skinner hauled (there's just no other word for it!) Doggett by the shirt and propelled him to the door. With one swift movement, he threw the younger man out the door of the bedroom and into the hall. "The next time I see you come anywhere near GoScully I'll whip your ass with the cat o-nine tails and then keel-haul you," he shouted before he slammed the door. 

Doggett paused at the head of the stairs to catch his breath and adjust his clothing before he slipped into his own bedroom and changed back into his regular clothes. He then went downstairs and wandered over to where Ta2Betty and TeeJay were sitting sipping Skinneritas and regaling each other with stories of their last encounters with the Man. "All finished, John?" TeeJay asked. 

"Mission accomplished," Doggett replied with a wink. 

"Wonderful," Ta2Betty laughed. "I'm sure GoScully will be MOST appreciative." 

"Sit down here, John." TeeJay suggested, patting the space on the sofa between herself and TeeJay. "Join us for a Skinnerita, okay?" 

How could Doggett resist such an opportune invitation? Why, the seat seemed to fairly beckon to him. "My pleasure, ladies," he replied, settling himself in comfortably and accepting a glass from Ta2Betty's lovely hand. He raised the glass, "To A.D.Skinner and GoScully ... hope we got 'em launched just right!" 

Meanwhile, Skinner found himself looking at the back of a trembling and shaking GoScully. He was breathing heavily and was sweating from his exertion. "GoScully ... look at me!" he said in a voice that, although pitched low was nonetheless filled with raw emotion. 

GoScully slowly turned to face him, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably, her head bent to the ground. Slowly she raised it and he saw her lips trembling. Then, all at once, they parted and she let out the largest peel of laughter he had ever heard. Skinner broke into a big grin and held out his arms to her, laughing himself. GoScully ran to him and threw her arms around him, laughing all the while, "Oh Walter, you were magnificent!" 

Skinner hugged her close to him, her head pressed tightly against his still heaving, sweaty chest. "I have to tell you that's one of the best ones that you've ever staged," he declared. "How did you ever get John Doggett to agree ... I would never have figured he'd be involved in a game like this." 

"Oh, you'd be amazed at what a well-timed smile and sweetly asked request will do," GoScully replied, lightly running her fingers up Skinner's chest and across his shoulders. "That plus the hint that he would be greatly pleasing one of his superiors at the FBI by playing along. You know how ambitious he is." 

"Very true," Skinner agreed, his own hands playing with GoScully's hair, running down her neck and shoulders. "He'd do just about anything to get ahead ... as long as it isn't unethical." 

"And this was not unethical at all," GoScully cooed as her fingers played down along his chest and abdomen, lightly brushing the front of his pants. She smiled wickedly as she became aware of his reaction and stepped back to survey her handiwork. "And now that the sailor and his Wench have quarreled I do think it's time we made up properly. After all, we can't let all this passion go to waste." 

"Oh, I most definitely agree," Skinner nodded. 

"In that case, Walter, aren't you getting just a little uncomfortable in those pants," GoScully asked, batting her eyes at him seductively. 

Skinner shifted slightly and a slow, devilish grin spread over his face. "I will admit that they are feeling just a little restricting," he agreed. 

"Well then, why don't you take them off?" GoScully asked. 

"After you, my dear," Skinner replied, stepping forward and in one swift movement he completed the work he had already started, completely ripping the dress from her body. GoScully stood proudly before him dressed only in nature's own (in a dress as tight as she was wearing undergarments just weren't going to work!). He eyed her hungrily for a moment and then pulled her close to him, his mouth seeking hers. Their lips met and they clung together in a long, drawn out, earth-shattering kiss. 

Naturally, that kiss had the effect of making those tight sailor's pants the source of considerable discomfort for Skinner. GoScully was very much aware of this and as her mouth devoured his, her hands were busy with the belt buckle and the buttons of the pants. By the time they both needed air, she had worked his pants down over his hips and he was able to step free of them and kick them aside. Laughing eagerly, GoScully gracefully eased herself onto the bed, pulling Skinner down with her. Still locked in each other's embrace, they resumed their kiss, their hands busy seeking and finding. Then GoScully remembered something and broke away. "Wait ..." she gasped. "I forgot something!" 

"What?" Skinner panted, his chest heaving and his eyes glazed with passion. 

"This," GoScully replied, reaching for the remote to the CD player that she had carefully placed on the bedside table. She pressed the button and instantly the room was filled with the sounds of Bobby Darin's immortal Beyond the Sea. "I brought a special CD filled with some appropriately nautical mood music." 

"GoScully, you think of everything." Skinner laughed as he pulled himself up on top of her and looked down at her smiling face. 

"Let's just say that I try," GoScully replied happily, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him back down towards her. "Now where did we leave off?" 

"I think I remember," Skinner replied as once again, his mouth sought hers and he drank in the warm wine of her soft lips. Soon, they were lost in a rolling, tossing wave of music, passion and pleasure. 

* * *

**PART 58**

Mulder and Scully walked back into the Doggett house to be greeted by the sounds of a mournful Monica Reyes singing the immortal "It's My Party" backed up by Alvin on drums, Langly on keyboard and Mork on guitar (hey, don't ask me where those extra instruments came from ... this is an X-Files snarkfic and you shouldn't expect continuity since you didn't get that in the original series!). As she howled the chorus "I'll cry if I want to, you would cry to if it happened to you," Mulder and Scully gave each other knowing glances. "What do you think?" Mulder asked. 

"My guess is that she's still upset about Doggett's little rendezvous with Poochespup," Scully replied. "After all, he didn't have the same excuse for his infidelity that you had for yours." 

"True, Scully," Mulder smirked. "And obviously Agent Reyes doesn't have your understanding nature, either." 

"I see Agent Doggett over there with those two wenches," Scully commented, "And he seems quite comfortable from what I can see." 

Mulder's eyes followed hers to the couch where Doggett was sitting, happily ensconced between TeeJay and Ta2Betty, talking animatedly with a big, goofy grin stretching his thin albeit sexy lips. "Oh yeah," Mulder replied with a goofy grin of his own. "Hard to believe that's hard-ass, button-down John Jay Doggett over there." 

"Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone and Poochie left the same tiiiimmmmeeee," Reyes wailed. "Why was he holding her hand when he's supposed to be miiiiiiinnnnneeee!" 

"Ouch!" Mulder winced. 

"Well, that was hardly very subtle," Scully commented acerbically. 

"Let's face it, subtlety is NOT Agent Reyes' forte," Mulder commented. 

"Well in all honesty subtlety would be lost on Agent Doggett anyway," Scully replied wickedly. 

"Hoo, Scully, that was a wicked one," Mulder said admiringly. "I don't think you've gotten off a one-liner as good as that since before I left on that little alien vacation of mine." 

"I know," Scully replied wonderingly, "I'm beginning to think that as I gained weight with the baby I lost brain cells." 

Mulder shrugged as Reyes continued to wail "Poochie and Johnny just walked through the dooo-ooor, like a Queeeeeeennn with herrrrrr K-iii-nnng. Oh what a rotten surprise .... Pooochie 's wearin' his ring." 

"Listen, she's almost done butchering that song," Scully whispered to Mulder. "Tell you what, when she's finished, I'll take her into the kitchen for a little girl talk, okay? And then maybe you can have a word with Agent Doggett over there." 

"Aww, come on Scully," Mulder pouted, sticking his full lower lip out stubbornly, "I don't wanna do relationship counseling on John-Boy. I want to go upstairs and show you that special lesson I learned earlier." 

Although Scully remained determined her eyes twinkled, "Oh believe me, we'll get around to that," she told him with a mischievous little wink. "But they are our co-workers and we need to give them a hand since we are the senior, smarter, more knowledgeable agents." 

As Reyes hit another high note Scully and Mulder both winced, "Besides, could we really enjoy each other listening to that caterwauling?" Scully asked. 

"Why Scully, you amaze me, you do have a selfish side," Mulder said admiringly. 

"Remember the old song that goes 'God's wisdom teaches me when I help others I'm really helping myself,' Mulder." Scully replied. "She's finishing right now. Let me go get her before she starts another one. You take care of Agent Doggett." 

"You're on," Mulder replied. "Meet you when we get through with Relationship Counseling 101." 

Reyes reached for her brandy glass and held it up in salute to her "back-up" band, "That wash chest great, guys," she slurred. "You guys are the best ... Lemme see now ... what song should we do next?" 

Just as Reyes was raising her glass to her lips, a feminine hand shot out and grabbed it from her, "Hey!" Reyes exclaimed, turning around and finding herself looking down (hey, she IS taller, y'know) into Scully's blue eyes. 

"No more for you right know, Agent Reyes," Scully told her, giving the brandy glass to Alvin (who promptly gulped it down, glass and all!). "I think it's time for you to take a break." 

"But I don' wanna take a break," Reyes whined pitifully. 

"Yeah, but we do, Monica," Langly told her. "I've been playing for a couple hours now without a break. My fingers are raw and I need a bathroom break and a drink ... in that order!" 

"Come on, Monica," Scully said, grabbing Reyes arm. "Let's give the band a break and go have a little talk, just you and me." 

"Jus' you an me?" Reyes squeaked, staggering slightly as Scully began to propel her forward. 

"Just you and me, Monica," Scully replied reassuringly, steering Reyes in the direction of the kitchen. 

"Aw ... thash nice," Reyes replied, somewhat shakily, "Jus a li'l girl talk." 

"Uh huh, Monica," Scully answered as they made their way through the kitchen doors. "Just a little girl talk." 

* * *

**PART 59**

Langly got up from the keyboards, "Uh, I'll be back guys but right now ... uh ..." 

"Down the hall," Alvin said, pointing in the direction of the powder room. "Oh ...and there's Glade under the sink." 

Langly shot him a grateful look and disappeared down the hall. Alvin turned to Mork "Well, looks like we have a few minutes to ourselves, doesn't it." 

"Yeah, it does," Mork replied. "Listen ... Alvin ... we need to talk privately somewhere." 

"I was thinking the same thing," Alvin replied. "Listen, I scoped this place out before I got here with the chipmunk army ... this Doggett is such a neat freak that his attic is in perfect shape. Clean ... everything in its place ...and there's even a rollaway bed tucked away up there. We could shoot on up there and no one could find us." 

Mork grinned happily. "Sounds like exactly what I had in mind," he said, clapping Alvin on his furry shoulder. "Show me the way." 

Meanwhile, Mulder wandered over to the couch where Doggett was sitting with one arm around TeeJay and his other hand resting on Ta2Betty's knee. "So as I was saying, there was Agent Scully with this huge slug-thing crawling up her spine pleading with me to cut the damn thing out," Doggett was relating enthusiastically. "We had this group of mad cult followers banging on the bus door when ..." 

"Uh, excuse me ladies ... Agent Doggett ..." Mulder interrupted. 

"Ah, Agent Mulder, delighted that you are joining us," TeeJay said graciously. 

"Hey there, Mulder, I was just telling the ladies about some of those damn strange X-Files cases I worked with Agent Scully," Doggett exclaimed. "Did she ever tell you about the time she ditched me and I had to save her from this slug-worshipping cult." 

"No, you did ... about 20 times," Mulder replied. "Most recently last week in Delancey's Bar." 

"Well I've had to sit through your re-telling of how you saved Agent Scully and saw that bleeping alien ship in the Antarctic at least that many times," Doggett replied. 

"It sounds as though your work is quite adventurous," Ta2Betty said with a smile as she carefully removed Doggett's hand from her knee. 

"Yes it is," Mulder answered. "Uh ... I hate to interrupt but I need a few minutes alone with Agent Doggett." 

"Oh, that's quite all right," both wenches replied in unison. "We understand completely." 

"Uh, John ... why don't we step out into the garage," Mulder said as he hauled Doggett to his feet. "There's something important I need to discuss with you." 

As the two men headed out of the living room, Ta2Betty turned to TeeJay, "What do you think that was all about?" 

"How the bleep should I know?" TeeJay replied, and both Wenches dissolved into helpless laughter. 

* * *

**PART 60**

Scully propelled Reyes into the kitchen and pushed her into one of the kitchen chairs. "Okay, Monica," she said sternly. "Just what do you think you're doing out there?" 

"I dunno wha' you mean," Reyes slurred. 

"Oh yes you do," Scully replied, sitting down in the chair next to her. "What's with all this drinking and singing and all that stuff." 

"I'm jus' havin' a lil fun!" Reyes replied, "Affer all ... evvybody else is." 

"You don't look like you're having too much fun to me," Scully told her, "Come on Monica, open up. It's about John Doggett, isn't it?" 

Reyes looked at Scully and saw the sympathy and compassion in those blue eyes. 

Reyes' dark eyes began to well up with tears. Her lower lip trembled, "Oh Dana," she finally burst out. "I dunno wha' to do," and she put her head down on the table and began to sob loudly. 

Scully patted Reyes softly on the shoulder. "I know, Monica," she said slowly. "It really bothered you seeing him with Poochespup, didn't it?" 

"Of course it did," Reyes sobbed. "I mean .. I know I'm suppose ta believe in free luv and I do ... honest I do ..." 

"I know you do, Monica," Scully said softly, remembering the previous weekend with Reyes and Skinner. 

"I know you know," Reyes cried. "N normally it wouldn't bother me to see John with someone else ... but ... but ..." 

"But what?" Scully queried. 

"But he left my bed and jumped right into the kip with her," Reyes wailed. She lifted her tear-stained face and Scully could see the pain and humiliation in her eyes. "She took him away from me!" and with a loud sob she threw herself into Scully's arms. 

Now while Scully was very comfortable with weeping and turning on the waterworks and throwing herself into Mulder's arms in tearful fits, she was not terribly fond of others doing the same to her. However, this was a fellow agent and her best friend (okay, her only friend) so she did what she knew was expected of her. She allowed her arms to encircle Reyes (loosely) and rolled her eyes as Reyes sobbed onto her shoulder, gently patting her back. "I know, Monica," Scully said in as comforting a voice as she could muster. "I know it's hard to watch someone you love turning to someone else." 

Reyes hiccupped briefly, "Love," she sobbed. "Who said anything about love? 

What's love got to do with it?" 

As Reyes continued to sniffle against her shoulder, Scully began to sing "You'll Never Walk Alone" very softly. 

Reyes winced slightly as the sound of Scully's voice reached her ears. Her wince became even more noticeable as Scully continued the song and tried to hit the high note, her voice becoming unbearably shrill. Reyes pulled back from Scully's slack embrace, "Uh ... Dana ..." 

"Yes, Monica," Scully asked softly. 

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, but you're making the Jerry Lewis version of that song sound like a masterpiece." 

Scully stopped singing and her face instantly became the face she always showed to the world ... cold, reserved, the Ice Queen. "I was only trying to help, Agent Reyes," she said icily. 

"Oh, I know Dana," Reyes replied, tears returning to her eyes. "It's just that you're much better listening and counseling than you are singing." 

"Any way, we were talking about how hard it is to watch someone you love turn to someone else," Scully said coldly. "And you said ..." 

"I said what's love got to do with it," Reyes repeated. "Dana, you don't understand. I don't love John Doggett." 

Scully's eyes widened with astonishment. "You don't?" 

"Of course not," Reyes replied. "How could I possibly be in love with him? I mean, apart from the age difference he's such a narrow-minded, unimaginative, straight arrow of a guy. He knows nothing about feelings and intuitions and psychic phenomena and he's downright boring." 

"I don't understand then, Monica," Scully's face was a mask of puzzlement. "You've always seemed attracted to him." 

"Physically yes," Reyes replied. "After all, he IS a fine-looking man. And when it comes to action in the bedroom ... well ... he does know how to satisfy a woman." 

Scully couldn't help but notice Reyes slight smile at those remarks and filed them away for future reference. After all, she was not immune to the charms of Doggett's blue eyes, his well-put together physique or the nice, tight butt she had seen through the back of his hospital gown back when they had first started working together. If Mulder's recent claims of a cure in the "quick draw" department proved to be premature, Doggett might be able to provide her with more than adequate relief. Still, now was not the time to dwell on such matters. "Monica, if you're not in love with him then why are you so upset?" 

"Why am I so upset," Reyes echoed. "Come on, Dana. I'm not an Ice Queen like you, content to get laid once in a blue moon. I'm a healthy, happy sexually active woman. And I take great pride in being sexually attractive and damn near irresistible to all of the men I've come in contact with. I've always been able to get ... and keep ... any man I want. And now in one short evening two of MY men ... John Doggett and Brad Follmer ... are ignoring ME and making out with other women. Can you imagine what that's doing to my pride?" 

"I have to admit I hadn't thought of it that way," Scully said as she allowed her mind to take in the possibilities (namely, that Monica Reyes was an FBI slut). "But you know, Monica, you aren't helping things with your behavior. You're making everyone think that you are brokenhearted because you love Agent Doggett. Getting drunk and singing torch songs is no way to salvage your pride." 

Reyes thought about what Scully was saying for a moment, the effort it was taking to follow Scully's logic causing her brow to furrow and beads of sweat to pop out on her forehead. "I never thought of that," she whispered. "I've made a real fool of myself, haven't I?" 

"You certainly have," Scully replied coolly. "Instead of weeping and wailing you need to show a little backbone ... get a little kick-ass." 

"B...bbbut how?" Reyes asked in the shrill tone of a demanding child. 

"There's a room full of men out there," Scully replied. "You can show Agent Doggett and everybody else that it doesn't matter to you if he's with someone else because you can have any man you want." 

Reyes hiccupped again and dabbed at her wet eyes with a napkin. "I never thought of that," she whispered. 

"Sure ... take you pick," Scully continued. "There's a bunch of cabana boys out there ... the Gunmen ... the Smoking Man." 

"Uh ... no way Dana," Reyes interrupted her. "I believe in free love, but I don't do walking corpses." 

"Well, I'm glad to see you have SOME standards," Scully snarked. 

"Of course I do," Reyes replied. "Despite what you might think I'm not a TOTAL slut." 

"I never said anything about your morals," Scully retorted. 

"Anyway, I think you're right, Dana." Reyes said, her eyes beginning to sparkle and the faint trace of a smile beginning to curve her lips. "I have been doing this the wrong way. There's a roomful of men out there and I should go ahead and show them and John and the world that Monica Reyes IS the sexiest FBI agent in the city." 

You're the second or third sexiest sweetie, Scully thought to herself. Agent Fowley thinks she is but everyone knows that the only FBI Goddess around here is ME. However, she arranged her features into an expression of approbation of Reyes' change in attitude. "Exactly, Monica," she said approvingly, leaning forward and patting her hand. "Go out there and show them all what you're made of." 

"Thank you so much, Dana," Reyes said gratefully. 

Scully smiled softly, causing Reyes to stop for a moment. "Dana ..." 

"What is it, Monica?" Scully asked, lifting one eyebrow quizzically. 

"I know this may sound strange," Reyes said hesitantly, "But you look especially beautiful right now." 

Scully's eyes met Reyes' for a moment and read the open invitation in them. She was also aware that Reyes fingers had twined themselves around her hand. Scully quickly pulled her hand away and stood up abruptly. "Agent Reyes, let's rejoin the others, shall we?" 

Reyes shrugged, "You go on out there, Dana," she told her. "I want to visit the powder room for a minute and freshen up. It's time for me to get ready to go on a manhunt." 

Then Reyes looked over Scully's shoulder and saw Frohike standing in the entrance to the kitchen. 

"How long have you been there?" Reyes demanded. Scully, startled, turned to face Frohike as well. Her blue eyes were huge. 

"I just got here," said Frohike, drawing himself up to his full height of five feet. "I came to tell you that the neighbors called. They said if you didn't stop singing, they were going to call the police. That caterwauling is making their dogs howl. Can't say I blame 'em." 

"Melvin, Agent Reyes and I weren't--" Scully began. 

"Hey, it's none of my business," said Frohike. "They've tried everything else on this show. Carry on." He turned to leave. 

"They're gonna call the police?" Reyes snapped. "We ARE the police! Just wait till I get my cell phone!" 

"I'd be more worried about them calling PETA if I were you," Frohike said. 

* * *

**PART 61**

"Ouch! Damn it, Doggett!" Mulder exclaimed in the darkness. "I can't see a thing in here." 

"Well damn it yourself Mulder, what do you expect?" Doggett's voice cut through the air sharply. "This is a garage after all and ya' didn't give me a chance to grab a flashlight. Hang on just a minute." 

There were the sounds of fumbling in the darkness and then a clicking sound and the over head light snapped on. "There," Doggett said with satisfaction. "Now what was so important that you had to drag me out here." 

Mulder was ruefully rubbing his knee, which had made rather violent contact with Doggett's John Deere in the darkness. "I wanted to talk to you about Agent Reyes," Mulder replied. 

"About Monica?" Doggett questioned, raising his eyebrow. "Why?" 

"Look, I realize that you've been busy with some of the other women so perhaps it's escaped your notice that she's been acting a bit strangely," Mulder said, giving his knee a final rub. 

"With Monica how can you tell?" Doggett asked. 

Mulder shrugged. "Good point. I'll admit that Agent Reyes' behavior can be a bit ... unorthodox ... at times," he answered, seating himself on the comfortable seat of the John Deere mower (and looking thoroughly out of place on it!). "Still, I think that singing torch songs and tossing down a lot of brandy may be a bit out of character even for her." 

Doggett nodded and leaned against his impossibly neat workbench. "Well, not the drinking part. I've seen Monica slurp up a few Long Island Iced Teas on more than one occasion," he commented. "But I'll admit that singing golden oldies isn't typical. She's more into whale songs and New Age chants." 

"So you see what I mean," Mulder replied, resting his hands lightly on the wheel of the power mower. "This is not normal behavior for her. And I notice it started when you made some time with that wench Poochespup." 

"Now hold it right there, Mulder," Doggett growled, his eyes narrowing. "You certainly disappeared pretty damn fast with that Mausie ... and you were sporting a certain something that you didn't have in evidence when you returned so don't you go moral on me about Poochespup." 

"Hey, time out, Big John," Mulder exclaimed, holding his hands up in a gesture of appeasement. "I'm not judging you ... Poochespup is one attractive woman and she certainly had her eye on you. I don't blame you for spending some time with her. And as you pointed out, I did catch a little fouf time with Mausie." 

"So you see what I mean," Doggett replied, slightly mollified by Mulder's words. "So what's this all about?" 

"Look, Doggett, even though I had a little extracurricular activity with Mausie I went right back to Scully when I was through," Mulder answered. "But you've been paying attention to everyone except Monica. What's up with that?" 

Doggett picked up a screwdriver from the workbench and fumbled with it uncomfortably, fixing his eyes upon it intently. "You went back to Scully because you love her, right?" he asked. 

"Right," Mulder replied. "I didn't want her to think or feel otherwise. And that is what you should have done with Monica." 

"No, it's not," Doggett murmured. 

"I don't get this, Doggett," Mulder said, his face showing his confusion. "If you love her ..." 

"Jesus Christ, Mulder for someone who's such a hotshot genius investigator you sure are slow on the uptake." Doggett exploded. "Let me spell it out for you ... I DO NOT LOVE MONICA REYES!" 

Mulder paused for a moment, his mouth open in astonishment at Doggett's revelation. "But ... I thought ..." he began. 

"Listen Mulder, just because you fall like a ton of bricks for all of your partners doesn't mean that EVERY agent does the same thing," Doggett shot at him. 

"Where did THAT come from?" Mulder asked quickly. 

"Aw, c'mon Mulder," Doggett sneered. "I TOLD you I read all the files ... including your little secret notes. I know about Phoebe Green ... about Diana Fowley ..." 

"Okay, okay," Mulder interrupted hastily. "I guess there is a bit of a pattern there. But what I'm feeling for Scully goes way beyond any of that." 

"Yeah, I know that," Doggett replied. "I could see that when we were at the hospital before the kid was born. Just like I know she's crazy about you. I may not say much, but I see a hell of a lot." 

"But I thought you felt the same way about Monica," Mulder said, his eyes wide with confusion. 

Doggett shook his head, "Nah ... and I never did. Monica and I are friends but that's as far as it goes. I care about her, sure! But I could never be in love with her. We're just too different." 

"I ... uh ... I guess I'm surprised about this," Mulder dismounted from the power mower and walked over to the workbench where Doggett stood. "I really thought you two had something going there." 

"Depends on what you mean by something," Doggett replied. "Look, we work well together when we're not at each other's throats over her weird theories. We're friends who share a history. And when we're in the mood, we make love together. That's our relationship." 

"Wait a minute," Mulder exclaimed, "Are you telling me that you have sex with Monica Reyes." 

Doggett moved away from the work bench and picked up a baseball, tossing it into the air and catching it as it came down. "Sure," he replied nonchalantly. "Not all the time and not exclusively ... just when we're in the mood for it. After all, having sex with someone you know is a good way to avoid all those nasty STDs going around." 

Mulder's jaw clenched and his eyes began to blaze with anger. "I do not believe I am hearing this," he said in his usual totally uncharged monotone. "You make love to her when you aren't in love with her? Decent honorable John Doggett is using a woman for a sex toy?" 

"Sure, what's the big deal, Mulder?" Doggett was honestly puzzled by his reaction. "We're normal, healthy adults. Monica is attractive plus she's a wild woman in the bedroom. And I get no complaints from her or from anybody else about my ability to provide satisfaction." 

"You are using a woman who loves you, John," Mulder exclaimed in a slightly raised voice. "You don't see anything wrong with that?" 

Doggett grinned and then burst into laughter, "Holy crap, Mulder, so THAT's what's bothering you," he whooped. "Let me let you in on a little secret ... Monica Reyes is not in love with me, anymore than I'm in love with her. Hell, besides me she's been doing Brad Follmer, Charlie Scully, the Polish sausage vendor on M Street ..." 

Mulder's jaw dropped and he sat back down on the John Deere, suddenly feeling very foolish. "You're kidding," he muttered. "Then what was all that about in there?" 

"Dollars to doughnuts her pride took a bruising," Doggett replied and for the first time he did look a little shame-faced. "Truth is she's kinda got a right. I did make time with Poochespup right after we'd made it. And I wasn't paying her any attention. Monica likes attention ... that's why she pulls some of those dumb stunts like singing whale songs or popping out with weird theories in the middle of staff meetings." 

"Or wearing tight leather outfits," Mulder chimed in. 

"Right," Doggett agreed, tossing the baseball into a milk crate. "I suppose I should go back inside and give her a little attention. After all, she did save me from a life as a giant chipmunk." 

"Good idea, John," Mulder said approvingly. "Uh ... hey, before we go can I ask a favor?" 

"Whaddya need?" Doggett asked. 

Mulder ran his hand lovingly along the steering wheel of the John Deere "Next time your lawn needs cutting, can I come over and drive the mower?" 

"Weelllllll... I dunno ...." Doggett drawled. 

"Aw, pleaasseeee!" 

Doggett looked at Mulder's face, alight with the same boyish enthusiasm he had displayed when he had been discussing his conspiracy theories on that oil rig and he simply couldn't refuse. "Well, I guess so," he said grudgingly. "But you're gonna have to rake up the clippings and trim the hedges, too." 

"Deal!" Mulder exclaimed as Doggett switched off the garage light, leaving the men in darkness once more. 

* * *

**PART 62**

Back inside the Doggett house, Langly returned to the living room and looked around, realizing that his lead singer and the rest of his backup trio had deserted him. He glanced swiftly around the room and his eyes fell upon CSM and Diana Fowley still standing at the window. He wandered over to where they stood, "Hey there, what's happening?" 

"Well, your little runty friend seems to have taken a break in the action," Fowley explained. However, Grandma and Golden Boy are still making things happen out in the hot tub." 

Langly took a look outside and blushed to the roots of his stringy yellow hair. 

"Geez, how long can they keep it up?" 

"As long as HE can keep IT up," Fowley replied. 

Langly shrugged and turned away from the window to see his buddy Frohike emerge from the kitchen and he wandered over to meet him, "Hey what have you been up to?" 

"Oh, just a little action out there in the hot tub," Frohike replied. "Listen, Agent Dog-face has got one hot-to-trot-pair of neighbors. Why don't you come out and join the party?" 

"Eh ... I can't," Langly answered. "I only got about a 15 minute break and then I have to get back to work on the keyboards." 

"Well, do us all a favor and keep Reyes away from singing the whale songs, okay?" Frohike pleaded. "It kinda blows the mood. And keep Screechin' Scully from singing anything at all." 

"Will do, Frohike," Langly agreed. "Get back out there and show them your kung fu is best." 

"Right on!" Frohike replied and headed back out the door and off to the hot tub. 

As Frohike left, GoScully came down the stairs and sauntered over to the couch where Ta2Betty and TeeJay were seated. "Hello, my Wenchly sisters," she greeted them. 

"Well hello yourself," TeeJay greeted her. "And I take it you had a successful session with His Surliness." 

"I most certainly did," GoScully sighed. "Times like these make me wonder what I see in other men ... not one of them can live up to the Man." 

"I'll drink a Skinnerita to that," Ta2Betty smiled, raising her glass. 

"Oh, Ta2, he wants you to go upstairs now," GoScully said as she poured herself a Skinnerita. "He said something about being ready for dessert." 

Ta2Betty smiled happily as she set her glass down on the coffee table and rose gracefully from the couch. "Ah ... perfect," she laughed. "I had a feeling his sweet tooth might be acting up. It's a good thing I brought along some supplies. I just have to step into the kitchen for a few minutes and then I'll head on upstairs." 

"Take your time," GoScully called after her as she moved off in the direction of the kitchen. "He might want a little breather after our session." 

As Ta2Betty approached the kitchen she passed Scully and Reyes leaving. "Well hello there, ladies," she greeted them with a smile. "I hope you had a nice little tte--tte in the kitchen." 

Scully whirled around, her blue eyes wide with suspicion, "What do you mean by that," she asked sharply. 

"Why, just that I hoped you both enjoyed your talk," Ta2Betty replied. "It seemed to everyone that you both needed some time alone." 

Reyes paled slightly, "Just what are you implying," she demanded. 

Ta2Betty looked at both of the agents in some confusion. "I'm not implying anything," she answered. "I'm just telling you that it was clear to me and to others that you both needed to spend some time together." 

"We were just talking, okay?" Scully snapped, grabbing Reyes' wrist and pulling her along. 

"Do you think that little weasel said anything," Reyes whispered to Scully. 

"If he did I'm gonna kick his ass," Scully hissed back. 

Ta2Betty shrugged. "Well, you just can't be friendly to some people, I guess," she murmured to herself. "No matter, more important things to do here. Now let's see ... where's the microwave?" 

* * *

**PART 63**

Doggett and Mulder returned to the living room from the garage at just about the time Scully and Reyes were returning from the kitchen. "Now look Doggett, I said that I'd take care of raking up the clippings and trimming the hedges," Mulder argued. "But I'm not going to agree to whitewash the fence too." 

"Suit yourself," Doggett shrugged. "But if you wanna play around on my John Deere then you have to be ready to do some work, too." 

"Okay, let's talk about this later," Mulder whispered, jabbing Doggett in the sides, "There's Scully and Reyes." 

Scully and Reyes had not failed to notice the two agents walking in side-by-side. "There they are," Scully murmured softly. 

Reyes looked around the room swiftly, "Do you think that pipsqueak Frohike said anything." 

"Not unless he has a death wish," Scully replied. "Besides, I don't see him around here anywhere." 

Langly saw the two women and waved them over, "There you are, Monica," he exclaimed. "Are you ready to start another set?" 

Mulder stepped in and interrupted, "Listen, Langly, why don't you go solo for awhile? Agent Reyes has some other business to attend to." 

"I do?" Reyes asked. 

"Yes, with Agent Doggett," Scully replied, giving Reyes a none-too-gentle shove towards Doggett. "Meanwhile, Agent Mulder and I have some serious consulting of our own to do." 

"Exactly, Agent Scully," Mulder answered with a casual smirk. "And since we need some privacy for this consultation, I think we should go back upstairs to the guest bedroom." 

"Oh, I'm sorry but you can't do that," Ta2Betty interrupted as she emerged from the kitchen carrying a very large covered bowl. "Assistant Director Skinner is still up there. I was just getting ready to join him." 

"Skinner is STILL up there?" Mulder exclaimed. "He's been up there for hours! How is that possible?" 

"Ah, it's possible because he IS the Surly Pectoral God," Ta2Betty replied matter-of-factly. "And now if you'll excuse me, I must get upstairs." 

Mulder and Scully both looked after her, their jaws dropping. "I didn't know one man could last that long," Scully said in disbelief. "I didn't know it was physically possible." 

"Ordinarily it would be enough to give me an inferiority complex," Mulder replied. "However, right now I think I am armed with enough confidence in my abilities ... even if I'm not the Surly Pectoral God ... that I can deal with the thought of Skinner's apparently superior amorous abilities." 

"Really?" Scully queried archly, one eyebrow raised. "Sounds as though there has been some medical breakthrough that you need to share with Dr. Scully." 

"Indeed there is," Mulder replied, a wicked gleam in his eye. "And since the spare bedroom is in use, why don't we take a little trip down to the basement? When Agent Reyes locked us down there earlier I noticed an old Castro convertible that would be perfect for our ... consultation." 

Scully nodded, her own eyes beginning to twinkle. "I am impressed, Mulder," she laughed, "Even as a chipmunk you remained the ultimate professional investigator." 

"Come with me, Agent Scully," Mulder grasped her by the wrist and led her toward the basement stairs. "By the way, I could swear that I smelled chocolate in the bowl Ta2Betty was carrying ..." 

* * *

**PART 64**

Back at hot tub central. . . 

They were all trying to digest Frohike's suggestion of more than one Monica in the Oval Office. "Melvin are you saying that President Clinton and that tramp. . ." Maggie was in high dudgeon again. 

"Now snookums. . ." Brad had only just calmed Maggie down (which, truth be told, he had rather enjoyed). 

"Brad, I'm sorry but the more I hear about that tramp it just makes me so angry. . .uhm honey a little lower and to the right. . .ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .that's the spot." 

Monica's caterwauling could be heard outside and the five hot tubbers winced at the sound. 

Maggie particularly was showing her displeasure. The earlier revelations about Monica's seduction of Maggie's son Charlie was still rankling. She was ready to go rip out Monica's throat. While that would have solved the lack of singing talent problem, Brad knew that bad singing and a penchant for bedding anything male, regardless of sexual preference, while annoying, just wouldn't work as a defense against a charge of murder. 

Mavis and Bea decided a diversion was needed. "Melvin, you sweet man. . ." The sisters were lavishing him with attention and he was lapping it up. "Would you be a dear, oh but you already are a dear man. . ." Mavis giggled coyly. 

"Anything Miss Mavis." Frohike was nothing if not a small, aging gallant. 

"Would you run next door, in the living room, you'll find a little portable stereo. Why don't you bring it back out here. We could use some decent music." 

"Miss Bea, Miss Mavis, your wish is my commend." Frohike surprised everyone, including himself with his agility and speed. Before anyone really knew he'd been gone he was back with the aforementioned portable stereo. 

"Oh Melvin, thank you." Mavis adjusted the volume, hit the play button and music filled the backyard. Before anyone could even say conga, a naked conga line was snaking around the deck. 

* * *

**PART 65**

Upstairs in the house, Ta2Betty knocked on the closed door of the bedroom and heard the well-loved voice call out "Yes, is that you Ta2?" 

"Yes it is," she replied. "I am here and I am bearing gifts." 

The door to the bedroom opened and she saw the face of her beloved Surly Pectoral God beaming at her. "Then by all means, come in Ta2." 

Ta2Betty stepped inside the room that was now lit softly with two hurricane lamps. On the bedside table rested a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket, two glasses and a bowl of assorted strawberries, blackberries, cherries and grapes. 

She turned to Skinner, who stood before her dressed in a tight pair of jeans (which beautifully set off his well-shaped ass-ets in her eyes) with a bright smile, "Walter, you amaze me." 

"Well Ta2, I remembered what I promised you the last time we were together," Skinner replied with a smile of his own. "I did a little reconnaissance earlier and it turns out that our host has a few little secrets stored in the master bedroom ... like a small refrigerator stocked with Perrier, a couple of bottles of champagne and some fruit." 

"Really?" Ta2 responded archly. "How very considerate of Agent Doggett." 

"Yes it is," Skinner answered. "To be honest when I opened it I fully expected to find it filled with Budweiser, string cheese and beef jerky. It seems that Agent Doggett has an unexpectedly classy side. Anyway, I figured that this was a good time for an icebox raid. We only need one more thing to make a perfect dessert." 

"And I have that one more thing right here," Ta2Betty extended the large, covered bowl towards Skinner. He raised the cover and sniffed appreciatively. 

"Perfect," he exclaimed. "Is that Ghirhardelli chocolate?" 

Ta2Betty moved to the bedside table and set the bowl down beside the bowl of fruits. "No ... I decided to go for broke and picked up the ValRhona chocolate," she replied. "After all, I wouldn't want to bring less than the best for you, Walter." 

Skinner came up behind Ta2 and put his arms around her, pulling her close to him. "Now Ta2, I know that with you I never get less than the best." 

Ta2 Betty turned around in Skinner's arms so that she was facing him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Well, love, the best deserves the best," she whispered, drawing his head down until his lips met hers in a deep, passionate, earth-shattering kiss. 

* * *

**PART 66**

Downstairs, GoScully sauntered over to where Doggett and Reyes were standing uncomfortably near each other. "Agent Doggett, I wanted to thank you for your assistance upstairs," she told him. "It helped set everything up beautifully." 

"It was my pleasure, ma'am," Doggett replied politely, although he could not forbear giving her an appreciative smile ... after all she was one hell of a good-looking Wench. "Where is A.D. Skinner, anyway?" 

"Oh, he's still upstairs," GoScully answered, smiling back at Doggett with some admiration. After all, while he wasn't her Surly Pectoral God, she certainly wouldn't kick Doggett out of her bed if he came calling. Those crystal blue eyes, that infectious smile, firm body and those adorable ears were definitely to her liking. "Ta2Betty is with him now." 

"You're kidding me!" Doggett exclaimed. "He's been up there with ... what five or six of you tonight?" 

"Actually, Ta2Betty will be his ninth for the evening," GoScully answered. "And I'm sure he'll want to spend some time with TeeJay before he's finished." 

"That is abso-frickin-lutely unbelievable," Doggett couldn't contain his awe at his superior's staying power and endurance. "How does he do it?" 

"What can I say ... Walter Skinner is a real man," GoScully replied. "And any REAL man can satisfy any number of women ... even us wenches." 

"Are you implying that Agent Doggett isn't a real man?" Reyes asked. 

GoScully surveyed Reyes with a mixture of amusement and sympathy. "Oh, I'm sure that Agent Doggett is every bit a REAL man, dearie," she answered. "And I'm sure that he would be well able to satisfy a number of the Wenches in this room, wouldn't you Agent Doggett," she asked, turning back to him with a suggestive smile. 

Doggett smiled back at her, preening a little under her obvious flattery. "Oh, I'm sure that there wouldn't be many complaints about my abilities," he told her. "There never have been before." 

GoScully moved a little bit closer, and to the dismay of Monica Reyes she reached out and gently touched Doggett on the arm. "Well then Agent Doggett," she spoke in a low, seductive voice, "Maybe we should find ourselves a quiet little corner and discuss this a little further." 

Agent Reyes looked like she was ready to burst a blood vessel or burst into tears (well, let's just say that she looked like she was going to burst) at this obvious maneuver on GoScully's part. And it was clear that John Doggett was sorely tempted to take GoScully up on her implied offer. There she was ... warm and inviting and beautiful and sexy .. everything a man could want in a woman. 

But ... Doggett remembered his conversation with Mulder in the garage. Much as he would have liked to spend some time getting to know GoScully better (much better!) his innate decency asserted itself and he realized that he could not humiliate Monica any further. So he smiled back at GoScully ... a smile tinged with just a touch of regret. "I'm sorry, ma'am," he said gently, "But I need to talk a few things over with my partner here ... in private. I hope you will excuse me." 

GoScully smiled with understanding, "Of course, Agent Doggett," she replied. "I understand completely. Hopefully, I'll see you later," and she moved back off towards the couch where TeeJay was still sitting. 

Doggett turned to Reyes who was practically gasping with astonished relief (or was that relieved astonishment) at his decision. "Monica, close your mouth, will ya?" he asked her. "When you let it hang open like that you look like a beached whale." 

"John, I thought you would go off with her," Reyes replied, her voice shaking. 

"Well, I thought about it but ... I really think we need to spend a little time together, Monica," Doggett replied, gently reaching out and taking her hand. "Listen, why don't we go back upstairs where we can have some privacy." 

Reyes practically melted then and there, all sign of tears gone and her sunny, toothy, I'm-in-love-this-pretty-world smile reasserted itself. "Oh, John," she breathed. "Yes, let's go back upstairs where we can be alone together ... just like Mulder and Dana." Reyes deliberately raised her voice to make sure that Diana Fowley could hear her. And as she and Doggett walked by Fowley and CSM on their way to the staircase, she turned her head and looked back at Fowley. As the two pairs of dark eyes met, Reyes smirked triumphantly and then, with malice aforethought, stuck her tongue out at Fowley before following Doggett up the stairs. 

* * *

**PART 67**

Skinner was reclining comfortably on the floor, using the footboard of the bed as a backrest. His legs were spread wide apart and in their comfortable circle was Ta2Betty, her head resting in his lap. Since they were feeding each other fruit dipped in the melted chocolate both had decided that it made far more sense to remove their clothing (and it would save time later). Ta2Betty smiled up at Skinner as he leaned forward, a dripping chocolate covered cherry in his hand, "Now you just open that pretty little mouth of yours, sweetheart," he cajoled. 

Ta2Betty obliged and Skinner dropped the luscious, chocolate covered fruit into her mouth. He began to remove his hand, but she gripped it, holding it firmly in place over her mouth, "Now just a minute," she cooed. "We can't let all that chocolate on your fingers go to waste." 

Skinner grinned at her, "No, I don't suppose that we can," he agreed. 

Ta2Betty drew his hand down to her mouth and, one at a time, slowly licked his fingers clean. She ran her red tongue up and down and around each finger, finishing off with a long, slow, tantalizing suck that removed the last vestiges of the sweet brown delight from Skinner's large fingers, "Mmmmm..." she purred, "Good to the last drop." 

Skinner paused for a moment to take a sip of champagne and then reached over and dipped a strawberry into the chocolate. Ta2Betty saw the size of the fruit in his fingers and said softly, "Why don't you share this one with me, Walter?" 

"You read my mind, Ta2," Skinner grinned. He placed the fruit between his own lips and then leaned forward. As his face grew closer, Ta2Betty's mouth opened and her teeth parted. As their lips met, each bit down and got an explosion of the rich, dark chocolate and the sweet, juicy fruit flavors in their mouths. They swallowed and Skinner began to pull back but Ta2Betty reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him firmly in place and pulling him back down towards her. "I need a little something to help that fruit go down," she murmured. 

Skinner had no intention of struggling and allowed her to pull his head back down until his lips touched hers. Their mouths parted and they kissed each other hungrily, passionately, enjoying the taste of each other blended with the taste of the chocolate and fruit they had been consuming. Skinner's arms wrapped themselves around Ta2Betty's beautiful body and pulled her closer, his hold growing tighter as his kiss grew deeper. Ta2Betty opened her mouth wider, the better to enjoy the pleasure the kiss was giving her, her own arms tightening around Skinner's neck. At last, they broke the kiss and Skinner sat up, gasping just a little. "Ta2, you are amazing." 

Ta2Betty smiled and sat up in Skinner's embrace, "And we're only just getting started," she said softly. "You know, we've got lots more chocolate than we have fruit, Walter." 

"I noticed that," Skinner replied as he took another sip of champagne. "I was wondering what you were going to do with it." 

"Oh, I have plans for it, all right," Ta2Betty replied, sitting up and reaching for her own champagne glass, sipping at it daintily. 

"Oh, care to tell me?" 

"I think it's better if I show you," Ta2Betty answered, smiling seductively, 

"But first, why don't we change positions, hmmm?" 

* * *

**PART 68**

Diana Fowley was in a piss-poor mood. Her darling Fox had made time with a Wench going by the name of Maus (Maus, for Chris-sakes, she fumed!) and was now off someplace with that weepy frigid midget Dana Scully. Another fine specimen of manhood, John Doggett, had disappeared up the stairs with that new age whale singing tart Monica Reyes and if the looks Monica was giving him were any indication Fowley was pretty damn sure that it wasn't professional courtesy that was the motivation for their tete-a-tete. That deliciously powerful hunk of male sexuality Walter Skinner had gone upstairs hours ago and had yet to return, although he was summoning one of those damned Wenches after another to join him. The blond stud Brad Follmer hadn't been able to keep his hands off the midget's mother Maggie since they had arrived (Fowley made a mental note that it was obvious that Dana Scully took after her father when it came to the sex department). The room full of cabana boys was paying court to the Wenches ... and not one damn person was paying any attention to her. 

"God damn it, I am NOT going to put up with this!" Fowley exclaimed with a toss of her lacquered hair (not a strand of which fell out of place!). "It's about time someone paid attention to ME!" 

"Jeez ... Ma, will you calm down?" Baby Meepmork left off his ferocious assault on her breasts (hey, the kid has an insatiable appetite!) to look up into her angry face. 

"I will NOT calm down!" Fowley declared angrily. "I am the Queen B!tch Goddess of the Cosmos and I will NOT be neglected this way!" 

"Whaddya mean neglected?" Meepmork exclaimed, entirely put out by her attitude. "I'm not neglecting you." 

"Oh, give me a break," Fowley rolled her eyes. "You only want one thing from me." 

"Actually, I want two things," Meepmork corrected her. "And I think it's time for me to switch over to the left one now." 

"Listen kid ... we need to come to an understanding here," Fowley turned Meepmork over on her lap so they were face to face (nose to nose as it were). "When I want male attention and admiration, you are NOT going to be an adequate substitute. And I have no intention of letting you interfere with my already established lifestyle." 

"Hey, I got no problems with you getting yourself laid when you're feeling horny," Meepmork replied. "As long as you come up with the nugs when I'm hungry and make sure my diaper gets changed regularly you can do whatever you want." 

"Nice of you to give me your permission," Fowley snarked. "Not that I need it!" 

Meepmork shrugged. "Hey, as long as I get regular fill-ups and changes, I'm easy to get along with," he told her. "Certainly a lot easier to get along with than you. I take it this general bitchiness means you're feeling horny right now." 

"Not exactly," Fowley replied. "But I'm damned if I'm going to be the only broad in this house that doesn't get laid. What will that do to my reputation?" 

"Well, there's always the smokestack over there," Meepmork suggested, indicating the CSM who was lighting is 50th (or was that 60th) cigarette of the evening. "He said he was game. Although if you shacked up with him I'd disown you for lack of taste." 

"I can't believe a kid of mine would even suggest that I should make it with that dessicated b@stard," Fowley declared, shuddering with distaste. "There's other men around here." 

"Uh ...yeah there are but it looks like they're all paying attention to those Wenches," Meepmork replied. "Can't say as I blame them ... some of them are real lookers." 

"Those damned Wenches," Fowley hissed, her eyes narrowing dangerously. 

"Hey, wait a minute, what about that guy over there," Meepmork asked. 

"What guy?" Fowley enquired. 

"The one over there in the brown suit and tie," Meepmork said, pointing his little hand in the direction of John Fitzgerald Byers. "He's young ...not bad looking ... looks like he might be a bit of a stiff but ..." 

"But a bit of a stiff one is exactly what I'm after," Fowley finished. "Good job, Meepy. Tell you what, I'm gonna unload you on that Wench TeeJay for a while. Time for Mommy to go get laid." 

* * *

**PART 69**

Ta2 Betty pushed herself to a sitting position and surveyed her handiwork with an evil little smile. Skinner lay stretched out before her, two large beach towels underneath him. His body, starting with his beautifully shaped bald head and running all the way down his finely muscled torso was painted with a gorgeous, glistening coating of fine sweet chocolate. "There," she sighed happily. "That is simply perfect." 

Skinner looked up at her, an evil gleam in his own eyes. No fool, our Surly Pectoral God, he had already figured out Ta2Betty's strategy and was eager to play his part in this little game. "Well Ta2," he murmured. "Now that you have used up the chocolate what comes next?" 

"Well I'm soooo glad you asked," Ta2Betty replied, throwing her leg around his middle so that she was straddling him like a cowgirl riding her stallion (a rather apt analogy!). "Now it's time for this good little girl to enjoy her chocolate soldier." 

Ta2Betty started with the top of Skinner's head. Cupping her hands around his ears, she slowly, tantalizingly began to lick the chocolate off the gorgeous bald pate. Her tongue danced, making little swirls in rich brown sweetness. She pressed her lips against the skin and sucked gently to pull the last bits of chocolatey goodness off of the skin before she moved onto the next area of his head. 

Once the top of Skinner's head was clean, she went for his ears. One ear at a time, her tongue ran around the edge of the appendage. The pink tip of her tongue dipped into the swirls and crevices of the ear, not forgetting to also give appropriate attention to the area where the ear joined the head. First the left ear, and then the right were recipients of her kindly ministrations. As she sucked the last bit of chocolate away from the right ear lobe, she pressed her lips softly against Skinner's ear and whispered, "So much for that old line about not putting anything smaller than your elbow in your ear, right?" 

Skinner laughed delightedly as she shifted her position to begin working on clearing his face. Warm lips, heated tongue and fragrant breath passed along his forehead first, proceeding down to his eyelids (where Ta2 paused to press a light kiss against each one) then on to his aristocratic nose. Cheeks, chin ... all received her lavish and loving attention. When she came to Skinner's mouth, she lingered, pressing several tender, gentle, loving kisses between licks and swirls with her tongue. Skinner's arms came up to pull her close but she pulled away with a little laugh, "Now, now Walter, you can't hold me close just yet," she chided. "You'll get me all messed up with chocolate and then what will we ever do? You just lie back a little bit longer while I finish cleaning up here, okay?" 

Skinner nodded wordlessly as Ta2Betty began to work with her eager mouth and willing tongue on cleaning his neck, slurping up the melted chocolate she found there with little purring sounds. Then slowly she eased back in order to begin the clean-up efforts upon his torso. As she worked her magic she could sense Skinner's excitement growing and knew it wouldn't be much longer ... 

* * *

**PART 70**

"Don't you think it's kind of ironic that we're down here, Mulder?" Scully asked her partner. 

Mulder paused for a moment in his struggles to get the Castro Convertible open and ready for action. "Ironic?" he repeated. "I don't follow you Scully." 

"We started our partnership in a basement," Scully commented as she looked about the impossibly neat basement of the Doggett house. "We spent the better part of seven years together in a basement office. And now here we are ... in a basement again." 

"Well, I suppose in a way it seems kind of fitting," Mulder answered as he locked the last remaining catch of the Castro in place and straightened up. "We are the FBI's Most Unwanted, after all, so ending up in another basement ..." 

"Oh, I don't know about that," Scully replied. "Seems to be we've both been pretty wanted by different people at different times." 

"There's some truth to that," Mulder agreed as he moved closer to Scully. He reached out and wrapped one long, strong arm around her waist. "And speaking of wanting ..." 

Scully smiled as Mulder pulled her closer and her arms reached up to wrap themselves around his neck. "Yes, Mulder ... " 

Mulder took her face between his hands, cupping it gently, something he had done with her many times (as viewers well know) before. "I think I'm wanting a little something from you now." 

Scully cast her eyes down shyly for a moment and then looked back up at him, her lower lip trembling and her sapphire blue eyes beginning to sparkle. "Let me guess, Mulder," she whispered. "You want a forehead kiss." 

"Wrong this time, woman," Mulder exclaimed as he let go of her face and drew her back into his arms. Then, his mouth was crushed to hers in the first real, honest, passionate kiss that he had ever given to Dana Scully (okay, the first one that I've ever seen him give her!). When he pulled back, they were both gasping for air. Scully's face wore a dazed and shocked expression. "Scully ... what do you have to say?" Mulder asked. 

Scully just shook her head and uttered one word, "Golly!" 

This was not the reaction Mulder had expected and his face registered total dismay. "Listen Scully ..." 

But he had no chance to say anymore, because Scully had thrown herself into his arms with such force that he fell backwards onto the Castro convertible, with Scully right on top of him. She covered her face with hot, passionate kisses and made purring sounds in her throat as her mouth traveled over his face, his eyes and his neck, stopping to plant one large kiss on his prominent proboscis. Then her mouth was back on his and they were devouring each other in a series of long, hot, breathless kisses. 

Throughout this, their hands were far from idle (looks like in this case busy hands are the devil's workshop :). Buttons were unbuttoned, zippers were unzipped and clothes flung everywhere. Hands explored, fondled and caressed as they continued to kiss each other as if they would never stop. 

But let's face it ... they had to stop eventually. By the time the impromptu kissing/wrestling/stripping match was over Scully fell back and lay on the Castro beside Mulder, breathless with exhaustion. Her face looked like a clown's streaked with the lipstick that she had picked up from Mulder's face and mouth during her exertions which HE had picked up from HER mouth. 

Mulder propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at her, giving her a grin that he hoped looked sexy and eager. "Breathing spell is over, Scully," he monotoned to her. "Now it's time for me to show you what the fouf can do." 

Scully smiled back and a feverish gleam appeared in her eye. With her arms she pulled Mulder down on top of her and she growled in her throat, "Yeah, baby! Bring it on!" 

* * *

**PART 71**

Back in the living room: 

"So hey there, fella. What are you doing standing here all by your lonesome?" 

John Fitzgerald Byers looked up to see the tall, willowy figure of Diana Fowley standing in front of him. "Uh ... well ...just taking a break from the party, Ms. Fowley." Byers stammered. 

Fowley gave Byers a long look, appraising him carefully. He wasn't bad looking at all. A bit of a stiff, as Meepmork had pointed out, but he had a fairly decent body and his face was certainly more attractive than that of his two geek-mates. "I see you remember me," Fowley commented, giving him a warm (well, warm for her) smile. 

"Uh ... yes I do, Ms. Fowley," Byers replied. "I remember you from back when you were seeing Agent Mulder." 

"Ah yes, we do go back a ways, don't we, John?" Fowley enquired, coming a bit closer and jutting her bosom out just enough to catch Byers' attention. "Seems like we're old friends." 

"Ye...sss ... if you say so," Byers acquiesced. The truth was that they had never been friends at all. Fowley had never hesitated to show her contempt for any of the Lone Gunmen in the past. So her current attempt at friendliness struck Byers as decidedly odd. However, he had been raised to be polite and so polite he would be to her. "We definitely go back a long way, Ms. Fowley." 

Fowley stepped even closer and slipped an arm around Byers' waist, grinning inwardly as she felt him jump nervously at her touch. "Now come on, Johnny, let's drop the 'Ms. Fowley' bit," she laughed (or was that cackled, Byers wondered). "You should call me Diana." 

All of his instincts urged him to pull away and run for his life, but Byers found that he couldn't move. "Uh ... sure ... Di ... Diana," he stammered. Then he all but jumped out of his skin as he felt her hand move downward along the small of his back and further downward. 

Fowley had to bite back her laughter as she watched his reaction. Holy Aunt Matilda, this was going to be easier than she thought. And not only would her pride and her own primal urges be satisfied but she told herself she would actually be doing this poor guy a favor. Judging from his reactions to her lightest touch, it had probably been ages since John Fitzgerald Byers had been with a woman. Reluctantly, she removed her hand from his posterior and laid it lightly along his wrist. "You know, Johnny," she said softly. "I think this would be a wonderful time for us to get better acquainted. But we could do that better if we could get off someplace by ourselves, you know what I mean?" 

Byers jaw dropped as she tipped him a quick wink. Surely she didn't mean what he thought she meant. Things like that just didn't happen to him! Not to John Fitzgerald Byers! "I'm not exactly sure," he stammered. "Maybe you should tell me what you have in mind." 

"Tell you what, Johnny," Fowley hummed as she took her hand in his. "I can do better than that. Why don't we go out to my Porsche and I'll show you what I mean." 

"Uh ... yeah ... sure ...okay," Byers stammered as any and all rational thoughts deserted his brain. 

Fowley took Byers' hand and led him through the living room to the front door of the Doggett home, pausing briefly at the couch to chuck Baby Meepmork under the chin. "Now you behave yourself for Auntie Wench TeeJay," she clucked to him. 

Meepmork took one look at Byers' glazed eyes, slack jaw and drooling lips and realized that his mother was about to achieve her aim. "Sure, Mom," he chortled. "Just make sure you're back by feeding time." 

Fowley winked and pulled the unresisting Byers along after her. Meepmork watched as the two went out the door and then turned to look up at TeeJay, his little baby face beaming, "So tell me something, Auntie TeeJay," he asked. "Aren't you pissed off because you haven't had the chance to do the horizontal tango with the Skinman yet?" 

* * *

**PART 72**

Ta2Betty's laughing face was bent over Skinner's as she continued to straddle him. She had just finished lapping up the last of the chocolate from his torso and had pushed herself back up the length of his body. Slowly, she ran her tongue along her red lips to remove the chocolate from the corners of her mouth. "Mmmm," she hummed. "That was wonderful." 

"Greedy girl," Skinner chided her, although the expression on his face belied his words. "You didn't leave any chocolate for me, did you?" 

"Oh, I think there's a little left," she replied, reaching for the bowl on the floor. She dipped her hand into the bowl, running her fingers around the edges to pick up the last little swirls of chocolate. Then she bent over and placed her fingers against Skinner's lips. "See ... there's some left here for you." 

Skinner's lips slowly parted and his tongue snaked out to wrap itself around Ta2Betty's index finger. He worked it slowly around the finger, licking up all of the excess chocolate that coated it. Then, he drew in his breath and sucked her finger inside his mouth, the suction removing the last traces of chocolate from her index finger. Ta2Betty sighed with pleasure as he released her finger, "Mmm, you like that?" he asked. 

"Oh yes, Walter," Ta2Betty replied. "But surely you aren't going to stop there ... after all, I still have chocolate all over the rest of my hand." 

"I see ... well I'm just going to have to do something about that," Skinner murmured and his tongue quickly darted out to begin working on the next finger. Finger by finger, he licked, sucked and kissed away the last vestiges of chocolate, working his way all around Ta2Betty's dainty hand and shapely wrist. His hands rested lightly about her waist, holding her in place as his lips and tongue performed their sweet labor. Ta2Betty had visibly relaxed, her eyes closed, enjoying the sensations he was giving her. As he licked away the last bit of chocolate Ta2Betty gave a voluptuous shudder of pure enjoyment and a wicked smile crossed Skinner's face as he planned his next move. 

Skinner's hands tightened around Ta2Betty's waist and he pulled her down on top of him, so that her body was laying full length on top of his and then he rolled over so that he was on top of her. Ta2Betty gave a quick yelp of astonished pleasure that was cut off as Skinner's mouth crushed down on hers in a fiery, passionate kiss that seemed designed to draw the soul from Ta2Betty's eager body. 

Ta2 Betty couldn't help but respond, her own mouth as hungry and avid as his. Her hands roamed up and down his back as his own hands caressed her body tenderly. He rained hot kisses along her cheek, her throat and her shoulders, working his way back up to her mouth for another prolonged kiss. Then he pulled away slightly, raising himself so that he was looking down into her eyes. "Since you've had your dessert," he growled, "It's time for me to have mine." 

Ta2Betty laughed with sheer delight at his words and flung her arms around his neck. "Well, come and get it, tiger," she purred, and pulled him down into her eager embrace. 

* * *

**PART 73**

Doggett escorted Reyes into the bedroom and closed the door behind him. Reyes turned to face him, her eyes eager and her toothy smile much in evidence. "Well John ... we're alone," she simpered. "Just like you wanted." 

"Listen Monica, we need to talk about something," Doggett declared, moving to the bed and sitting down on the edge. 

Reyes scampered over and sat down next to Doggett, cuddling up close to him, 

"Yes, I think we need to talk too, John," she agreed. 

Doggett glanced nervously around the room, trying to find the words he was looking for. He wanted to be diplomatic ... but that was simply beyond his abilities. He was a plain-speaking sort of man, so he came right out with it, "Listen, Monica, what was that all about sending Mulder over to talk with me?" 

Reyes' smile instantly vanished to be replaced by a look of confusion, "What do you mean, John?" she asked. "I never sent Mulder to talk to you." 

"Oh ... then why did Mulder pull me aside to try to tell me how to treat you," Doggett demanded. 

"WHHAAAAATTTTTT!" Reyes shrieked. 

"You heard me," Doggett replied. "He was trying to tell me that you loved me ... and that I wasn't treating you right." 

Reyes broke into peals of laughter, "Oh no! I don't believe those two ..." 

"Whaddya mean, those two?" Doggett asked, puzzled. 

"Scully pulled me aside for some 'girl talk," Reyes explained. "She was trying to console me over watching the man I love make time with other women and was wanting to advise me about our relationship." 

"You're kidding me," Doggett exploded. "That frigid midget was trying to give YOU advice on how to deal with a man?" 

"Oh, this is just too funny," Reyes collapsed on the bed in hysterical laughter, holding her sides as the tears ran down her cheeks. "Two people who took seven years to even have a decent kiss ..." 

"Don't make assumptions, Monica," Doggett interrupted, chuckling. "Who said they've had a decent kiss." 

"...And then haven't been able to have a decent sexual encounter, let alone discuss their intimate feelings, trying to counsel US on how to handle our relationship," Reyes guffawed. "Well ... okay, maybe YOU could use some counseling, but ME ..." and she went off into gales of laughter again. 

Doggett was grinning from ear to ear but there was a troubled look in his eyes. When Reyes finally stopped laughing and sat back up, he reached out and took her hand. "Monica ...I gotta ask you something," he said gently. "You DID give Mulder and Scully a bit of a reason to wonder with your behavior tonight. What was that all about anyway?" 

Reyes blushed and actually looked a bit sheepish. "Oh, John ... I know I was acting kind of silly," she responded. "It just kind of bothered me, y'know? No sooner did we come downstairs than you went off with that other Wench. And then when you were through with her, you kept paying attention to all the other Wenches and never came back to me." 

"But Monica, you and I agreed that we had no strings or ties to each other," Doggett exclaimed, honestly puzzled. "And my paying attention to other women never bothered you before." 

"I know," Reyes sighed. "But this has been such a strange night. I mean, that whole chipmunk thing. Then that b!tch Diana Fowley kept twisting the knife about how you were off with the other Wenches. And then there's Brad Follmer ... I didn't know he was having an affair with Maggie Scully. I mean, it's quite a blow to my ego that he never looked at me once tonight, he just kept doing the deed with her. It's a lot for me to handle, y'know?" 

Doggett squeezed Reyes' hand comfortingly. "So this was really just about your pride," he enquired. "It wasn't because ... y'know ... you ... love me?" 

"Oh, God no!" Reyes gasped. "I mean ... you know I love you, John, the way I'd love any good friend. But I'm not in love with you. You know that." 

"I thought I knew that," Doggett replied carefully. "But I just wanted to make sure after what happened tonight. I mean ... if you're in love with me ... I don't want to lead you on. So if that's the case maybe we should call it quits." 

Reyes put her arms around his neck and gently drew Doggett into an embrace, "John, I promise you ... I am not in love with you," she repeated with obvious sincerity. "I am perfectly content with the way things are between us right now, okay?" 

The look on Doggett's face was one of total relief as he wrapped his arms around her and embraced her. "Okay, that's fine," Doggett replied. "We'll keep things the way they are ... sex between friends." 

Reyes lifted her head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes. Her look had suddenly changed. She was still smiling but it was a seductive, tempting smile and her eyes had taken on that wild and feral look that he had come to know so well. "Uh John," she said softly, her hands reaching under his shirt to lightly brush the skin of his chest. 

"Yes Monica?" Doggett replied, his own hands beginning to move around, seeking and finding. 

"Speaking of sex between friends ..." she whispered, leaning forward to lightly nuzzle his ear. 

Doggett's lips brushed the fragrant skin of her neck, "Uh huh ..." he murmured. 

"Well, technically speaking you and I haven't yet tonight," Reyes cooed, running her sizzling tongue along the outer edge of his ear. "I mean, earlier it was more or less with a chipmunk. So do you think ... maybe ..." 

"Hmmm ... I thought you'd never ask," Doggett muttered. And then in one quick movement he had her lying on her back on the bed, hovering over her. He stripped off his shirt and grinned at Reyes as she quickly ripped off her blouse and they both threw these very unnecessary articles of clothing to the floor. "If you thought I was an animal earlier, just you wait until you see what you are going to get now, Agent Reyes." 

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Reyes emitted the long, ecstatic whale mating shriek. 

* * *

**PART 74**

TeeJay was fast losing her patience with the little munchkin that had been dumped on her by the hot and bothered Diana Fowley. "Listen, Meepmork, don't you think that maybe it's time you went beddy-bye?" she sweetly asked. 

Meepmork rolled his little eyes at her, "Just because you and everybody else around here is eager to go beddy-bye doesn't mean that I am," he snarked at her. "I like staying up and watching all the action that's going on around here." 

"Now sweetie, don't you know that sleep is good for babies," TeeJay asked through gritted teeth. "It helps them grow." 

"Hell, why do I want to grow any faster," Meepmork asked with a cheeky grin. "I get a good seven to 12 years of being breast-fed, changed and generally waited on hand and foot. I know a good thing when I see it!" 

GoScully sauntered over and joined the pair on the couch, "Hey there, TeeJay, how did you get stuck with the enfant terrible?" she asked. 

"That witch Diana Fowley dumped him on me after she grabbed hold of that sweet young Byers," TeeJay replied. 

"Hey, watch how you talk about my mother," Meepmork snarled. 

"Pipe down, pipsqueak," GoScully snapped back. "She's actually being polite in referring to your mother as a witch." 

Meepmork stuck his tongue out at GoScully and she promptly flipped him the bird (GoScully doesn't put up with crap from anyone ... even alien hybrid babies!). TeeJay spoke up quickly to try to halt the escalation of hostilities. "Anyway, Fowley took Byers outside to her Porsche." 

"Oh Lord!" GoScully giggled, rolling her eyes. "I wonder how the poor boy will survive THAT encounter." 

"I actually feel sorry for him," TeeJay replied with true sympathy in her voice. 

"He looked so helpless ... like a lamb being led to the slaughter." 

"You all better quit talking about my mother like that or I'll ... I'll ..." Meepmork exploded. 

"You'll what, bratface?" GoScully demanded. 

"I'll ...I'll throw up on you!" Meepmork shouted, his little face getting redder by the minute. 

"GoScully, please don't get the kid so excited," TeeJay pleaded. "After all, his mother did leave him in my care." 

"Well guess what, TeeJay, I think you are about to be relieved," GoScully replied. "Here comes Ta2Betty. You know what that means?" 

Ta2Betty was coming towards them with a smile of purest satisfaction on her face. "Oh TeeJay," she cooed, "He's waiting for you." 

TeeJay jumped up from the couch, "Hot damn! It's my turn at last!" 

"Wait just a minute," Meepmork shrieked. "My mother told you to take care of me. You can't leave me alone down here!" 

"Just watch me!" TeeJay replied, shoving Meepmork into GoScully's arms before she zipped out of the living room and up the stairs with amazing speed and grace, leaving the two Wenches and a baby staring after her. 

* * *

**PART 75**

Once she had reached the door of the spare bedroom, TeeJay paused to catch her breath and adjust her toga. Then she rapped lightly on the door. "Is that you TeeJay," the masculine voice called in tones that thrilled her to her very toes. "Come on in." 

TeeJay opened the door of the bedroom to see Skinner reclining on the bed, propped up by two pillows, naked save for the towel draped around his torso. She quickly closed the door behind her but stood for a moment, just admiring the view. Skinner smiled at her and extended his hand, "There you are, come on over here." 

TeeJay moved to the bed and sat on the edge, slipping her hand into his. Skinner raised it to his lips and kissed it lightly, "Ah, TeeJay, you are as beautiful as ever," he whispered. 

TeeJay inclined her head in pleasure at the compliment. "I'm glad you're pleased," she told him. "And so glad to see that you are completely recovered." 

Skinner sighed and a slightly troubled look crossed his face. "Well, TeeJay, I am recovered from the 'munk malady' but ..." 

"But what, Walter?" she prompted. 

"I must be getting old," Skinner said slowly. "I have to admit that I am rather tired after such a long session with the Wenches. As much as I've looked forward to our time together, I am concerned that I may not be able to rise to the occasion the way that I would like." 

TeeJay smiled and shook her head, "Ah Walter, you're not getting old at all," she said reassuringly. "And it's understandable that you'd need a breather ... especially after going a few rounds with GoScully and Ta2Betty." 

"Still, you've been so patient, waiting until the end," Skinner sighed, as he reached out with his hand and stroked her lovely face. "The last thing I want to do is disappoint you." 

TeeJay leaned in closer until her lips met his in a tender and loving kiss. She pulled back and continued to smile, "You have never disappointed me and I know you never will, Walter," she soothed. "And I don't want you thinking about it. I just want you to relax and enjoy this time we have together." 

"But TeeJay .. ." Skinner tried to continue, but TeeJay laid her finger softly on his lips. 

"Hush now," she murmured. "No more of this nonsense. I want you to turn over, stretch out and just relax." 

Skinner did as TeeJay asked and rolled over onto his stomach. TeeJay knelt beside him on the bed and slowly, expertly, began her patented "Tee Jay Therapeutic Massage." She started in the middle of his back, her hands and fingers working with equal parts gentleness and force, gradually massaging away the tension. Slowly she worked her way on up to his shoulders, smiling in satisfaction as he gave several long, deep groans of relief and she felt the knotted muscles begin to relax. "Oh, TeeJay, that's just great," Skinner murmured. 

"Relax," TeeJay soothed as her hands worked their way up to the base of his neck, fingers finding every stress knot and loosening each one with loving skill. She massaged each arm in turn, pleased with every "Ahhhhh" "Oooohhhh" and sigh that escaped Skinner's lips. She continued to work the muscles of his back again, moving down further and further until her hand were just at the base just above where the towel covered his manly posterior. 

Skinner gave a long, low, rumbling groan and slowly rolled over onto his back. TeeJay was pleased to see that he was smiling happily at her as he reached up for her. "I think it's time I returned the favor," he whispered. 

* * *

**PART 76**

If looks could kill it would be hard to say who would have "bitten the big one first ..." Meepmork or GoScully. Meepmork's little face was curled up into a frightening scowl, causing his little eyes to take on the beady, mean expression habitually worn by his mother. GoScully was holding the little bundle of terror at arms length regarding him with a look of complete and total revulsion. "Ta2," she said through gritted teeth, "Come and get this little mutant son-of-a-b!tch b@stard (Author's note: which is actually a highly accurate description of the little tyke and his parentage when you think about it!) before I do something I'll regret." 

"Not on your life, sweetheart," Ta2Betty replied. "I have just come from the arms of the Surly Pectoral God and have no desire for my next bit of human contact to be with that inhuman brat." 

"I don't wanna be with either of you!" Meepmork spat. "I want Mom ... or my Pops." 

"Fine by me," GoScully snapped back. "We'll just take you on out to your Mom right now!" 

GoScully stormed to the front door, Ta2Betty just a step ahead of her, still holding the wretched, kicking bundle out in front of her. As Ta2Betty swung the door open, GoScully stepped out onto the porch, preparing to make her way down the lawn to the waiting Porsche. 

But she was brought up short when she saw the shadows on the window of the furiously rocking car. From inside she could hear cries that were barely human , almost animal in their expression and tone. The moans ... the groans ... followed by several wails and as the car shuddered and shook a long, drawn out shriek. 

There was no way that GoScully was going anywhere near that rockin' and boppin' little Porsche. She turned around and quickly went back into the Doggett house, the squirming and squealing Meepmork kicking out angrily. Ta2Betty closed the door behind her and whispered, "Did you hear that?" 

"Yeah, I sure did," GoScully replied. "Wow!" 

"It's a good thing you brought the baby back in here," Ta2Betty told her approvingly. "No child should see or hear what's going on out there." 

"Oh hell, I don't care what the devil's spawn sees or hears," GoScully replied. 

"But I sure as hell wasn't going anywhere near that ...that ..." she stumbled trying to find words for what was going on between Fowley and Byers in that Porsche. "Well, we obviously can't take the kid to his mother ...what about his fathers?" 

"Mork and Alvin disappeared a while ago," Ta2Betty answered. "And when they left ... well ... they were certainly ... very affectionate." 

"Ewwwwwww!!!!" GoScully shivered at the mental picture this conjured up. "That is totally gross" 

"No more gross than you swingin' with that old bald guy," Meepmork chimed in. 

"That's it!" GoScully exploded. "I am NOT going to look after you one minute longer!" 

"Suits me," Meepmork replied. "I didn't ask to be left with you anyway." 

"Ta2 ... that guy over there by the window ... he isn't doing anything," 

GoScully whispered. "He could look after the kid." 

"I suppose so," Ta2Betty agreed. "He looks like the grandfatherly type ... even if he does seem to have a rather nasty habit." 

"Give me a minute here," GoScully told Ta2 and she quickly descended upon the Cigarette Smoking Man as he stubbed out his latest cigarette. "Hi ya, Gramps!" she called to him. 

"Oh ... er ... hello, my dear," the CSM replied, fumbling around for a fresh pack of Morleys. 

"Listen, you wouldn't be chance happen to be acquainted with Diana Fowley, would you?" GoScully asked hopefully. 

CSM smiled, figuring that this was the lovely Wench's opening conversational gambit. "Yes, as a matter of fact I do, my dear," he responded with a coldly warm (or is that warmly cold) smile. "I've known her for many years." 

"Wonderful!" GoScully exclaimed. "Then you're the perfect person to babysit her kid," and with that she unceremoniously shoved Meepmork into CSM's arms. 

"B...bbbut ... I ..." for the first time in his many years, CSM was at a complete loss for words as he stared at the screaming, wriggling bundle of terror in his arms. 

"Have fun you guys," GoScully called out as she rejoined Ta2Betty. "Come on Ta2, make me a Triple Skinnerita. After dealing with the spawn of Satan I need it!" 

* * *

**PART 77**

The Porche creaked on its springs to the furious rhythm of the passion being consummated within. The couple inside heard nothing but the amorous cries that tore from their own throats. Then they did become aware of another sound in the general din, a mechanical hum. 

In the midst of thrashing around on the fine leather upholstery, Byers had kicked a dashboard control panel. The convertible's top was now folding back to reveal its occupants to the neighborhood. 

While the cool night air felt wonderful on their hot and fevered flesh, there was still the problem of their obvious exposure to the residents of the neighborhood, many of whom had opened their windows or stepped out onto the front porch in order to investigate the source of the noises that all of them had been hearing. And while Fowley was possessed of an exhibitionistic nature, Byers definitely preferred keeping his amatory adventures private. "Damn," he shouted, "Where is the button for this thing?" 

In the meantime, once the neighbors realized that the shenanigans were going on at the Doggett house, they all nodded knowingly and shut their doors and windows. They had become accustomed to strange goings-on at that house during the last two years and as they were essentially a tolerant group, all had agreed to allow Doggett and his various companions a wide degree of latitude in their various adventures. Although it must be admitted that one newcomer to the area, a rather hatchet-faced woman whose name will remain forever unknown, shouted to the horny couple as they finally managed to get the convertible top back in place, "Get a room, will ya?" 

As Byers struggled to reach the controls to lower the Porche's convertible top again, his knee connected with the steering wheel. This resulted in a long blast from the horn. It attracted the attention of everyone on the Doggett property who was not already watching. 

"Still making out in parked cars," snorted Frohike, from the hot tub. He tossed back another Skinnerita. "Amateurs." 

* * *

**PART 78**

Meanwhile, back in the upstairs room and completely unaware of what was going on in the Porsche parked in the driveway, Wench TeeJay rose gracefully from her position beside Skinner on the bed. Skinner raised his impressive torso from the comfortable mattress, swung his muscular legs over the side of the bed and rose to his feet, standing next to TeeJay. "I mean it TeeJay," he said softly. "It's time for me to give you a massage." 

"I'd like nothing better," TeeJay responded (well, we all know there's something she WOULD like better but she is a patient Wench). 

Skinner lifted his hands to her shoulders, his fingers twining themselves in the fabric of her highly becoming sapphire-blue toga. "We need to take this off you first," he whispered. "I can't really give you a good massage if you're dressed now, can I?" 

TeeJay laughed softly, "No I don't suppose you can," she agreed. 

Skinner slowly slid the toga down with his capable hands, pausing to kiss various parts of TeeJay's alabaster skin as they were gradually revealed to him. Then he released the toga and allowed it to drop to the floor where it lay like a blue puddle around TeeJay's feet. She stood motionless for a moment, knowing how much Skinner loved to look on her graceful, statuesque form. Then she stepped out of the toga and stretched out on her stomach upon the bed. 

A moment later, she felt the bed give a little as Skinner knelt beside her and then she felt his big, strong hands take hold of one of her shapely feet and begin to massage them, "Ohhh ..." she breathed. "That feels exquisite." 

Skinner's hands worked the small, slender foot, giving equal attention to each toe, then the instep and heel, working their way up to the ankle. He paused for a moment to give the foot a gentle kiss before moving over to her other foot, treating it with exactly the same loving devotion. 

Then his hands were working her legs, first one and then the other. Strong fingers massaged the beautifully proportioned calves, the small indentation at the knees, and the firm flesh of the thighs. TeeJay sighed with pleasure, floating on waves of sensation, her body and mind entering a state of blissful relaxation. 

Now Skinner changed direction and she felt his hands upon the back of her neck, the fingers working the slightly tensed muscles. "Walter, that's wonderful," she sighed. 

She felt his hot breath along her earlobe as he leaned over and whispered, "So you like this, sweetheart?" 

"Oh yes," TeeJay murmured, feeling her body becoming more and more relaxed, although the nearness of his lips to her ear did cause a most pleasurable tingle of tension in a certain spot. "Your hands are absolutely magic." 

"And there's more to come," Skinner whispered, his lips brushing against her ear and then moving to scatter a few light, baby-soft kisses on the back of her neck, causing TeeJay to shiver voluptuously. Then his hands were moving across her shoulders, easing the few knots of tension that he found. They continued to work, fingers rolling and kneading and pressing the flesh of TeeJay's back and working their way down, following the lines and contours of her body along the small of her back and then up and over her curved and rounded hips. TeeJay's eyes were closed, her body feeling utterly boneless on the firm mattress. Then she felt Skinner remove his hands from her body and felt him shift on the bed. 

"TeeJay, sweetheart, roll over." 

There was a familiar note in Skinner's voice, one that TeeJay knew well. She turned over onto her back and opened her eyes. Skinner knelt on the bed beside her, his face flushed and his eyes burning with passion. TeeJay's eyes flickered down his strong torso and she could see that although he still wore the towel around his waist it did little to hide his evident excitement. She smiled delightedly as her eyes met Skinner's "Why Walter, it does look like you are able to rise to the occasion after all." 

Skinner smiled back at her, "So it seems, TeeJay," he replied. "Are you feeling up to a little workout after your massage?" 

TeeJay sank a little deeper into the mattress and raised her arms to Skinner, her own eyes beginning to sparkle with passion and desire, "Come on, Walter," she murmured huskily. "Put 'em around me." 

* * *

**PART 79**

CSM was nearly at his wits' end. He tried bouncing Meepmork on his knee, he tried walking him back and forth, he tried every trick he could think of but nothing would get the kid to shut up. "Meepmork, please settle down," he pleaded. 

Langly wandered back over and seated himself at the keyboard, "Listen Smoky you'd better find some way to shut the kid up," he remarked. "That was the old broad down the street and she's threatening to call the cops. Says that between the noises going on outside and that kid's crying she's gonna report us for child and animal abuse." 

"Oh, fine," CSM muttered. "Is there any indication that Agent Fowley is finished with her little tryst?" 

"Are you kidding?" Langly replied, his fingers lightly brushing the keys as he began to play the opening chords of Disco Duck. "They still banging away like shutters in a hurricane." 

"Damn, we've got to find some way to quiet this kid down," CSM exclaimed. "Meepmork, maybe you would like to hear a story. I know lots of stories about aliens and conspiracies." 

"No, I don't want a story," Meepmork replied, giving CSM a quick bite on the wrist. "I'll tell you what I want." 

"What?" CSM and Langly exclaimed. 

"I want you to sing me a song," Meepmork answered. "I like music. If you sing me a song than maybe I'll be able to go to sleep." 

CSM shrugged. "Hey at this point I'll try anything," and he began the opening lines of 'Lullaby and Goodnight.' 

"Blecch!" Meepmork spat, "I said music ... not that sappy nursery school stuff. Real songs!" 

"Wait a minute," Langly interrupted. "I'll bet I know what he'd like," and Langly played the first few notes of 'Joy to the World' 

"No! No! NO!!!!!" Meepmork screamed, kicking his little baby feet and lashing out with his fists, catching CSM a sharp blow on the jaw. "I've been listening to the Red-Headed Midget butcher THAT song since I was three hours old. It's the only freakin' song she knows!" 

"Wait a minute ... I think I've got it," CSM replied. "It's the perfect song for this moment. Langly, do you know 'Love is in the Air?" 

"You mean the old 70s song that they use in the credit card commercial with the multiplying rabbits?" 

"That's the one," CSM replied. 

"Sure," Langly answered and began to play the opening chords. 

"Very well, Meepmork. Let's see how you like this song," CSM said to the child. He seated himself on the couch with the little one on his knee, pompously cleared his throat and began to sing. 
    
    
         "Lurve is in the air 
         At the Doggett house tonight. 
         Lurve is in the air 
         Couples banging with all their might. 
         Mulder and Scully are down in the basement 
         Exploring the power of the fouf 
         Mulder's discovered that finding Scully's G-spot , 
         Is more rewarding than finding the truth." 
    

* * *

**PART 80**

Scully sighed and stretched out on the Castro convertible, a blissful smile on her face. Mulder lay beside her, breathing rapidly but with his boyish grin illuminating his face and a look of total satisfaction in his hazel eyes. He rolled over and propped himself up on one elbow, "So ..." 

Scully looked up at him, raising her heavy-lids so he could look deeply into her sapphire eyes. "So ...what?" 

"I'm hoping that sigh means what I think it does," Mulder replied. "Does it?" 

"Hmmmm..." I guess it depends on what you think it means," Scully replied, her eyes starting to twinkle with just a gleam of mischief. 

"Well ... I'm thinking it means that I have a satisfied woman on my hands," Mulder said softly, moving to brush the hair off her forehead. "Am I right?" 

"Not exactly," Scully answered archly. 

Mulder's face fell at her words and a look of dismay crossed her face, "Oh no ..." he groaned. "Scully ...I honestly thought that this time we ... that I ... aw hell!" 

Scully giggled "Well Mulder, you honestly don't think that I'm going to be satisfied with just one good session now, do you?" 

"Scully ... honest I thought that this time I'd be giving you what you wanted and needed and ..." Mulder paused as her words sank in and he saw the wicked smile on her face. "Wait a minute ... did you say 'good session,'" he asked. 

Scully reached up and touched Mulder's face lightly, her smile becoming tender and her eyes warm and glowing, "Yes I did say a good session," she replied. "A very good session." 

"You devil!" Mulder exploded. "You had me scared for a moment there. I thought I'd disappointed you again." 

"There's only one way you could disappoint me, Mulder," Scully whispered. "And that's if you tell me that this one time is all you had in you." 

Mulder drew Scully into his arms and covered her face softly with kisses, enjoying the feel of her arms around him and her warm and eager response. He pulled back for a moment and whispered into her shell-like ear, "Oh, I think you can see there's plenty more in me." 

Scully laughed up into his face, "Yes, I do believe I can tell that you've got a lot more left," she cooed. 

Mulder's mouth sought hers and his hands began to explore, drawing soft sighs from his eager partner when all of a sudden she pushed him away and sat up, nearly causing him to fall to the floor. "Wait a minute! Did you hear that?" she asked. 

"Hear what?" Mulder enquired. 

"I thought I heard someone wailing," Scully answered. "Listen ..." 

Mulder strained his ears but all he could hear was the sound of a keyboard playing upstairs. "Sorry Scully, I don't hear anything." 

Scully shook her head, "It's gone now," she said. "I could swear it sounded ... well ...almost unearthly." 

Mulder shrugged and placed his hands on her shoulders, his lips gently brushing the skin of her neck. "Aw, forget about it," he murmured, drawing in some of the skin between his teeth and nibbling it gently. 

Scully turned slightly so that she was able to look up into his face, "You mean you don't want to go and investigate it?" she asked. 

"Now why would I want to do that," Mulder asked between gentle little nips of her throat and soft kisses to her chin. "I'd rather just stay here and do a little more investigating of a certain human female I know." 

"Oh Mulder!" Scully sighed happily, "You mean you'd rather stay here with me then go out looking for the Truth?" 

"I've found the Truth, Scully," Mulder said earnestly, his smoldering hazel eyes meeting her blazing blue orbs. "The Truth is that a hot and bothered Scully is more satisfying than a cold gray alien any day." 

Scully wrapped her arms around Mulder's neck and pulled him down on top of her, holding him tightly, "That's just what I wanted to hear," she murmured as her mouth sought his. "Now come on, baby, light my fire!" 

* * *

**PART 81**

"Hey, I liked that, Gramps!" Meepmork laughed. "Sing some more!" 

CSM shrugged and thought fast. "Well, okay ... 
    
    
         "Lurve is in the air 
         At the Doggett house tonight. 
         Lurve is in the air 
         Couplings happening out of sight. 
         Reyes and Doggett are in the master bedroom 
         Monica's got something to prove ... 
         That she can make John forget about that Wench Pooch 
         So the horizontal mambo is her latest move."
    

* * *

**PART 82**

"Ohhhhh, John, that was fantastic," Reyes murmured as she lay exhausted and spent in John Doggett's arms. 

"Yeah," Doggett agreed, rousing himself from approaching sleep to respond to Reyes. "Yeah, Monica. It was good." 

At those words, Reyes' eyes shot open wide and her body stiffened. "What did you just say?" 

"I said it was good," Doggett mumbled drowsily, his body relaxing completely as sleep overcame him .... 

THUD! Doggett found himself on the bedroom floor. He sat up, bewildered, rubbing the sore spot in his side where Monica Reyes had firmly planted her foot to kick him out of the bed. "For Chrissakes, Monica," he exclaimed, "What did you go and do that for?" 

"How could you," Reyes screeched, sitting up in the bed with her fists clenched and her face contorted with rage. "How could you say that to me!" 

"Are you out of your freakin' mind, Monica?" Doggett asked, getting up off the floor. "What the hell are you talkin' about?" 

"Telling me that it was good," Reyes answered. "Do you have any idea how insulting that is?" 

"Monica, what do you want from me?" Doggett was truly puzzled by her attitude. 

"It was good ...what more do you want me to say?" 

"Oh ... and I suppose it was just 'good' with the little Southern belle Poochespup," Reyes snarked with a feigned simper. 

"Yeah ... yeah it was," Doggett replied. "It was real good!" 

"That's what I mean," Reyes screamed, tears coming to her eyes, "Sex with me is just good while sex with that other Wench was real good." 

"Holy crap Monica, I don't go around comparing each person I have sex with to see which one is best," Doggett exclaimed in exasperation. "And I don't worry about whether you have as much fun with me as you have with Brad Follmer ... or Charlie Scully ... or A.D. Mitchell ... or Agent Palmer ... or ..." 

"Okay, you don't have to run down the list of all my partners, John," Reyes sulked. 

"Anyway, I don't get what your problem is, Monica," Doggett continued. "If I'd told you it was just okay or it was lousy I could understand why you're upset. But I told you it was good. That means it's good." 

"I don't want it to just be good," Reyes stormed angrily. "I want it to be great. I want to be the best you ever had. And I want you to tell me that." 

Doggett shook his head wearily, "I give up," he muttered as he headed for the bathroom. He paused in the doorway and turned back to Reyes, "Listen Monica, I'm gonna go take a shower. Why don't you smoke a cigarette or sing a whale song or do a yoga chant or something. Anything to calm you down, okay?" 

Reyes stared open mouthed as Doggett shut the door to the bathroom and then she heard the water running. Then she collapsed back onto the bed, kicking and screaming in utter frustration before she lifted her head and once again gave the mournful cry of the lonely whale. 

* * *

**PART 83**

A strange feeling had come over Diana Fowley as Byers flailed about beneath her vast expanse (for _she_ was on top, of course). Sensations that she had not experienced since her decades-gone youth rose up and built until they could no longer be suppressed. 

"Oh, John," she purred throatily, "I haven't felt this way in years, and I owe it all to you." Filling her ample lungs, she began to sing, "Like a virgin, touched for the very first time, like a vir-ir-ir-ir-gin..." 

Her voice cut through the rest of the neighborhood cacophony like a buzz saw on full throttle. 

Down in Doggett's basement, Mulder jumped up off the Castro convertible sofa so fast that Scully couldn't let go of him in time and fell to the floor with a thud. 

"Mulder, where the hell are you going?" she demanded furiously. 

"That voice...I know that voice," Mulder said, moving toward a small window like a moth drawn to a flame. "It's Diana...she used to sing like that after we..." His speech trailed off wistfully as he tried to catch some of the words. 

"I can't believe it," he said, hurt. "She never sang 'Like a Virgin' for _me_." 

Luckily, Mulder had highly trained defensive reflexes from being an FBI agent. Otherwise, he could never have dodged the 1980's-vintage ceramic ginger jar lamp that went flying past his head. 

* * *

**PART 84**

Langly stopped playing, "Hey did you all hear that?" 

"Hear what?" CSM asked. 

"That howling sound," Langly replied. "It's coming from upstairs." 

"Oh hell, it's that Monica Reyes again," Ta2Betty exclaimed as she emerged with a Skinnerita in her hand. "I recognize the whale call." 

"Actually, I thought I heard something coming from outside," GoScully chimed in. 

"Sounded like Weird Al Yankovic with his nuts caught in a wringer singing 'Like a Surgeon.'" 

"Gramps, you sing some more, that will drown all of it out!" Meepmork demanded. 

"I'm with the kid on that," Ta2Betty agreed. "Anything to drown out those awful sounds." 

"Very well," CSM replied, rather gratified that his vocalizing and his spur of the moment lyric writing were being met with such appreciation. 
    
    
         "Lurve is in the air 
         At the Doggett house tonight 
         Lurve is in the air 
         It's a Peeping Tom's delight. 
         Diana Fowley's hooked up with John Byers 
         Since Darling Fox passed her over tonight 
         They're in her Porsche rockin' and bumpin'... 
         A tramp and geek humpin' is really quite a sight! 
         Lurve is in the air! 
         Lurve is in the air!" 
    

Meanwhile, the action continued in the Porsche and neighbors continued to hear voices in the darkness. 

"Come on, baby, let's do it again!" 

"No ... noooo I can't!" 

"Sure you can ...come on Baby." 

"I can't I tell you ...you've taken everything I've got." 

"I haven't yet ... but I'm going to. Now come on ... you can't tell me you don't like that." 

"I like it but ... I just can't do this anymore!" 

"Listen you ... we're out here for a reason and we're not going to stop until I say so!" 

"But wait ... I ... oh ... oh God!" 

And once again as the Porsche began to rock words were no longer heard. Instead the night air was rent with sounds that were barely human as the occupants of the Porsche continued with their amatory adventures. 

* * *

**PART 85**

By this time the Wenches and Cabana Boys had gathered around CSM and Langly. Meepmork was sitting in his baby carrier on the couch between Ta2Betty and GoScully and all were applauding and cheering on CSM. 

"Man, this guy is really good," GoScully commented. "He may actually have a future in this kind of stuff." 

"I know," Ta2Betty replied. "The old smokestack has a lot of talent." 

"Will you Wenches shaddup!" Meepmork screamed. "I wanna hear Smoky sing!" 

"Sing, Smoky, Sing!" the Wenches and Cabana Boys chanted. 

CSM bowed graciously and turned to Langly, "Hit it, Professor," 

"You got it, Smoky," Langly grinned, continuing to play as CSM resumed his vocalizing. 
    
    
         "Lurve is in the air 
         At the Doggett house tonight. 
         Lurve is in the air 
         Couples banging with all their might 
         Maggie and Brad can't keep their hands off each other 
         They've put on quite a show for all to see. 
         Makes me wonder who kept Maggie happy, 
         When Commodore Scully would go out to sea." 
    

The conga line snaked around the deck and back yard led by Maggie, then Brad, Bea, Frohike with Mavis bringing up the rear. The conga'd with abandon, hands on sweaty, naked flanks, bodies bumping, yelps or arriba, arriba joining in with the music. They were oblivious to what was going on in the house, they were oblivious to the fact that people in the house were not oblivious to them. They danced, they jiggled, they swayed and danced some more. The conga turned into something like a tarantella and finally with a mighty splash they conga'd back into the hot tub. 

It was a writhing mass of human flesh, legs, arms, backs, fronts, dangly bits roiling the water accompanied by the pure unadulterated laughter of joy. Whooping and hollering the five resolved into two and three. More exploration was undertaken. 

For his part, Frohike thought he had died and gone to heaven. Never in his wildest, smuttiest dreams could he have envisioned the pure pleasure the Mavis and Bea were providing. Their talented hands and tongues seemed to be everywhere. For his part, Frohike was no slouch. Judging from the reaction he was getting he went with the flow. When Mavis whispered in his ear how she and Bea would love to keep him warm in the long winter nights, he kissed first Mavis then Bea and gladly told them he would be only too delighted to let them keep him warm. He spared nary a thought for his erstwhile companions, he'd found his wildest dream and he wasn't about to blow it. 

Maggie and Brad reached even new heights of passion using a move from the Kama Sutra that Mavis and Bea would have been able to identify if they had not been so otherwise occupied. 

Gradually even with all the activity in the hot tub, they became aware of their surroundings. A horn, by the sound of it, being sat upon intruded. 

"Good Lord, that's a Porsche horn, you don't suppose the queen b*tch Fowley has someone in her car do you?" Frohike mused while sipping champagne offered to him by Mavis. The sisters had, after all, not arrived at the party empty handed. 

"Well whoever, poor devil. . ." The others shrugged in agreement. 

The next thing they heard was the velvet tones of that old crooning devil CSM himself, "Makes me wonder who kept Maggie happy, When Commodore Scully would go out to sea. . ." 

Maggie erupted in giggles, "Oh wouldn't he just like to know. . ." 

"Why don't we go see what's up?" Brad offered. 

Mavis restarted the music (thankfully the stereo had survived the tsunami of lurve) and the conga line reformed and headed for the house. . . 

* * *

**PART 86**

Mork and Alvin descended down the stairs and heard the sounds of applause coming from the living room, "Wonder what that's all about," Alvin commented. 

"Who knows, but it sounds like fun," Mork replied, playfully ruffling the tuft of Alvin's chipmunk ears. "Maybe we should go see what's going on," 

Hand-in-paw they casually entered the living room and saw the gathering around Langly and CSM. CSM was sipping something from a mug while the group of Wenches and Cabana Boys were chanting, "More! More! More!" 

"Just what is going on?" Alvin demanded, but with less than his usual belligerence. "And where is Meepy?" 

"I'm over here, Pops!" Meepmork replied, lifting his baby arms at the sight of his furry fathers (okay, so Mork isn't as furry as Alvin but he's still pretty damn furry!). 

Mork hurried over to the infant and picked him up in his arms, "Where is your mother?" he asked with some concern. 

"Aw, Mom went out to shag the Alpha Geek," Meepmork answered, happily pulling on Mork's nose. "She left me with Auntie Wench TeeJay, but now she's upstairs boffing the guy they call the Surly Punctual God." 

"That's Pectoral God," the Wenches all shouted in unison. 

"You mean that Skinner has been up there all this time ..." Alvin began, leaving the sentence unfinished. 

"You've got it, Big Al," Langly replied, cracking his knuckles and giving his fingers a stretch. "Seems the Skinman is really a Superman ... in at least one respect." 

"I'M STILL TALKING!" Meepmork screamed, kicking his little legs in a royal temper fit. 

"Will you all please be quiet," Mork pleaded. "Our son needs to finish expressing himself. I don't want him to feel stifled by adults ignoring what he has to say. It could irreparably damage his self-esteem." 

"Oh hell, he's a liberal," GoScully muttered, rolling her eyes. 

"A liberal, an animal and an arch-b!tch," Ta2Betty whispered. "They should cancel each other out in the child-rearing." 

"Good point!" GoScully whispered back. 

"Anyway, I got left with these two Wenches over here and they palmed me off on Old Smoky over there," Meepmork continued. "I asked Smoky to sing and he's been singing." 

"That's a bit of an oversimplification, young man," CSM interjected blandly between sips of hot whiskey, honey and lemon (very soothing to the singer's throat). "You screamed and carried on and finally to get you to quiet down I agreed to sing for you. Gentlemen, if you don't mind my saying so, that child of yours is a holy terror." 

"Dot's my boy!" Alvin beamed, coming over to where Mork was standing with Meepmork and giving him a not-so-gentle chuck under the chin. 

"Thanks, Pops!" Meepmork replied, responding with an extremely forceful sock on Alvin's jaw. "Anyway, this old guy's really pretty good. He's been singing a song about all of these sex-crazed, whacked out loonies around here." 

"Really?" Mork's interest was piqued. "Sounds like my kind of song." 

"Well, then, come on Smokestack," Alvin ordered, rubbing his throbbing jaw. "Let's hear what you've got." 

CSM took one last swallow of his drink and gestured to Langly, who once again began to play the keyboard as CSM allowed the dulcet tones to pour from his smoke-scarred throat: 
    
    
         "Lurve is in the air 
         At the Doggett house tonight 
         Lurve is in the air 
         Sex is happening left and right 
         Walter Skinner hasn't been seen for hours 
         His endurance is a wonder to behold! 
         And from the happy looks of all of the Wenches 
         It looks like he's never gonna fold." 
    

Here CSM paused, took a deep breath and said, "Now everybody join in the chorus 
    
    
         Lurve is in the air! 
         Lurve is in the air! 
         Lurve is in the air!" 
    

* * *

**PART 87**

Upstairs in the bedroom, TeeJay was slipping her toga back into place when she felt strong yet tender hands placing it just so that it draped her lovely shoulders and then felt lips lightly brush the skin along the nape of her neck. Then strong arms encircled her and she turned around and tilted her head so she was looking up into Skinner's eyes. "If you keep doing that we may never go back downstairs," she murmured. 

"Would you really mind that," Skinner asked, lightly nuzzling her neck. 

TeeJay twined her arms about him, delighting in the feeling of running her fingers up and down his spine and enjoying the way his body tensed ever so slightly as she did so. "You know that I wouldn't mind, Walter," she replied. "I'd stay up here for days ... weeks if we could." 

Skinner stopped nuzzling and regarded her with an expression suddenly gone serious. "Do you really mean that?" 

TeeJay was puzzled by this sudden change in his mood and her puzzlement showed on her face, "Of course I mean it, Walter. Why would you doubt that?" 

"Then how about coming away with me for a week," Skinner enquired. 

Oh, now I know he's just pulling my leg, TeeJay thought to herself. She tossed her head and laughed archly, "Oh of course, Walter. Where shall we go ... Tahiti? Maybe the Virgin Islands?" 

"We can go anywhere that you want, TeeJay," Skinner replied. "It's entirely up to you." 

TeeJay stepped back out of his embrace and looked up at him in total bewilderment. "Walter ... are you really serious?" 

Skinner took her hands in his and held them tightly, his eyes meeting hers. "I'm very serious, TeeJay," he answered. "Look, I've got hours of leave and if I don't use it I'm going to lose it. With this alien conspiracy threat solved I can actually afford to take some time off for a change. And we both know that with so many new Wenches joining the ranks I haven't really been able to give you the attention you deserve." 

"But Walter, I haven't complained ..." TeeJay began. 

"I know you haven't, sweetheart," Skinner replied with a fond smile. "But it's long past time that I gave my senior Wench my full and complete attention. No work distractions ... no Wenches to induct and initiate ... just you and me. We can go anywhere you want to go and spend one glorious week together. What do you say?" 

"What do I say," TeeJay exclaimed as she threw herself into his arms and covered his face and his lovely, shiny bald head with kisses, "I say when do we leave!" 

* * *

**PART 88**

"What more do you want me to say, Scully?" Mulder was practically whining as he and Scully emerged from the doorway that led to the basement stairs. "I'm sorry I said anything about Diana. But I really don't understand why you're so upset about it." 

"Honestly, Mulder you can be so dense sometimes," Scully exclaimed, shoving him along ahead of her. "How do you think it makes me feel to hear you talking about your ex-lover's singing skills? I mean, how insensitive can you be?" 

"Scully, it was just a comment," Mulder tried to soothe his obviously outraged partner. "Besides, it was only about her singing ...not about her skills in the bedroom." 

"How would you know anything about bedroom skills?" Scully shot back. "Until tonight you HAD no bedroom skills." 

"Well, I see you two are still going at it," came the unmistakable voice of John Doggett as he came down the stairs and joined them in the foyer. "I would have thought by now you'd be all cooey and clingy and you're still fightin' like cats and dogs." 

"Yeah, well you know how it goes sometimes," Mulder replied sulkily. 

"Where's Agent Reyes?" Scully asked, looking around. 

"Aw, she's right behind me," Doggett replied. 

Scully and Mulder looked up and sure enough there was Reyes coming down the stairs. Giving Doggett a look of complete disdain, she swept right by all three of them into the living room. She moved regally, her head held high, until she tripped on the edge of the rug and did a major belly flop onto the living room floor. 

At a signal from Wench Mary, two of the Cabana Boys (who bore striking resemblances to David Letterman and Maurice Benard) helped her to her feet. "Are you okay, ma'am?" CBMaurice asked as they helped her to the leather armchair. 

"Oh ... yes I'm fine, thank you," Reyes replied, blushing profusely and rubbing her aching knees with both hands. 

Mulder and Scully looked at each other and then they looked at Doggett, "Okay, what did you do now?" Scully asked. 

"I didn't do anything," Doggett protested. "Why do you jump to conclusions that I did something wrong?" 

"Just call it my 'idiot gauge ...my wits,'" Scully answered. 

"Besides, it's pretty obvious she's upset about something," Mulder chimed in. 

"Look, all I did was tell her that she was good," Doggett exclaimed in frustration. 

Scully's jaw dropped, Mulder paused for a moment and looked slightly puzzled, "I don't get it," he said, scratching his head. 

"After we were through ... you know," Doggett replied, his ears turning slightly red. "She asked me how it was and I told her it was good. I guess that was a mistake because the next thing I know she's kickin' me out of my own bed and then she's off on some tangent howling and wailing like a banshee." 

"Actually, she was wailing like a whale," Wench Mausie called out from the living room. 

"John Doggett, sometimes you can be such a jackass," Scully said through gritted teeth. 

"I don't understand why she got so upset about that, Scully," Mulder spoke with considerable puzzlement. "Seems to me she'd be pleased." 

"You WOULD think that," Scully hissed at him. "Mr. Sensitivity who talks about an ex-lover's singing talent when he's in bed with me. Honestly ... you ... you ... MEN!" and Scully stalked into the living room. 

Doggett turned to Mulder, "What the hell is she talkin' about?" he asked. 

Mulder shrugged, "Earlier we heard Diana singing out in her Porsche. I guess she was doing it with someone since that's about the only time she ever sings." 

"Hey ... I thought I heard that," Doggett said, snapping his fingers, "Didn't that go something like 'I'm a Sturgeon?" 

"Uh ... not quite," Mulder replied. "Anyway, I said something about how she never sang that particular song to me when we were making it and the next thing I know a lamp goes whizzing by my head." 

Doggett chuckled softly, "Hot damn, Mulder. You may be in more trouble with Scully than I'm in with Monica." 

Mulder shook his head, "I don't know, Doggett," he sighed. "I can figure out the criminal mind, puzzle out labyrinthine conspiracies, track down the most elusive aliens ... but this whole relationship thing between a man and a woman is a complete puzzle to me." 

"Tell me about it," Doggett exclaimed, clapping Mulder on the shoulder. "But let's not worry any more about it right now. Dollars to doughnuts we'll still be hearing about it for the next coupla months, so right now let's forget it, grab a drink and go mingle out there." 

"You're on, Agent Doggett," Mulder agreed and the two men headed for the living room ...and the bar. 

* * *

**PART 89**

"Looks like quite a party is going on here," Skinner's deep baritone cut through the noisy din in the living room. 

Everyone turned to see Skinner and TeeJay enter the room, Skinner's arm lightly encircling TeeJay's shapely waist. Skinner was now casually dressed in blue jeans and a navy blue cashmere sweater that showed off every muscle in his magnificent body, causing every Wench to sigh deeply (even Reyes and Scully gave him an appraising glance). And naturally, TeeJay looked stunning wrapped in her becoming toga and a full coat of "Skinner Afterglow." She quickly made her way over to where Ta2Betty and GoScully were sitting on the couch and they made room for her, Ta2Betty handing her a Skinnerita. "I really didn't expect you down so soon," GoScully whispered. 

"Well, He has had a busy night," TeeJay whispered, accepting her Skinnerita and taking a long swallow. 

"Oh, I was afraid of that," Ta2Betty mourned. "You were so patient but by the time you got your chance ..." 

"Don't worry about it, Ta2," TeeJay replied, her eyes twinkling over the rim of her glass. "Sometimes patience brings its own rewards." 

GoScully eyed her suspiciously, "There's something going on, isn't there?" she queried. "Come on girl ... spill it." 

"Well ..." TeeJay paused for dramatic affect. "His Surliness is taking a week off and he's taking me with him!" 

"Hot Damn!" GoScully exclaimed. "A week with the Surly Pectoral God ... you'll walk spraddle-legged for a month!" 

"I know," giggled TeeJay. "But it will be worth it." 

Ta2Betty regarded her Wench sister with loving pride. "Of course it will," she said happily as she refilled TeeJay's glass. "And I'm so happy for you, TeeJay. You deserve this." 

"Thank you, Ta2, that means a lot to me," TeeJay replied, her face lit with her beautiful smile. "It truly is a dream come true." 

"GoScully, I think we need to toast this moment," Ta2Betty filled GoScully's glass before filling her own, and then she lifted it. "To our Wench Sister TeeJay .. for the next week .. may a piece of Skinner be in you!" 

"Amen to that!" GoScully exclaimed. 

"I've no doubt it will be," TeeJay replied and the ladies clinked their glasses happily. 

Meanwhile Skinner joined Mulder and Doggett over at the bar. "Well it's high time you came downstairs," Doggett exclaimed. "You've been upstairs for hours." 

Skinner shrugged "Hey, some of us take a little more time than others," he replied. He turned to the Cabana Boy hosting the bar (who bore an amazing resemblance to Lane Davies), "Have you got a Kilian's Red back there?" 

"Of course, Mr. Skinner," the obedient Cabana Boy produced an ice cold bottle of Kilian' and handed it over. 

"Wait a minute, I don't keep Kilian's here," Doggett said in surprise. "I drink Budweiser." 

"Oh, we brought this along," CBLane replied. "We always bring a selection of Mr. Skinner's favorite beverages. Our Wenches would be very upset with us if we didn't, even though they only drink Skinneritas." 

"Man, you've really got things worked out with these Wenches, don't you?" Mulder questioned as he took a long pull on his Bud Light (Mulder only drinks light beers ... he doesn't want to develop a beer belly or love handles). "I never would have figured you for a party guy." 

"We all have our secrets, Agent Mulder," Skinner replied after taking a long swallow of his beer. "For instance, I happen to know from one of my newest Wenches ... Mausie ... that you had a rather painful secret. A bit of a problem that she was able to help you resolve." 

Mulder smiled sheepishly. "So she told you about that, huh?" 

"Of course she did," Skinner replied calmly. "She's one of my Wenches. Shall I presume that all is now well in that particular regard?" 

"Absolutely," Mulder replied. "Thanks to my little talk with Dear Old Dad the Smokestack and my experience with Mausie and the Fouf, I don't think I'll be having that problem again." 

"I'm sure Agent Scully will be relieved," Skinner said smoothly before turning to Doggett. "By the way, thank you for your assistance earlier with GoScully. Your performance was very effective." 

"Aw don't mention it," Doggett laughed. "It was kinda fun and I was glad to do it." 

Skinner reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a piece of paper, holding it out to Doggett. "Well, I'm still grateful and I'd like to return the favor. Here's something you may be interested in having." 

"Oh, what it is?" Doggett asked. 

"Wench Poochespup's address and telephone number," Skinner replied. "As you know, I can only give my Wenches attention on an infrequent basis. Poochie would definitely enjoy hearing from you during those times when I can't keep her occupied." 

No fool Doggett, he quickly snatched the piece of paper from Skinner's hand and slipped it into his own pocket, "Thank you, sir," he replied with a huge grin. 

"I appreciate the information." 

"Give a little, get a little, Agent Doggett," Skinner grinned back. 

Suddenly the front door crashed open and there was dead silence as a lone figure staggered into the room. The once perfectly tailored suit was now hanging loosely, the jacket and blouse gaping open. The brown hair, once carefully set in place was now a tangled mass. The eyes were wide and fixed with an unbelieving stare. The mouth was hanging wide open to facilitate the gulping of air. The figure staggered, spraddle-legged towards the first available chair and collapsed, spent and gasping. 

"MOM!!!!!" Baby Meepmork exclaimed. "What the hell happened?" 

Bedraggled and utterly used, Diana Fowley could only point towards the foyer where the figure of John Fitzgerald Byers now appeared. Byers paused for a moment, his thumbs fixed jauntily in his belt buckle, his shirt half open exposing a not-half-bad chest. His own hair and beard were tousled. His entire attitude conveyed total confidence and, for the first time, he literally exuded male sexuality. He c@cked one eyebrow at the gathered throng and then strode casually over to the bar. "Give me a whiskey," he demanded. 

"Holy crap, what the hell is going on here?" Doggett exclaimed. 

"What does it look like, Agent Doggett," Byers answered calmly. "I've been doing Diana Fowley." 

Scully's professional concern as a physician took over and she moved to Fowley's side, a glass of water in her hand. "Agent Fowley, are you all right.," she asked as she handed the pathetic scrap of humanity that was once the high and mighty Diana Fowley the water. 

"Gimme that!" Fowley snatched the water out of Scully's hands and drained it in a gulp. Then she pointed to Byers, her ample bosom heaving with violent emotion. "That man ..." she gasped ... "is an animal!" 

Byers sauntered forward and knelt down beside her "Aw, admit it Di," he teased. "You loved every filthy minute." 

First Fowley shook her head "No," then she nodded "Yes" before the eyes rolled back in her head and she slumped back in the chair. Scully quickly took her pulse. "She's okay," she reported. "Good God, Byers, what did you do to her?" 

Byers stood back up and gave Scully a long, cool look. "If you really want to know, I'll be happy to take you upstairs and show you, Dana," he replied calmly. 

This was too much for CSM, and he signaled to Langly who struck up the chords on his keyboard for the final verse of CSM's song. 
    
    
         "Lurve is in the air 
         At the Doggett house you see ... 
         Lurve is in the air 
         For everybody but me! 
         Mulder, Doggett, Reyes, Follmer and both Scullys 
         Skinner, Wenches, the Geek and the Fowl one too 
         Even the alien and the chipmunk got lucky ... 
         Is it any wonder I'm feelin' so blue? 
         Lurve is in the air! 
         Lurve is in the air! 
         Lurve is in the air! 
         Lurve .. is in ... the aiiiirrrrr!" 
    

And we're overdue for another commercial ... after all, we need more eye candy ... er ... time with Alex. 

* * *

**PART 90**

The screen fades to black and enter Alex Krycek. 

"Hello again ... this is your host, Alex Krycek. Before we proceed to the finale of this little entertainment, we thought we'd give you a peek at the latest addition to the Fox line-up for 2003-2004. The title is Who Wants to be An Overaged Vegas Lounge Star?, our new series. You are going to see some near-great has-beens doing their best to extend their 15 minutes of fame by competing in this re-tread of Star Search. You'll thrill to seeing Mr. Spock and Captain Kirk perform the legendary Who's On First comedy routine. And you won't want to miss Peg and Al Bundy performing that touching duet "My Cup Runneth Over," from the old musical 'I Do I Do.' And if you don't believe me ... just take a look at this clip from the Cigarette Smoking Man's performance of I Am Opinionated People, the Ballad of The X-Files Official Site Message Board." 

Cut to CSM, in a 1970s bright orange leisure suit and a 'Fro 

(Sung to the tune of "I Am Everyday People" by Sly and the Family Stone) 
    
    
         "I know I'm right, and I know you're wrong, 
         My beliefs are all that count, that's in my song. 
         Shippers, Drippers, Noromos and Trolls 
         You all sing the same song whatever your roles. 
         And it's I am opinionated people! 
         There is the Mulder fan who cannot stand the Doggett fan 
         While Scully fans loathe Reyes fans 
         And all claim to be true fans. 
         Different strokes ... in here that's a joke! 
         And so on and so on and scoobie doobie doobie. 
         Ooooo! Sha! Sha! 
         We hate trying to live together! 
         I am much better than any of you! 
         My opinions matter most ... these are widely held views. 
         Flaming and bashing is all very fine ... 
         Just don'tcha sound off about a favorite of mine! 
         You are all opinionated people! 
         We think William is important ... 
         No, William is a bad plot device! 
         Chris Carter is a genius 
         No Chris Carter is a jackass! 
         Different strokes ...at the OS that's a joke! 
         And so on and so on and scoobie doobie doobie! 
         Ooooo! Sha! Sha! 
         We just can't seem to live together!" 
    

Lights fade on CSM and come back up on Alex Krycek. 

"Wasn't that just great, folks? That was our very own Cigarette Smoking Man giving us a preview of what you'll see on Fox's latest series, 'Who Wants to Be an Overaged Vegas Lounge Star,' premiering on Sundays at 9 on the Fox Network. And now, back to our show." 

* * *

**PART 91**

We return to the Doggett living room. 

The room was filled with applause for CSM and Langly and their inspired performance. Alvin wandered over to where they stood and clapped CSM on the shoulder, "You know, you two actually may have something here," he commented. 

"You might want to pursue this seeing as how you're out of work now." 

"Excuse me?" CSM enquired politely. "What do you mean out of work." 

"Sorry to break this to you, Smoky, but now that the word is out about us ... that the aliens are no longer a threat, your power is gone," Alvin replied with a smirk. "Hope you've laid aside a good nest egg because you're gonna need it." 

"He's right, you know," Mulder said with a sigh. "You don't have anything to hold over the various world governments anymore. You're just another old man who used to have some power. Sort of like Gorbachev or Gerald Ford." 

"If I'm out of work than so are you, Mulder," CSM retorted. "With the threat of an invasion removed there will no longer be any need for an X-Files unit in the FBI." 

"Like that has anything to do with me," Mulder smirked. "You're forgetting that I was fired by the FBI. Closing down the X-Files unit won't affect me one bit." 

"Damn, that's right," CSM muttered. "Still, what about your life's work chasing UFOs? All of that's gone." 

Mulder shrugged, "There's still more than enough paranormal phenomena out there to keep me off the unemployment rolls," he commented drily. "Besides, Mom and Pop Mulder left me pretty well-to-do so it's not like I have to work for a living. And Scully's still bringing home a government check for slicing and dicing up and Quantico." 

Scully frowned as she realized that Mulder was counting on her to continue working at Quantico ... cutting up corpses was not her idea of a great career path. "Uh, Mulder ... we need to talk about that," she interrupted. "I was really kind of thinking of giving that up." 

"Damn, that reminds me of why we came here in the first place," Byers interrupted. "We came here looking for you, Mulder. We have a hot tip for you about a place you really need to visit. They're having an outbreak of vampirism." 

Mulder's eyes began to sparkle at the word vampirism. "You're kidding, me, right?" 

"No, he's not," Langly replied. "We've been watching reports on this place for a while. It seems like there's a real outbreak of vampires there. Doctors ... orderlies ... nurses ... there's even a rock and roll band that's made up of nothing but vampires." 

"Please don't tell me this place is in Texas," Scully muttered as she recalled their last encounter with creatures of the night. 

"No, it's a town in upstate New York ... a place called Port Charles." Byers answered. 

"Why does that name a ring a bell," Mulder asked. 

"Oh, that's a town attracts all kinds of strange stuff," Byers replied. "Almost 20 years ago there was this strange weather phenomenon ... a blizzard and a miniature ice age in the middle of the summer." 

"And just before that there was this Lhasa fever epidemic," Langly continued. 

"I remember reading about that in the archives," Scully commented as she remembered some of her early medical reading. "They never really figured out how an African hantavirus made it to a town in New York." 

"The place has also been a hotbed of criminal activity for years," CSM commented. "It's amazing how illegal activity has continued to flourish. Everyone in town knows who the criminals are but local and federal law enforcement seems powerless." 

"Strange ..." Mulder whispered, his eyes beginning to get that gleam that Scully knew all too well. 

"Oh ... and there are even reports that the town was visited by an alien," Langly continued. "Back in 1990 I think it was." 

"That's why I remember the name of the town," Mulder exclaimed, snapping his fingers. "There were some reports about that in the X-Files ... the daughter of the city's police commissioner claimed to have been visited by an alien from a planet called Lumina." 

CSM began to fidget a little and Mork and Alvin exchanged glances. "Uh ... well ... there is some truth to all of that." Alvin began. "Except that Casey wasn't really from Lumina ... he just picked that name because it was a popular Chevrolet car at the time." 

"You mean ..." Scully began. 

"Yep, Casey is actually my brother from Ork," Mork replied. "He was sent here to explore things on the East Coast while I took care of the West Coast. But he had a wife and kids back on Ork so he couldn't hang around for very long." 

"Anyway, now the town has this vampire plague." Byers resumed. "When we heard about this we thought you would be interested, Mulder." 

"Interested is right, I've got to get to that town," Mulder exclaimed, his face alight with boyish enthusiasm. "That town sounds like my kind of place." 

"B ... but Mulder," Scully touched his arm to get his attention. "What about me? What about us?" 

"What do you mean, what about us?" Mulder asked Scully in some confusion. 

"Well Mulder ... here you are getting ready to take off for this Port Charles place," Scully explained. "But what am I supposed to do?" 

"You're supposed to come with me, of course," Mulder replied matter-of-factly. 

"Mulder, I can't!" Scully exclaimed. "I've got a job ... a child ... my mother ..." 

"Uh, excuse me Red, but you haven't got a kid," Meepmork piped up. "You are NOT my mother and I have NO intention of going ANYWHERE with you." 

"That's right, Agent Scully," Mork chimed in, "You have no claim on Meepmork. He's mine ... and Alvin's." 

"Mork and I discussed this while you were doing the horizontal mambo with Agent Pretty Boy here," Alvin said sternly, his arm encircling his holy terror offspring. "We're taking Meepmork home with us." 

"I have plenty of room on my estate in Beverly Hills," Mork continued, putting his arm around Alvin. "Our son will have everything he needs." 

"How can you say that ... he won't have a mother," Scully exclaimed. 

"Yes he will," Alvin replied. "Diana Fowley will be coming with us so she can provide Meepmork with all of the maternal attention he needs for the next several years." 

"Principally her milk-full nugs," Meepmork piped up. "Which is something you can't give me anymore. Besides, she's a hell of a lot more fun than you are." 

"Awwww!" Fowley beamed as she stood up on her unsteady legs and staggered over to where her new family was standing, "That's my boy," 

"Uh ... listen Mom, you'd better go the john and clean yourself up a bit ... you look like a waterfront hooker during Fleet Week," Meepmork chided as he pulled back. "And hurry up ... I'm getting hungry!" 

"Well, that takes care of the kid," Mulder told Scully. "And you can't tell me you're upset about it." 

"No, to tell you the truth it's a relief to have the whining, screaming, temperamental brat off my hands," Scully replied with a smile. "Let Fowley and the odd couple have all the fun of raising him. But what about my job?" 

"What about it, Scully?" Mulder asked. "You can't tell me that you like cutting up stiffs and feeding facts to a bunch of agent wannabes more than running around the world with me." 

"Well ...." 

"Think about it Scully," Mulder urged. "It'll be like it used to be. Just the two of us ... on the trail of living, breathing, bloodsucking vampires. Only this time we won't have to worry about filing expense reports or trying to write case histories that Skinner and the higher ups will believe. We'll be on our own, having the time of our lives." 

"You make it sound so inviting, Mulder," Scully sighed. "Still ... I don't know ..." 

Mulder grabbed Scully by the shoulders and turned her so she was looking into his eyes, "Scully, you have to come with me," he pleaded. "I can't do it alone. I need you with me. You've made me a whole person ... a complete man." 

Scully's eyes filled with tears as she looked mistily up at him, "You mean I'm your touchstone, Mulder?" she asked tenderly. 

"Well, I was thinking you're my sex kitten, but yeah, I guess you're my touchstone, too," Mulder replied. "Not to mention that with your medical training and my history of injuries the free medical care will save me a bundle. Come on, Scully ... what do you say?" 

Scully giggled and threw her arms around Mulder's neck, hugging him close, "I say ... okay, let's get out of Washington and head for the freedom of Port Charles," Scully exclaimed happily. "Just let me tell my mother and then let's get out of town." 

Diana Fowley stalked out of the bathroom, once again the perfect image of the Queen B!tch Goddess of the Cosmos, and re-entered the room just in time to hear Scully's final words to Mulder. "Listen, you midget, before you take off for parts unknown you need to hand over all of Meepmork's baby stuff," she exclaimed. "I'm damned if I'm going shopping for that crap." 

"You don't need to worry about it, Ms. Fowley," Mork replied. "I've already called and my servants are out buying everything we will need for Meepmork ... as well as some things to tide you over for a day or two until you can shop for yourself." 

"And there's enough diapers and other stuff in the kid's diaper bag to last us until we get to Hollywood." Alvin finished. "Mork's got his plane on standby so we really should be taking off soon." 

"Now just a minute there," Fowley exclaimed. "You guys may think you have everything all worked out but you didn't get MY okay on all of this. What makes you think I'm going anywhere with you." 

Alvin handed Meepmork over to Mork and stalked over to where Fowley was standing. "It's very simple ... our son needs you so until he can do without you and the things you can provide ..." 

"Like your milk," Meepmork piped up. 

"You will be living with us," Alvin said sternly. "You will be free to live the rest of your life any way that you see fit. You will be given an obscene amount of money to do with as you please and once Meepmork doesn't need you we won't hold you back." 

Fowley turned and glanced at Byers and then back to Alvin, "What if I say I want HIM to come with us?" 

Alvin looked over at Byers and shrugged, "I don't have a problem with that," he turned and looked at Mork. "Mork, do you have any issues with bringing the Alpha Geek along?" 

"None at all," Mork answered. "It's a big estate ... there's plenty of room. How about you, son?" 

"Sure, why not?" Meepmork chimed in. "As long as Mom is getting it regularly it'll keep her from getting b!tchy. Which means her milk won't go sour. Looks like a win/win to me." 

Fowley made her way over to Byers and placed her hands on his shoulders, looking up at him appealingly. "John ... what do you say? You want to come with us?" 

"Now wait a minute!" Langly interrupted. "You can't leave, Byers. What about the Lone Gunmen ... our magazine ... our computer network ..." 

Byers looked from Langly to Fowley. "Hmm ... let me see," he mused. "I can go to Hollywood with Diana, spend my life living as a comfortable kept man, live in luxury and have wild sex on a regular basis." 

"That's right, beefy buns," Fowley beamed. 

"Or I can go back to our tenement walk-up that I share with two geeks, grind away on a magazine that nobody reads, write rubber checks to pay the bills and hope that the Wally's Cheesesteak stand keeps giving us credit," Byers continued. "Sheesh, what a tough choice." 

"Then you mean ..." Fowley said hopefully. 

Byers grabbed Fowley in his arms, clutching her tightly, allowing his hands to roam over her rounded hips while her own hands found his firm butt. "I mean I'm yours, you Queen B!tch Goddess of the Cosmos," he growled, grinding himself into her. 

"Mmmrrwwwooorrr... that's my animal," Fowley purred. "We'll have the time of our lives." 

"Now that we've settled that, let's get our things together and head on out to the airport," Mork exclaimed. "It's time we got home and put our son to bed." 

"Not so fast," Meepmork cried out. "Before we leave I wanna say goodbye to Grandma Scully." 

"Now why do you want to do that," Alvin asked, puzzled. "She's not really your grandmother." 

"Oh, that's so sweet," Scully exclaimed, tears again filling her blue eyes. "You really do love your Grandma Scully." 

"Don't make me puke with that sappy talk," Meepmork retorted. "I just wanna see how she looks after doin' it with the blond stud for ... yikes ... it's been about 12 hours. She's gotta be walkin' spraddle-legged by now." 

Poor Langly just shook his head, trying to figure out what was going on and realizing that Byers was slipping away from him. Little did Langley know that it wasn't only Byers who made a choice for a future that did not include him. . . 

* * *

**PART 92**

The door from the kitchen burst open and the nekkid conga line congaed into the room. Led by a radiantly vibrant Maggie Scully they had left the boom box behind and were making their own music. Snaking around the room, if one could ignore the fact that all five were indeed starkers, one could see that they actually were all rather good at the conga. Jaws dropped all round the room as Maggie led her intrepid dance troupe weaving around the various inhabitants. 

Little Meepy finally found the ability to talk first, "Way to go Granny. Shake your booty. It's afeckingmazing that you can still walk let alone dance." 

Maggie shot Meepy the bird but continued leading the conga line, right up until Scully stood in front of her. 

"Mother!!!" 

"Oh hello Dana, you really need to do something about the mutant toddler's mouth." The conga line having stopped, Brad wrapped his arms around Maggie's waist, while Mavis and Bea protectively surrounded Frohike. 

"Frohike" yelped Langley, "not you too. . ." 

Mulder, meanwhile was eyeing Maggie speculatively, remembering having read that if you wanted to know what the daughter was like, check out the mother. He was liking what he saw and a big grin spreaad across his face. 

It was hard to tell who at the bigger grin, Byers or Frohike, but Langley looked from one to the other and realization began to dawn that his life was about to take a very different turn. . . 

"And one more thing, Dana," Maggie was slowing grinding her hips against Brad who was breaking into a grin of his own. . ."When Brad and I settle down in France, you're more than welcome to come visit, with proper notice of course, and you're welcome to bring Fox, but get this straight, I'm not having that little mutant holy terror in my villa." 

"Villa, France? Mother what on earth on you talking about?" 

"A new life dear, a lovely new life with lots and lots of lovely sex." 

While Diana Fowley was very proud of having her offspring referred to as a mutant holy terror, she did not take kindly to Maggie Scully's tone of voice ... or to the fact that Maggie Scully had a hell of a good-looking blond stud following in her wake. "Listen here, you miserable old harpy," she declared. "You are NEVER going to see MY child in your home. In fact you'll never lay eyes on him again if I have anything to say about it." 

Maggie stopped dancing and turned abruptly, "What do you mean, your child?" 

Scully, grasped her mother's arm, "Mom, I haven't had a chance to tell you ... William ... that is ... Meepmork ... he's not really my baby." 

Maggie looked at her daughter with some bewilderment, "Dana, what are you talking about? Of course he's yours ... I saw you carry him for 12 months." 

"Mrs. Scully, it turns out that Dana was only a surrogate mother for the kid," Mulder explained. "He's really a product of genetic engineering ... a hybrid alien/mutant chipmunk/human baby." 

"I just found out about this tonight, Mom," Scully continued, taking her mother's hands. "He was conceived in a laboratory using DNA from Mork and Alvin over there. And Diana Fowley supplied the human DNA. Then Dr. Parenti transplanted him into me." 

"So you're telling me he is not our flesh and blood at all?" Maggie exclaimed. 

Scully's lower lip trembled as she realized what a blow this would probably be to her mother. "That's right, Mom," she whispered. "He's not mine or Mulder's. And Mork, Alvin and Agent Fowley are going to take him away with them to raise him." 

"Oh sweetie," Maggie exclaimed as she released Scully's hands and swept her into her maternal embrace. "Oh, my little girl ..." 

"Mom, I know how you're feeling," Scully whispered as she hugged her mother. "I know this comes as a surprise to you ..." 

"Surprise ... you'd better believe it," Maggie Scully exclaimed. "I don't believe it ... after all of this time, we're free. You have your life back and I can move on with mine." 

Scully stiffened and stepped out of Maggie's embrace, looking at her with surprise. "Mom, I don't understand ..." 

"I always knew there was something strange about that child and now I know why." Maggie told her daughter, gently stroking her hair. "I didn't want to tell you about all of his strange ways ... his levitating objects ... the way he'd sing in strange tongues ... the way he'd float me around the room." 

"You mean you knew about all of that and you never said a word to me," Scully enquired. 

"I didn't want to worry you or make you feel bad by implying that you had produced a weird kid," Maggie explained. "But I always felt that there was something off. Now we know why. And now instead of our problem he's somebody else's problem. This is the second best news I've had all year." 

"Second best?" Mulder asked, arching his eyebrow. 

"Well, the best news I had all year was that Brad was going to join me in the South of France," Maggie replied. "His being axed from the FBI was the best thing to happen to both of us ... the only thing holding me back was my worry about you and the baby, but I figured what the hell, I only live once. And now I don't have to worry about the baby ... just you and that strange job you have with the FBI." 

"Actually, Mom, I'm leaving the FBI," Scully told her. "I'm going away with Mulder." 

"You're giving up your job?" Maggie asked. 

"She really doesn't need to work there anymore, Mrs. Scully," Mulder interrupted, putting his arm around Scully. "We're going out on our own to conduct our own paranormal investigations. I'm pretty well off so money won't be a problem." 

"Besides, I'm a medical doctor, Mom," Scully continued. "Let's face it ... I can find a job anywhere." 

"I know .. but ..." Maggie began. 

"The important thing is that Mulder and I will be together," Scully said as she scrunched just a little closer to Mulder. 

"Well Amen and Hallelujah!" Maggie exclaimed. "You two have finally figured out that you can't live without each other. It's about damn time, too." 

Mulder gave Maggie his boyish grin, "Yeah, it did take us quite a while, didn't it?" 

Maggie smiled happily and embraced Mulder, not without a touch of regret that this particular prize was passing from her arms forever (Maggie had her principles ... she would never go after her own daughter's man!). Still, it wasn't a bad bargain ... she had Bad Brad and now she could leave to enjoy her golden years basking in the warm golden sunshine of the South of France and the attentions of her golden stud. 

As for Mulder, he couldn't resist slipping his hand down the small of Maggie's naked back and allowing his fingertips to rest on her still superb naked butt. He mouthed a silent prayer that Scully would look half this good when she got to be Maggie's age. 

Maggie pulled away from Mulder and smiled up at him, "You look out for my daughter, Fox," she warned. "If you don't ..." 

Mulder nodded solemnly. "I will, Mrs. Scully." 

Then Maggie embraced Scully one more time. Scully put her arms around her mother and hugged her close. "I'm going to miss you, Mom," she whispered. 

Maggie smiled serenely as she stroked her daughter's head, "Oh honey ... you'll be too busy enjoying your new life with Fox to miss me. And to be honest, I'll be so busy enjoying my new life with Brad that I don't think I'm going to miss you all that much, either. But we'll both be happy, and that's what counts." 

The two Scully women released each other and smiled, each one thinking lovely thoughts of their brand new life. Then Maggie gave her daughter's hand a final squeeze. "Guess I'd better go out to the kitchen and find my clothes so Brad and I can take off." 

As she made her way through the living room, she stopped in front of Meepmork and his new family ... Mork, Alvin and Diana Fowley. "Well, you holy terror, you finally got the family you deserved," she muttered darkly. "Goodbye and good riddance." 

"Same goes for you, ya old battleaxe!" Meepmork replied, sticking his tongue out at her for the last time. 

Maggie eyed the new little family with a baleful glare. "Incidentally, you can expect to be hearing from my attorney in the next few weeks," she informed them coldly. "I will be presenting you with an itemized list of charges for my babysitting services during the past eight months. You owe me a bundle!" 

Meanwhile, Brad Follmer had wandered into the kitchen in search of his clothing. "Now let me see ... the last time I saw my briefs they were ..." 

"They're on the counter," said a sharp feminine voice he knew all too well. 

Follmer winced at the sound, then turned to see Monica Reyes standing in the doorway. "You threw them over there a couple of hours ago." 

Follmer followed the line of her pointing finger and spotted his dark briefs, "Ah yes, thank you Monica. I see them now." 

Reyes walked into the kitchen and approached Follmer. "So, how long have you been having it off with Mrs. Scully?" she enquired. 

"Not that it's any of your business, but Maggie and I have been together since about two weeks after I arrived here in Washington," Follmer replied as he stepped into his briefs and pulled them up, covering up his quite sizeable assets. "We met at one of those fundraisers and the sparks flew." 

"So she's the reason why you never really came back after me," Reyes pouted as she ran her fingers up along Follmer's chest. 

"That's right, Monica," Follmer replied, shivering a little at her touch. "Once I found Maggie ... well ..." 

"Well what?" Reyes asked, running her hand up and down his nicely flat stomach. 

"I knew I had found the woman for me," Follmer replied, as he began to tense up. 

"Oh, right Brad," Reyes hummed, as her hand moved further south, slipping beneath the waistband of his briefs. "You were just waiting for an old woman like Maggie Scully to enter your life," she murmured, moving closer to Follmer, her hand busily seeking. 

Suddenly, she heard Follmer speak in a tone she had never heard before, "You get your hand away from there or I'll break your arm!" 

Reyes looked up into his face, stunned. Follmer's mouth was set into a hard, angry line and the fire in his eyes was not from passion but anger. "B... but ... Brad ..." 

Follmer grasped her wrist forcefully and pulled her hand up, throwing it aside as if it was a particularly loathsome kind of rodent. "Listen to me, you stupid little New Age Twit," he snarled. "Maggie Scully means everything to me. She's everything that you're not and never will be ... smart, funny, beautiful, passionate and the most creative and satisfying bedmate I've ever known." 

"But Brad ... I thought you and I ..." Reyes stammered. 

"Oh, grow up Monica!" Follmer snarled. "When you and I first got it together we used each other. But there was never anything special between us ... you were just a convenient piece for me and I was a stepping stone up the ladder of success for you." 

"That's not true," Reyes exclaimed. "You loved me ... you know you told me that." 

"Of course I told you that, you brainless tramp," Follmer replied with a sneer. 

"But I never meant a word of it. I could never love a little girl who sleeps with every man she sees and thinks she's the greatest lay in the world. I love a woman ... a real woman with a heart and soul and mind. Maggie Scully is that woman. And you're nothing more than a memory to me. So just grow up and accept it." 

Reyes stared at Follmer, her mouth open and her hands flailing, "B...b ...utttt ..." 

Follmer rolled his eyes in disgust as he picked up the rest of his clothes and pushed his way past her, "There you go again making that trout face," he exclaimed. "In case anyone never told you, that's very unattractive. Now excuse me ... my lady is waiting." 

* * *

**PART 93**

"Now ladies, I want you to know how much I appreciate your efforts this evening," Walter Skinner told his Wenches as he followed them outside to where the minibus was waiting. "If not for all of you, I might have remained a Man-Munk for the rest of my life." 

"Oh, we were quite happy to do it," Lady Tigrane said as she stepped up into the bus, first pausing to collect her "goodbye kiss," from the Man. 

Red-haired Wench Mary was next and Skinner bent down to give her a fond embrace, 

"Ah, my Wenchly cure-all," he told her fondly as he kissed her cheek. "I will never forget that you were the one who gave me the bite that cured me." 

"And I will never forget my Wenchly induction," Mary replied. "This has been the greatest night of my life." 

"Ah, and here is Wench Mausie," Skinner continued, taking her hand and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Mausie, thank you for introducing me ... to say nothing of Agent Mulder ... to the joys of the Fouf." 

"Oh, I'm so glad everyone liked it," Wench Mausie giggled as she boarded the bus. 

"Ah, and here is my dear Wench Poochespup," Skinner exclaimed with satisfaction as he bent down to give her a goodbye kiss. He also whispered in her ear, "I believe you can expect a call from a certain agent we both know. He was very pleased to get your phone number from me." 

Poochespup threw her arms around Skinner's neck, "Oh, thank you so much," she replied as she kissed his cheek. "Next to my Surly Pectoral God I do love a blue-eyed Southern man." 

"And here is my dear, Naval-minded GoScully," Skinner smiled as he drew her close for a parting embrace. "No sailor coming back from the sea ever had a better time than I had with you, my dear." 

"Just you wait until you see what I have planned for our next tete-a-tete," GoScully laughed with that mischievous sparkle in her eyes. "It will blow your mind." 

"I can't wait," Skinner laughed as he helped her into the bus. Then he turned and greeted Ta2Betty. "Ah, and here is my sweet Ta2. My dear, no dessert was more satisfying than you were this evening." 

"Ah, you do say the sweetest things," Ta2Betty murmured as she wrapped her arms around Skinner's hard body and lifted her face for her farewell kiss. "And I know that I will never look at chocolate in the same way again." 

Then Skinner turned to where TeeJay was standing and took her hand, "Now everything's arranged," he told her. "I'm going to head back to the office and take care of a couple things and then head home and pack a bag. Then I'll pick you up and we'll head for the airport. You did decide on a destination, didn't you?" 

"Yes, I did," TeeJay replied. "Let's go to Las Vegas. I'd love to spend time in Sin City with you." 

"Perfect," Skinner replied, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. 

"The head of security at the Rio owes me a favor or two so I think I can get us into one of the Palazzo Suites there." 

"Oh, Walter ... that would be heaven," TeeJay replied before his lips were on hers and she was melting in his embrace. 

Skinner broke the kiss, however, saying "Well, we'll have plenty of time for this later on," and he handed her up and into the bus. Once she was seated, he stuck his head in the door of the bus for a final farewell. "Goodbye, Wenches. I'll see all of you at the next Wench Convench." 

Then he stepped out of the bus and the door closed. Through the window he could see the smiling faces of all his beautiful Wenches as they waved and as the bus pulled away and drove down the street he could hear their echoing cries of "Goodbye! Goodbye!" Smiling, he turned and walked up the driveway and back into the Doggett house. 

"Are you sure we have everything?" Mork was asking Fowley as they were hastily stuffing things into Meepmork's diaper bag. 

"Why are you asking me, I don't know anything about baby care?" Fowley snarked at him. "Why don't you ask the kid ... he can speak for himself?" 

"Yes, everything you need for the trip is in the bag," Scully replied. "For God's sake do you think I'd send my ba ...er ... your baby over to my mother's without everything he needed?" 

"Well, I just wanted to make sure," Mork replied. "Then I guess it's time we all said goodbye here and hit the road." 

Fowley wandered over to where Mulder and Scully were standing. "Well, Fox, it was great to see you again," she said with a smile. 

"You too, Diana," Mulder replied with a grin. "Listen, go kind of easy on Byers, okay?" 

"Now why would I do that, Fox?" Fowley grinned back. "You take care of yourself." 

"And you take care of the baby, Agent Fowley," Scully told her sternly. 

"Oh, don't you worry Agent Scully," Fowley replied. "I'll take real good care of little Meepmork." She turned and beckoned to Byers. "Come on outside with me, John. We can have a proper goodbye until you can get out to Hollywood." 

"On my way, you insatiable Queen B!tch," Byers replied as he followed her out the door. 

Meanwhile, Mork and Alvin were in discussion with CSM and Langly. "Look, here's my agent's phone number," Mork was saying as he wrote the number down on a card. "Give him a call Monday morning ... I think he will be able to do something for you?" 

"You really think we've got a shot at this?" Langly asked. 

"Hey, if this blue-eyed, curly haired alien could make it in show-biz, anybody can," Alvin replied. "You might as well give it a try." 

"Well, I must admit that I don't have anything better to do with my time," CSM replied smoothly as he lit up yet another Morley. "And I have enjoyed working with Langly tonight." 

"Take my advice ... spend some time together and work up a real act," Mork advised. "Then with my agent and my sponsorship, we may be able to get you two going on a brand new career." 

"Speaking of getting going ..." Meepmork piped in. "Can we shake a leg here? I wanna get to my new home before it's time for another feeding." 

"We'd better be on our way, Alvin," Mork replied, handing the diaper bag to Alvin and cuddling Meepmork in his arms. "Agent Doggett, I won't forget that I found my family in your home." 

"Well, glad things have worked out for everybody," Doggett replied. "So long to you, kiddo. Behave yourself." 

"So long, Dog-Bert," Meepmork replied. "Where's your New Age Tart Girlfriend?" 

"I'm right here," Reyes replied as she emerged from the kitchen. 

"And she's NOT my girlfriend," Doggett exclaimed. 

Reyes shot him an extremely hostile look before she returned her attention to Meepmork. "So why were you looking for me?" 

"Just wanted to say goodbye, Fruitcake," Meepmork gurgled. "You were there when I came out so I felt I owed you one last snark for the road." 

"So long, kid," Mulder said, ruffling the baby's hair. "You have yourself a good life, okay?" 

"Oh I plan to," Meepmork replied, before turning to Scully, "Well, Toots, guess it's time to say so long." 

Scully's blue eyes filled with tears for the umpteenth time that night. "Yes, it is," she sighed. "I don't know what to say." 

"I do," Meepmork answered, stretching out his little baby arms to her. "Come a little closer, Red." 

With trembling lips Scully approached and bent down close over the infant, preparing for one last embrace. Meepmork smiled his endearing little smile and promptly belted her on the jaw before launching one last spitball at his faux-Mommy. "That's all I needed," he chortled as Scully straightened up, wiping the spittle off her face. "Come on, Pops. Let's blow this joint!" 

* * *

**PART 94**

"So tell me, what are you gonna do with yourself now that your other two geek friends have split on you?" Doggett asked Langly. 

"Well, CGB and I were talking ..." Langly began. 

"CGB?" Reyes enquired. 

"Spender ... you know ... Old Smoky," Langly continued. 

"Oh, that's right," Reyes nodded. "It's easy to forget sometimes that he's got a name." 

"Anyway, we decided to go ahead and see if we can put an act together," Langly said as he began to pack up the keyboard and the guitar. "I've always had a hankering to get into music and he's got a pretty good voice. Plus he's out of work right now." 

Meanwhile, Mulder and Scully were talking with CSM. "So, you're really going to try to team up with Langly?" Mulder asked. 

CSM shrugged as he dropped the cigarette stub into the overflowing ashtray and lit up another one. "I might as well," he replied coolly. "I enjoy performing and Langly's a pretty fair musician. Plus now that the word is out that the threat of an invasion doesn't exist, I'm going to need something to occupy my time." 

"Well, I suppose I should wish you the best of luck," Scully told him. 

"Well, that's very big of you, my dear Agent Scully," CSM said with a courtly bow. "And completely unexpected." 

"I said I should wish you the best of luck, I didn't say that I did," Scully replied. "After everything you've done and everything you've cost me and Mulder, the only thing I really hope for is that I never have to look at your sorry, ugly, smoke-filled face again," and with those words she turned wandered to where Langly, Doggett and Reyes were standing. 

CSM turned to Mulder, "And I suppose you feel the same way?" he asked with an arched eyebrow. 

"Well, I should I guess but they do say blood is thicker than water," Mulder replied. "For better or worse you are my dad and the only living blood relative I've got left so I guess I do wish you well." 

"That's every big of you, son," CSM said. "It's a wonderful thought to take with me as I go. And I do wish you and Agent Scully the best in the future. Just remember what I told you earlier ... when it comes to the bedroom, the prize does NOT go to the fastest man." 

"Oh, I'll remember," Mulder replied with a grin. "Although I think that problem is behind me now." 

"Excellent," CSM responded as he clapped Mulder on the shoulder. "Now it's time for me to be on my way. Langly, are you coming, we have work to do." 

"Sure," Langly replied as he picked up the guitar and keyboard. "Good luck in Port Charles, Mulder and Scully." 

"Thanks, man," Mulder replied as he crossed the room to stand next to Scully and slipped his arm around her. "And good luck to you ... here's hoping you and Pop become as big as the Ramones." 

"Right on!" Langly grinned as he walked out the front door with CSM following behind. CSM paused and turned back for a moment, a familiar smarmy smile on his face. "Oh by the way, Mulder ..." 

"Yeah?" Mulder asked. 

"I'm not the only blood relative you have left," CSM said smoothly, then he pivoted abruptly and disappeared through the front door in a veritable cloud of cigarette smoke. 

Scully looked up at Mulder, confusion written all over her face, "Now what do you suppose he meant by that?" she asked. 

Mulder shrugged, "I dunno. My guess is he's probably got another couple of kids hidden around the globe somewhere." 

"Well, don't you want to go after him and find out," Doggett asked. 

Mulder shook his head, "No, not really. I'm through with looking for missing relatives ... if they want to they can come looking for me for a change," he replied. "Right now all I'm interested in is starting my new life with Scully." 

Scully slipped her hand into Mulder's and gazed up at him with a look of pure love. "Oh Mulder, I'm looking forward to it, too." 

Reyes sniffed audibly as a tear trickled down her cheek. "I'm so happy for both of you," she whispered. "True love really has conquered all for the two of you." 

"Well, I'm not sure about that, but it does look like we're riding off into the sunrise together." Scully remarked. 

"Dontcha mean sunset?" Doggett asked. 

"No, sunrise. It's almost 6 a.m. and we're traveling east, not west," Scully replied. 

"That's my girl, practical to the end," Mulder grinned, giving her a sharp but affectionate slap on the butt. "Speaking of traveling, I think we'd better get going." 

"You're right, Mulder, it's time we moved on," Scully exclaimed with an affectionate punch on the arm. Then she turned to Reyes and embraced the dark-haired agent. "Thank you for everything, Monica," she whispered. "You take care of yourself." 

"You too, Dana," Reyes replied with her toothy smile. "Good luck with Mulder and the vampires and all." 

"Well, buddy, guess this is it for a while," Doggett remarked, extending his hand toward Mulder. "You sure this is what you want instead of coming back to the X-Files?" 

"Yeah, I'm sure," Mulder replied, clasping Doggett's hand in return. "Scully and I are better off free-lancing than working for the government. Besides, you know about those rules about fraternization between partners. It didn't matter before, but now ..." Mulder cast a leering look in Scully's direction which she met with a wink of her own. 

"Yeah, I get the picture," Doggett replied with a grin. "Well, you take care and keep in touch, okay?" 

"I will ... you do the same," Mulder replied. "Come on, Scully, let's shake our little booties on out of here." 

Scully gave Monica one final hug and then she slipped her hand in Mulder's. As they headed out the front door, Doggett and Reyes could hear them chattering away, "No, Scully, I'm gonna drive. Those little legs of yours will never reach the pedals on that big SUV," before the door closed and then there was silence. 

* * *

**PART 95**

Doggett and Reyes turned and looked at each other in the now quiet living room. "Well, John, it looks like it's just you and me ..." Reyes said quietly as she edged closer to Doggett, lightly brushing her fingers along his shirt front. "Here and back at the office ..." 

"Sorry to have to tell you but that's not entirely true," Skinner interrupted as he emerged from the kitchen, munching on an apple. 

"We didn't realize you were still here, sir." Doggett exclaimed as he quickly jumped back, putting some distance between himself and Reyes. 

"Obviously," Skinner replied. "I was just getting ready to leave. Anyway, you and Agent Reyes can go ahead and do whatever you're doing because as of tomorrow you're no longer partners." 

"WHAT????" the two agents exclaimed in unison. 

"Before I take my leave tomorrow I'm going to be recommending that the X-Files be shut down permanently," Skinner told them. 

"You can't do that," Reyes cried. "Now that we know that aliens are here ..." 

"We also know that they are no longer a threat," Skinner continued calmly. "Look, with the latest round of tax cuts the President just railroaded through Congress every federal agency is going to be asked to cut back on unnecessary expenses. The X-Files unit is an unnecessary expense so as of tomorrow it's history." 

"Truthfully, I can't argue with that kind of logic," Doggett declared. "I always thought it was kind of a waste of taxpayer dollars anyway." 

"Exactly," Skinner replied between bites of his apple. "But it's pretty good news for you, Doggett. With those kinds of cost savings it's a cinch I'll be promoted to Deputy Director to take over Kersh's old job. And I'll certainly be recommending you to take my old A.D. spot." 

"Ya mean it?" Doggett exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. 

"You betcha," Skinner replied. "Time for you to move on up." 

"Wait just a minute ... what about me?" Reyes exclaimed. "What am I going to do? Where am I going to be reassigned?" 

"Well, it's a funny thing, Agent Reyes," Skinner finished off the last bites of the apple and tossed the core into the wastebasket. "I was coming over here to have a little talk with Agent Doggett about you. I received a notice from OPM on Friday. It seems that you never were officially assigned to the X-Files Unit." 

Reyes stared at Skinner, first turning pale and then beet red. "What do you mean I was never assigned?" she screeched. "I came to Washington in response to Agent Doggett's request." 

"I know that, but Agent Doggett only requested your assistance on helping get Agent Scully out of town for that weekend," Skinner replied. "You were not on official business and not on the clock ... this was your own personal time. And in doing some follow-up I discovered that you never completed any transfer papers and your assignment to the X-Files Unit was never approved. Which was something that you had to have been aware of." 

"Are you saying she's still assigned to the New Orleans Bureau?" Doggett asked. 

Skinner nodded, "Well, yes and no. She has been on their rolls and that is where her paycheck has been coming from." 

"That's ridiculous," Reyes exclaimed as she began pacing the floor agitatedly. 

"Certainly someone at the New Orleans office would have noticed that I haven't been showing up for work there for almost a year." 

"Well, you know how slow the federal bureaucracy can be, especially in those district offices," Skinner commented. "Besides you did already have a reputation for keeping somewhat irregular hours. Not to mention that Brad Follmer covered for you by putting in a request for temporary assignment. However, that request lapsed about three months ago and was never renewed." 

"That miserable, two-timing son-of-a-b!tch!" Reyes exclaimed in fury. "He TOLD me everything was taken care of!" 

"Did he?" Skinner enquired with a smirk. "Tsk, tsk ... who would have thought that Brad Follmer would have lied to you? Anyway, about a month ago it finally dawned on your district director that you hadn't been seen for quite some time ... I think it's because it was time for your annual performance appraisal. Anyway, you were declared absent without leave and since you were AWOL for over 90 days your employment with the FBI was terminated, Agent Reyes. Or should I say, Ms. Reyes." 

Reyes stopped her pacing and turned towards Skinner, "Are you telling me I'm no longer a federal agent?" Reyes demanded. 

"That's exactly what I'm telling you," Skinner answered, pulling out his handkerchief to wipe the apple juice off his hands. "And you can't tell me this comes as a surprise, Monica. You KNEW you weren't officially assigned to Washington." 

Reyes whole frame seemed to slump in defeat. "Yes, I knew," she said tonelessly. 

Doggett turned to Reyes and grasped her shoulders, his blue eyes meeting her dark ones. "Monica, why?" he asked. "Why did you do it?" 

Reyes looked up at Doggett beseechingly, "Because I hated it in New Orleans," she replied. "They treated me like a freak just because I believe in things like numerology and spiritualism and aliens and the paranormal. They made my life miserable. Then when you called me to help with Agent Mulder's disappearance it was like ... I don't know ... like I suddenly saw a light. The X-Files was exactly the kind of assignment I needed. After all, if Spooky Mulder could handle that unit, I knew I could." 

"You've got a point," Doggett conceded. 

"Then when I came out here to follow up on those killings in New Orleans and I got a real taste of working on the X-Files could be like I became obsessed by it." Reyes continued. "I knew it was only a matter of time before Agent Scully would be going out on maternity leave so I was prepared to put in a transfer request for her job. I knew there wouldn't be any competition," she paused in her explanation and glared at Skinner. "But then you screwed it up when you decided not to replace her." 

Skinner shrugged, "Hey, we've got a budget to look out for." 

"Then you called me in to help out when Agent Scully had her baby," Reyes continued. "As soon as I got into town I called Brad Follmer. I knew he owed me for keeping quiet about our affair back in New York. I told him that I'd file sexual harassment charges against him if he didn't file the paperwork for a temporary reassignment. He agreed and said he'd handle everything until you finally came around and posted a permanent job requisition for the X-Files unit. Just before he left after the Rugali killing he told me that everything was taken care of for the next six months." 

"And you believed him?" Doggett asked incredulously. 

"Of course I believed him," Reyes wailed. "We were in bed together when he told me ... he never lied to me in bed before." 

Doggett's and Skinner's eyes met and each conveyed the same message, "Oh, brother, how dumb can you get." 

"Well, anyway it's over now, Monica," Skinner replied. "You are no longer a Federal agent and before I leave I'm going to have to ask that you turn over your office keys, your badge and your weapon." 

Reyes turned to Doggett and held out her hands appealingly. "John, please ... do something." 

Doggett shrugged. "Okay," and quickly stepped over to where Reyes' oversize purse was lying beside the couch. He opened it and began to rummage through it quickly, professionally and expertly. 

"John, what the hell are you doing?" Reyes screeched. 

"Searching your bag," Doggett replied calmly as he produced her gun and handed it over to Skinner. "Here you go, sir. And here is her badge." 

Skinner caught the badge as Doggett tossed it to him. "Great, Agent Doggett," he replied. "What about the office keys?" 

"Ah ... let's see ... found them," Doggett replied and he dropped Reyes' purse back onto the floor. He quickly scanned the keys, "Let's see ... here's the office door ... they key to the file cabinet and ..." he paused and then shot a look at Reyes, "A key to my house and my car. Where the hell did you get a hold of those?" 

Reyes quickly assumed a look of total innocence, "John, we're partners," she exclaimed. "I needed to have keys in case anything happened to you." 

"I don't recall you ever giving me keys to your place or your car," Doggett said grimly as he removed them from the key ring. 

"Well you never asked," Reyes replied. "If you had ..." 

"Never mind," Doggett muttered. "Here you go, sir. I think that's everything." 

"Great Agent ... or should I say Assistant Director Doggett," Skinner replied, pocketing the keys. "Ms. Reyes, I wish you luck in whatever your new career turns out to be." 

"Aw gee, thanks!" Reyes replied sarcastically. 

Skinner shrugged and turned to Doggett, "Listen, John, I need to go down to the office and complete the paperwork. Why don't you come with me ... there are some things I want you to take care of while I'm on leave, okay?" 

"You betcha," Doggett replied eagerly. "Why don't you go on ahead and I'll follow you?" 

"Sounds good ... I'll stop off and pick up some Krispy Kremes for us if you'll pick up a double latte for me at Starbucks," Skinner told him as he walked to the front door. 

"Deal," Doggett replied. "See you in 30." 

"Wait just a minute," Reyes exclaimed, running up to where Doggett stood in the foyer. "John ... what about me? What am I going to do now?" 

Doggett looked at Reyes with a curious mixture of compassion and tolerance, as one would look at a somewhat annoying animal (actually, pretty much the way he always looked at William ...er ... Meepmork). "Well, Monica, I don't know what you're gonna do," he drawled, "But Agent Doggett's gonna take his still employed ass down to the Hoover Building. See ya around!" 

Monica Reyes found herself staring at the closed door in front of her and she listened as she heard Doggett's truck start up and then drive away. Slowly, her shoulders slumped in defeat, she wandered back into the now silent, deserted living room. Then, she slowly collapsed to her knees, lifted her face to the ceiling, and shrieked "THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!!!!" 

The End ... 

Not quite! 

The lights come up on our impeccably dressed host, Alex Krycek. 

"We realize it would be too cruel to leave you hanging like this wondering what ever became of your favorite characters, so here is a little epilogue." 

(Cut to a scene of Maggie and Brad. They are walking hand-in-hand, totally starkers, on a patio overlooking the Mediterranean. The sit at a small table and Brad uncorks a bottle of champagne and proceeds to pour some into their oversize glasses. They lift their glasses in a silent toast to each other as Krycek speaks.) 

"Brad Follmer and Maggie Scully are deliriously happy in their villa in the South of France, receiving occasional visits from Maggie's son Charlie and his decorator companion. While Brad is eager to legalize their union, Maggie is more inclined to continue living in sin with her boy toy." 

(Cut to a scene of Alvin and Mork watching a DVD of "Mrs. Doubtfire," Baby 

Meepmork between them, throwing popcorn at the superlarge television screen and blowing raspberries everytime he sees Mork's face.) 

"Mork continues to operate a successful movie career using his "human" name of Robin Williams. He and Alvin are devoted parents to Baby Meepmork, who has grown more obnoxious than ever." 

(Cut to Diana Fowley and John Byers. Byers is stretched out on a table receiving a massage from Fowley, who is barefoot and clearly pregnant.) 

"Baby Meepmork is about to get a new half brother or sister, courtesy of Diana Fowley and John Byers. And this time, Ms. Fowley has been forced to carry her own child. Needless to say, it is NOT the happiest time of her life." 

(Cut to Frohike, Mavis and Bea who are in various states of undress, busily involved in a game of strip-Twister.) 

"On the other hand, this IS the happiest time in Melvin Frohike's life. He is enjoying being the central figure in a very happy mnage-a-trois with Mavis and Bea. Once again he is part of a threesome ... but is having a lot more fun this time around!" 

(Cut to CSM and Langly on stage at the Las Vegas Hilton. CSM is dressed in a tuxedo, crooning into a microphone while Langly is playing the grand piano.) 

"C.G.B. Spender a/k/a the Cigarette Smoking Man and Langly just signed a 10-year contract with the Las Vegas Hilton to share the headliner bill with The Star Trek Experience. Billing themselves as the Double-X Duo, they perform two shows a night to a sold-out audience. Tickets to their show top out at $250 per person, easily beating out Celine Dion's show. Oh ... and to protect his voice, CSM has given up his beloved Morleys." 

(Cut to Mulder and Scully who are bent over an opened casket in the hospital chapel at Port Charles General Hospital. As they lean over, Mulder places his hand firmly on Scully's shapely butt.) 

"Mulder and Scully have indeed discovered that Port Charles is their kind of town. With the increasing rise in the vampire population, Mulder is having a field day and is thoroughly enjoying being one of the less spooky people in town. Scully makes extra money as a part-time general practitioner at General Hospital. And practice ... plus the fouf ... has ensured that their extracurricular activities would provide plenty of material for the triple-X files." 

(Cut to Walter Skinner, dressed in a toga and hoisting a Skinnerita, surrounded by a bevy of beautiful Wenches. Ta2Betty and TeeJay are on either side of him while GoScully sits at his feet.) 

"As he confidently predicted, Walter Skinner was promoted to the position of Deputy Director following his closure of the X-Files unit. Devoted to duty, honor and country, he also still basks in the devotion of his Winsome and Wonderful Wenches." 

(Cut to Monica Reyes. Right now, all we see is her face, heavily rouged with eye make-up that would win the approval of Tammy Faye Bakker and with big, full, red lips.) 

"Monica Reyes discovered that the lottery ticket she bought on her way to the Doggett house that fateful Saturday morning held the winning numbers drawn on Saturday night. With her $25 million jackpot, she purchased the legendary Mustang Ranch bordello in Nevada from the federal government, remodeled it and re-opened it, christening it 'The Best Little Whorehouse in Nevada.'" 

(The lights come full up on Reyes who is wearing one of those fine little black numbers cut up to here and down to there as she struts down the grand staircase warbling, "It's just a billy-squat old time country place ... nothing too high-toned. Just lots of good will and maybe one small thrill ... but there's nothin' dirty goin' on!" to an appreciative audience.) 

"Yes, Monica Reyes is now known as Moanin' Monica, the Whale-Singin' Madam. And she's still out to prove that she's the best lay in the land." 

(Cut to a shot of John Doggett, red-faced, sweat on his brow and on his naked chest.) 

"As for John Doggett, he has assumed Skinner's old A.D. position at the FBI. His days are filled with hard work as he fights crime and corruption. His nights are also filled with hard work ... well ... sort of ..." 

(We see a full shot of Doggett and see that he is relaxing in his hot tub with a blonde on one side and Wench Poochespup on the other.) 

"Doggett has also learned to unwind and have some fun ... he divides his time between rebuilding a relationship with ex-wife Barbara and keeping Wench Poochespup happy between her sessions with Skinner." 

(Fade out on Doggett and return to Krycek.) 

"Thank you for joining us. And don't forget to stay tuned for 'American Animal Idols," coming up next on the Fox Network ... your network for quality programming." 

**THE END**

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**ALMOST!!**

Suddenly, a light snaps on in the darkened bedroom and a blond man with a once-athletic figure now gone flabby sits upright in the bed. "That's it! At last!" he cries. 

The woman in bed with him sits up sleepily, "What ..." she murmurs. "Chris, what are you talking about." 

"It came to me in a dream, Dori," Chris Carter exclaimed excitedly. "Finally, I have an idea for the movie." 

"Chris, it's 3 a.m. Can't it wait?" Dori murmured. 

"God, no!" Carter replied, bounding out of the bed and rushing to where his computer and telephone were set up on his desk. "It's been over a year and now I've finally got the idea for a movie that will please everyone. I've got to get going right away." 

Quickly, Carter punched a few numbers into the cell phone. "Hi! Frank, it's Chris. You're not gonna believe this but I've finally got it ... I know just what to do for a movie. ... Yeah, yeah I'm gonna start banging it out right now. But listen, you have to check some things out for me. Can you tell me if anyone still owns the rights to Alvin and the Chipmunks?" 

"Oh brother!" Dori sighed and collapsed back onto the pillows. "Here we go again!" 

**THE END**

(We really mean it this time!)   
  


#### If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Harrahgirl, BJ1952, TNO13, KAM1978, Spookyshari, Wiz, and Ailaurosaur


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